The warmth fills me from both the inside and outside as I stare at the fire, sipping my coffee. My phone alerts me to an incoming text message and I reach out to gather it from the coffee table.
Lily: Hey girlie! Checking in, I miss you. Chi-town is not the same without you.
I smile and quickly type a reply.
Taryn: Hey! I miss you too.
Lily: Have you found what you’re looking for yet so you can come home?
Not even close, but I’m not going to tell her that. I don’t want to worry her because she would catch the first flight out and would show up here. Hey girl, I met a wolf. Well, not a wolf at the moment but he could shift to one any time. Oh, and did I mention it is the same man I met in the city that I gushed about in conversation. Yep, mmhm, that tall dark and handsome man I wanted to keep all to myself. Yep that’s him, a man...a shifter. Oh, my hell, I would surely be committed.
Taryn: No, but I’m enjoying the quiet.
Lily: You’re okay though, right?
Taryn: Yes, I promise I’m good.
I am so far from good I feel like I am in an entirely different universe.
After our conversation, I made myself some peanut butter toast. I quickly scarf it down along with another cup of coffee. Settling back in front of the fire I sit crisscross, resting my hands on my thighs. I read that meditation is good for clarity or at least opening your mind. When I close my eyes, I take a deep breath in and exhale a deep breath out. My mind starts to clear, and my body feels heavy. A numbness starts to overtake me and feel like I’m twitching. Everything I’ve read said that’s all normal, so I welcome it peacefully. As tense as I’ve been over the last ten to twelve hours, I’d take anything at this point. My muscles ache.
I’m not sure how long I sit here, but suddenly there are flashes in my brain again. Merick changes into the wolf, the wolf changing into Merick, he and I kissing, making love, and then I’m back to twelve-year-old me running through the forest except for this time, I’m being chased by a slobbering, snarling wolf.
I open my eyes and jump up from my spot on the floor. There’s a small voice inside me that’s telling me to run into the forest, to run to Merick, but I fight the desire.
He said he’s been waiting for me? I don’t know what that means, but do I want to find out? A part of me is terrified, but an even bigger part is curious what comes next.
On day number two of no sleep, I feel like I’m beginning to lose my mind. The day before I thought about leaving—I swear I did, but the thought of driving away from this place filled me with a wave of sadness.
I curl up on my makeshift bed in front of the fireplace and watch the flames dance. My cell phone ringing pulls me from my thoughts. I grab it off of the coffee table and see that it’s my dad. “Hey, Dad. How are you?” I try to hide the edge I know is in my voice. The last thing I need is for them to worry.
“Hey honey, I’m well. Everything going okay?” I’m sure he’s been chomping at the bit to call and check-in.
I don’t dare tell them what’s going on because it would either worry them enough that they’d show up or they’d send the caretaker here to check on me and I don’t need a stranger lurking around. It’s already bad enough I have a wolf, or a man...hell a wolf-man.
“Yeah, things are good. I forgot how beautiful it is here. How far am I from Stone Ridge?” I move to stand in front of the bay window, watching the snow fall.
“Oh, it’s about a ten-minute drive from the cabin. Did you need something? I can call John and have him bring you anything ou want.” Dad’s always trying to take care of me.
“No, I’m good. I have everything I need. I thought that once the snow lets up that I might drive to the town and look around.”
“You know our family can be traced to Stone Ridge pretty far back. Somewhere in the attic is a box with some family history. I can look for it if you want.” Of course, he would. He’d do anything I ask because my dad is the best.
“No, that’s okay but that’s pretty cool to know.” I yawn and cover my mouth with my hand. “Dad I hate to cut our conversation short, but I think I’m going to lie down and take a nap.”
“Okay honey. I love you and your mom loves you. Make sure you check in frequently, so we don’t worry.”
I assure him I will, and we say our goodbyes.
I move back to my spot on the floor, positioning the pillows just right for comfort. My eyes are so heavy, but I’m worried about falling asleep. I’m vulnerable while I sleep, but my body doesn’t seem to care. It doesn’t take any time at all before I pass out and welcome the darkness.
I awaken with a start and realize that it’s completely dark inside the cabin. The sun has set, the fire is out, and there are no lights on. I grab my phone and see that it’s three o’clock in the morning, which means I’ve slept most of the day away.
I turn on the lamp and then stand up, stretching my sore muscles. It probably wasn’t smart, falling asleep on the floor, but it’s not like I had a choice in the matter. It felt safer than the couch. With the oversized picture window I was at perfect height to peek from the floor or remain hidden, whichever I choose. I have a view of the opening of the forest where I knew Merick would appear from if he decided to come back.
My stomach growls reminding me that I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I quickly make a sandwich and eat it standing in the kitchen, switching my gaze from one window to the next.
There’s no point in starting a fire since I should go to bed anyway. But more importantly, I am in desperate need of a shower. And it is the fastest shower in human history.
In the bedroom I quickly put on a bra and panties. Over it I throw on some black leggings and an oversized t-shirt that hangs off one shoulder. I keep my hair up in a knot on top of my head and throw on my grey UGG’s.
When it appears I’m not going to be able to fall back to sleep I make a pot of coffee and while it brews, I rekindle the fire. Once that’s done, I creep over to the window, peeking out to see if I can spot Merick. I don’t know why, I’m confused really. I want to forget, but then I want to know more. I want clarification—why, how? Is he out there right now watching? And if so, what are his plans exactly? What does he want from me?
Merick
Her beauty mesmerizes me, just as it did all those years ago and still to this day, it is my weakness—she is my weakness. The way her smile reaches her eyes is captivating. Taryn has no idea the hold she has on me and I know that bond can only be strengthened.
The idea that she fears me is crippling though. I never want her to be scared of me, I want nothing more than to protect her, to cherish her. Yet, she remains hidden behind the walls of her cabin. Darkened rooms, with only the flicker of the fire highlighting the interior. I can’t bear her sleeping on the floor, though that is what she chooses. Curled on to her side, facing the flickering flames, terrified of any small noise that echoes in the night. It’s slowly breaking me.
“Have you told her?” The voice of my father fills the space though I don’t turn around to face him. Instead, I continue to stare out of the large picture window from my office. It overlooks the forest, the large mass of trees that separates me from Taryn. I’ve spent years ensuring that my home is built to perfection, a home for her, one she will love.