“It’s going to be okay,” she says even though we both know it’s a lie.
I would like to believe her, but all signs are pointing to the fact that it won’t be.
There are very bad men who want my brother dead and nothing is going to stop them until they kill him.
“I don’t think he’s safe here,” I finally say. “Alone in this room. There are no guards and anyone can come up here and…finish the job.”
My voice cracks at the thought.
Of course, I know that there is not much I can do to stop them if they do come, but just being here makes me feel like I’m preventing something from happening.
“What does Nicholas think about this?” Sydney asks.
I shrug and look away.
My presence here has been the source of more than a few arguments.
He knows that someone is after Owen and that’s why he wants me to stay as far away as possible from this place.
He doesn’t seem to grasp the fact that he’s my brother and I love him.
I am all he has and he is the only family I have.
“You have Nicholas, though,” Sydney points out. “He loves you and that’s why he doesn’t want you to be here.”
I shrug and look down at the floor.
“What? What’s wrong?” she asks.
“I don’t know if that’s true,” I admit.
“What do you mean?”
I didn’t want to get into this tonight, but since she is here and we haven’t spoken for what feels like a million years, the words just come spilling out.
“I am not sure if he loves me because we haven’t said that to each other yet,” I say.
She shakes her head.
She knows about my issue with that word.
She knows how hard it is for me to say it, but she has expected that Nicholas would be the one to take the initiative.
He would be the one to tell me how he feels and that would force me to admit my own feelings for him.
But much to my disappointment, none of that has happened.
“He must love you,” she says under her breath. “He just might have the same kind of hang-up you do.”
“What are the chances of that?” I ask, rolling my eyes. “What are the chances that we are just two people who are emotionally stunted as opposed to two people who like each other but don’t really love one another?”
“Don’t say that,” she says. “You love him. I know you do.”
I touch my knuckles with my index finger.
She’s right.
I do love him.
And that’s what hurts so much. I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud, especially since he is not doing it first.
Not long ago, I thought that I could just force myself to do it once I heard him say it.
But now…it has been a while and he hasn’t said anything.
And the more time that passes the more I think that maybe he doesn’t love me at all.
“He’s worried about you, Olive. He doesn’t want you to be here in case something worse happens to Owen.”
When our eyes meet, I wonder how she cannot understand what it is that I’m going through?
Doesn’t she see that that’s exactly why I have to be here?
Owen is my brother and I need to do everything in my power to protect him.
Even though there isn’t much I can do.
Even if it seems pointless.
I have to be here because I will never forgive myself for not being here if something were to happen.
“Tell me more about what your mom said,” Sydney insists. “About how he’s not really your brother.”
I bite my lip.
I don’t even know where to begin.
“She just came here and dropped this bomb in my lap,” I repeat what I told her earlier.
Even though I have said these words before, they feel just as foreign now as they did earlier.
According to her, Owen is not my brother.
According to her, she is not my mother.
The only family I had is now gone.
Yet, when I think about them, they are still there.
I can’t think of them as anything but my mother and brother. Without them, I’m lost like an untethered astronaut tumbling through space.
I get up to get another cup of coffee from the vending machine. That’s when I see him.
3
Olive
When I seek the truth…
He walks into the room with his shoulders broad and his eyes searching for mine. When he sees me, he rushes over, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and overwhelming me with a strong aroma of cinnamon.
My mouth starts to water even before he pulls out a bag of pastries from his satchel.
“Oh my God, these smell delicious,” I say, licking my lips.
I reach for it to peek inside but Nicholas takes it away from me.
“You can only have one if you promise to go home and get some rest,” he says sternly.
I tilt my head to one side.
I’m about to protest but Sydney grabs the bag out of my hand and starts to pull me away from him.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
My feet make it a few steps toward the door before I realize what I’m doing.
There is nothing else I yearn for more in this world than to climb into my bed and get some uninterrupted sleep, but I can’t leave Owen alone.
“No, I can’t.” I push her away.
“That’s why I’m here,” Nicholas says. “That’s why I brought my laptop. I have some work to catch up on and I’ll stay out here for as long as it takes.”
I continue to put up a fight, but the conversation is pretty much over.
Nicholas has made his case and, with my eyes getting heavy and my shoulders slouching down, my body is shutting down.
Sydney and I take a ride share back and arrive at our place fifteen minutes later.
We head straight to our bedrooms but not before I blurt out what my mother told me about Owen.
“He’s in love with you?” Sydney asks. “How does she even know?”
“He told her. He was drunk and high and they were talking about life and it just came out.”
I don’t know how else to explain it.
That’s all I know.
It’s all I can ever know until he wakes up.
“Do you think she’s telling you the truth?” Sydney asks.
This question has ping-ponged back and forth in my mind for some time now.
My mother has lied about a great many things and I wouldn’t put anything past her.
“Maybe,” I finally say with a shrug. “Perhaps it’s just a sick game that she’s playing. I don’t know.”
“Then you should get a DNA test,” Sydney says.
We leave it at that and say goodnight.
I am so tired that I fall asleep quickly but the night isn’t restful.
I toss and turn, waking up every few hours.
Every time I open my eyes, the same thought pops into my mind: How soon can I get that DNA test done?
The next few weeks are a blur just like the previous.
I spend my days oscillating between waiting for Owen to wake up and waiting for someone to come here and finish the job.