“That’s what she does,” Sydney says.
“No, she’s not being fake nice, she’s being really…kind,” James insists.
But Sydney just shakes her head.
Leaning her head on his shoulder and looking up at his beautiful tan face, she whispers something comforting into his ear.
Hilary doesn’t stay long.
She says that she’s tired and needs some rest, which is of course understandable.
But she does expect to see Sydney for brunch tomorrow at the Ritz. Sydney straightens her back and forces a smile. After a few hugs and best wishes, she calls a ride share and leaves.
As soon as the door closes, Sydney gives out a big sigh of relief. James rubs her shoulders as she kneels down and takes off her heels.
“See, it all went well,” James insists. “She likes me. How could she not?”
Sydney glares at him.
“Syd, I’m a doctor. I have an MD. I work with sick kids. I am quite easy on the eyes. And I love you. What kind of mother wouldn’t want me for a son-in-law?”
“He does have a point,” I agree.
“You two have no idea what you’re talking about,” she says, shaking her head as she lets her hair down out of its tight braid. “Tomorrow is when I get to hear all the truth about what my mother really thinks about you. Tomorrow is when she is really going to lay it all on me.”
She unclasps her bra in the back and pulls it out through her shirt, letting out a sigh of relief once her breasts are free.
I yearn to do the same thing but with James here I decide against it.
Glancing out of the window, I see Hilary climbing into the car that she ordered.
That’s my cue.
I go into my room and change into the most comfortable pair of sweats, joggers and a loose t-shirt along with a hoodie. I make sure to take off my bra and zip the hoodie up so that it’s not obvious that I’m not wearing one.
“Okay, I’m going to go and relieve Nicholas at the hospital,” I say.
6
Olive
When I meet with him…
I wait for him to say I love you first.
I should be able to say it first. I should be stronger than that, but for some reason I can’t.
Times like these should bring people together.
They should force them to focus on what’s really right.
Isn’t that so? Isn’t that what all of those TV shows and books teach us about life?
Whenever something significant happens, something as big as what happened to Owen, that’s when everything becomes clearer.
That’s when people realize that those feelings they’ve had for someone, they actually mean something.
That’s when people decide to move in together.
That’s when people decide to get engaged.
Maybe even get married.
I’m not saying that’s what I want from Nicholas.
I am definitely not waiting for a marriage proposal.
But sitting here across from him in this uncomfortable waiting room chair and watching him pop another chip into his mouth, I suddenly realize that I am waiting for something.
He has been here supporting me, taking shifts guarding Owen, and yet I feel like I am stuck in limbo.
Our relationship, if I can even call it that, is completely undefined.
I don’t know where I stand and I don’t know what we’re doing.
What is this exactly?
It wasn’t that long ago when he was just a mysterious stranger who made me an unbelievable offer that I was just crazy enough to accept and give up my job for.
But what about now?
I’m not just his employee anymore.
We’re more than that.
We have this explosive chemistry and impossible need to be together physically, but…is that enough?
Is that it?
I know that it’s not it for me.
I want more.
I feel like he wants more, too. Why else would he spend his days here with me?
People are out to get him and it’s probably best for him to not be in Boston anymore, and yet here he is.
He’s staying by my side.
That means something. No, it means everything. And yet, there are still lingering questions that need answers.
“So…are there any new jobs on the horizon?” I ask, spinning my ring around my index finger.
“No, not really,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Is that because there are no jobs or because you are giving me a break?” I press.
“There are no jobs,” he says earnestly.
It’s meant to feel like he’s telling me the truth but it doesn’t feel like it is the truth.
When I push him more, he stands his ground.
This isn’t going anywhere. I don’t even know why I brought it up since it’s not really anything that I’m particularly interested in discussing.
What I really want to know is where we are as a couple.
What are we doing?
I want to define who we are.
I want to know if I’m his girlfriend and he’s my boyfriend.
We’ve talked about being exclusive but that doesn’t seem enough right now.
I want him to tell me that he’s in love with me.
I wish I could just open my mouth and say that to him.
But when I do, that’s not what comes out at all.
“Do you have money?” I ask.
The bluntness of the question takes both of us by surprise.
He gives me a long, careful stare. His eyes narrow and widen before he looks away and brings his cup to his lips.
“What are you talking about?” he asks, mumbling through a sip.
I take a deep breath.
“Is that the only reason you’re with me?” he asks after a long pause.
“No, of course not,” I say a little bit too quickly.
When I force myself to look at him, I know immediately that I haven’t convinced him.
“Sort of feels like it.”
“No, not at all.” I put my hand on his.
Why are we talking about this?
Why did I blurt that out?
The words just got away from me and now I’m stuck having another conversation that I really don’t want to have.
When I look up at him and lose myself in the speck of gold in his eyes, I wait for him to tell me he loves me.
It’s stupid and irrational but I still wait.
“Olive, what’s going on?” Nicholas says, pulling his hand away from me.
He puts his cup on the table and waits.
I insist that nothing is going on over and over again, but it doesn’t change anything.
It doesn’t make this wedge that I have created between us get any smaller.
“I just want you to know that it’s okay if you…don’t,” I finally say.
It’s not true.
Nothing about that would be okay and yet my lips seem to have a mind of their own.
I quit my job.
I took a chance at starting another life even though it was a mistake like all of those other mistakes that I have made.
When he paid off my debts, I felt indebted to him.
And the money made it all that much easier to make bad decisions.
But there is no such thing as easy money.
It all comes with baggage and consequences.