I grab my wine glass, twisting it around slightly by the stem before taking a healthy swallow. I’ll admit it had been a rash decision, one so out of character for me. But once I walked out of there with my box of belongings, I felt freer than I have in a long time. Out of fear their employees would spill secrets to other companies after they’ve quit, they usually let the employees go immediately but usually with a nice, no hard feelings, hush money severance package, which is what I got. It’s more than enough to sit on for a couple months before worrying about what comes next.
It’s been a week since I saw Merick in the coffee shop and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. Add to that I’ve been dreaming about my wolf every night and it makes me question everything I’ve done with my life thus far. I didn’t walk out because of that, but the dreams have become fleeting moments reminding me that I wasn't getting what I truly wanted. I was settling, ignoring my dreams and ambitions. I was growing comfortable in a, this will do for now, phase and I want so much more for myself. I want a life that leaves me breathless, one where I wake up everyday delirious with joy over how far I’ve come. I want it all, I won’t get to get stuck in the rut I was living.
I shake my head to clear all the rushing thoughts. “I wasn’t happy. I want to find something I’m passionate about and office manager, receptionist, gopher is not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.” I take another sip of my wine. The sounds of my mother's even breathing confirms she is hearing me and not still in panic mode over my future. “I feel like there is a greater calling or something out there for me.”
Our waitress brings our food, setting my chicken wrap in front of me and my mom’s salad in front of her. Conversation is thankfully stalled while we eat.
I shred my napkin as I work up the nerve to ask her what I want.
“Honey what is it? You seem nervous all of a sudden.” She grabs my hand in hers. “Tell me...are you okay? You’re not sick, are you?”
Sweet, sweet woman, I am truly sending her through a whirlwind of emotions in such a short span of time. Panic, now fear. "Nothing is wrong Mom, but there is something I need.”
“Okay, what?”
I take a deep breath, prepared for the many questions I know will follow. “I wanted to ask you about the cabin in Montana.”
“What about it?”
“I want to stay there for a while." Her eyes widen, a small fraction in surprise. I can't say that I blame her, this is all a little out of nowhere. "I remember how much I loved that place when I was younger. There is something telling me to go. Like maybe I'll find the answers there, what's next, my purpose, whatever you wanna call it.” I’m sure she probably thinks I’m losing my mind. Hell, part of me has to agree. I haven’t been there in years, but I’m being pulled there.
I don’t know what I’m expecting to find, but I know I need to be there.
“Of course, it should still be in good shape. Your dad pays someone who lives nearby to keep an eye on the place and do basic upkeep. Although, I don’t know how I feel about you being out in the middle of nowhere by yourself.”
“I’m twenty-four Mom, I know how to take care of myself. Plus, I will probably only be there for a week, maybe two.” I squeeze her hand. “I need to go and get some clarity. What better place than one of solitude?" There has to be a reason I’ve been thinking and dreaming about it. Almost like it’s calling out to me.
I don’t dare tell her about the wolf. After the day when I was twelve, I thought about telling Dad so maybe he could help me find him if he was real. But I knew telling him would have the opposite effect and he’d grab that shotgun that he kept just inside the front door and tried to kill him instead.
“I’ll talk to your father. We’ll make sure it’s livable and if it is then we’ll pay to have it prepared for you. Give me a couple of weeks and I’ve got some frequent flyer miles you can use for your ticket.” Even when I'm acting completely insane, she spoils me.
“You really don’t have to do that. I’ve got a little money in my savings and I’ve got my severance.”
“Absolutely not." She says, waving her hand to blow off such a ludicrous idea. I can't help but smile. "You save that money for your future.”
I don’t bother arguing because it’ll do no good. She at least lets me pay for lunch, reluctantly of course. After walking with her to her car, I walk back to my apartment feeling slightly less bound with stress and uncertainty. As I unlock the door to get in my building the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I quickly glance around, looking for what might have brought on the anxious feelings, but I find the hall is completely empty.
“I’m losing it,” I whisper, and laugh at myself. Obviously, I needed to get away more than I thought. This city is making me antsy and suspicious.
Nervous anticipation fills me as I fly down I-90 out of Bozeman and toward Stone Ridge and my temporary home for however long it takes me to figure out what I want out of life. Before I came, I checked the forecast and it’s getting colder, which means it could basically start snowing anytime now.
My dad had the man he knew from town make sure I was stocked with all my favorite food and drinks. That mixed with all the items he believed I'd need as well. I have no doubt that I am stocked to the brim with enough supplies to last a month without stepping foot outside. Getting snowed in was their fear for me, but to be honest I’d welcome it. When I was younger, I remember lying in front of the fireplace while reading my favorite books, my mom’s old Sweet Valley High collection.
The GPS tells me the road to Stone Ridge is up ahead. It’s tucked between lots of trees and if you’re not looking, you can almost miss it. I can’t believe there isn’t a sign or anything that tells you where to turn. The road is narrow and seems to go on forever before I spot the cabin up ahead tucked in its own little cove.
My heart begins to race, and my palms sweat as I pull up next to the cabin. I smile when I see a huge stack of wood, cut and ready to go next to the front door. My father thought of everything. When I walk up the steps to the front door, I feel a sense of deja vu. I look toward the opening of the forest and see nothing but that same sense of belonging was there.
I pull the key that my dad gave me out of my purse and use it to open the door. The moment I step inside I’m hit with a barrage of memories, but this time my wolf and Merick are both intertwined with them. One vision in particular flows through my mind. Snow so deep that with each step my boots were buried to the hilt. The morning after the big snowfall I bundled up so my father and I could build the world’s largest snowman and fort. It was a perfect day.
My vision shifts and I see my wolf standing at the mouth of the forest watching us, watching me.
My mind was jumbled with an array of thoughts, more visions than memories because most of what I was seeing had never even happened before.
I turn back to the cabin, choosing to ignore my confusion and step inside. “Wow,” I whisper. It’s prettier than I remember. The scent of lemon hangs in the air. The floors, walls, and ceilings are all light pine...I think. The sectional sofa is taupe with big decorative pillows in blues and reds. There is an end table on each side and a small table and chair for dining behind it.