Eight
Drake
My heart is racing like I just crossed the finish line at a race. I don’t know how else to explain this or even why. I mean, yes, Zoey used to be everything to me, my hopes and dreams. I used to love her, but my life is different now. I’m different now. I have the biggest blessing and responsibility I could ever ask for. My life has had its obstacles and let downs, but I wouldn’t change it. I wouldn’t even change the way things happened with Zoey and I because if I did, that would mean Aubree would be different and I would never want that.
I head out of the clubhouse and glance back to the white Dodge Neon sitting there. The car is definitely on its last leg. It’s only got one hubcap and I’m surprised the tires are still going. They are rough. I open the driver’s side door and see that the car’s interior is as bad as the exterior. Cigarette holes are burned just about everywhere inside. There’s a crack in the windshield and the rearview mirror is missing. The key is still in the ignition which I find strange. I climb inside and pull it out, planning on taking it back inside to Zoey but the key doesn’t come out. When I start the car, it dings and I look at the indicator lights to see it’s basically out of gas.
I climb out of the car, cursing like a sailor. This didn’t have to be Zoey’s life. Yes, her dad was horrible to her, but she could have had a much better life here even dealing with his verbal lashings. She shouldn’t have a piece of shit car with barely any gas. She shouldn’t have lost the light in her eyes. For a brief moment, I blame myself because I should have saved her. It’s what I did. It’s how our friendship worked. I saved her every time, but I didn't this one time. I didn’t swoop in with my cape and save her and look at how her life has been. I can’t avoid that sinking feeling in my gut that tells me this is only the tip of the iceberg of what her life has been like since she left here.
I check in the bed of my truck before I climb in and start it up. I head back into town and pull into the first gas station I find. I fill up the gas can before driving back to the clubhouse and depositing the gas into Zoey’s car. It’s all I can do right now. I’d fix the whole car if it was worth it, but I know it’s not. Without a second thought, I head back inside, apology thick on my tongue. I owe Zoey an apology for not coming to save her. Being faced with this situation now, seeing the harsh reality that she has been calling her life creates a wave of guilt within me.
I knock on my door, but the room is quiet. I call her name, but it’s more of a whisper because my throat is thick with emotion. She never answers, so eventually, I turn around and leave. Once I’m back in my truck, I quickly dial my mom’s number. “Hey Honey, everything okay?” my mom answers.
I clear my throat. “Yeah, I’m on my way to grab Aubree. I’m sorry you had to keep her so long.”
“Sweetheart, don’t you dare apologize for that. You know I’m always more than happy to have her here. Besides, her and Dawsyn made cookies and watched a movie,” my mom explains.
“A Nightmare Before Christmas?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
My mom laughs. “Yes, of course.”
“Well, I’ll be there shortly.” I hang up the phone and roll the windows down. I need the fresh air to clear my head. Too many memories and now new images are filling up the quiet space. My mind is thinking of every possible thing that could have happened to Zoey since she left. I know it’s crazy, but I can’t stop the movie-like reel rolling around in my head. I know I need to call Zayde, but I also just need a minute to process myself.
My parent’s house comes into view and I pull up along the sidewalk. The house never changes much. The single story, white sided house with two steps leading up to the small porch and teal front door, a color that Annie James, my dad and uncle's late mother picked. The big tree in the front yard just keeps growing, giving more and more shade from the beating sun. Brick planter boxes full of every color of daisy still line both sides of the house in front. A couple of years ago, my dad, uncles, and myself along with Zayde and most of the guys involved in the Sons of Sin all helped gut the inside to update it. It’s like a whole new place once you step through the front door, but the outside is always how I remember it.
The front door opens before I climb out of the truck. My mom is standing there with a smile on her face and her blonde hair, at the moment anyways, her and my aunt Hollis are constantly changing their hair color, pulled back from her face. As I approach, she opens the screen door. “Hey sweetheart.” She pulls me into her arms and I hug her back. Sometimes even a grown man just needs a hug from his mom. She pulls away from me. “Your dad is in the back.” How does she do that? How does she know what I need before I do? “Call it mom’s intuition.”
“What about Aburee?” I ask.
My mom waves her hand in dismissal. “She’s asleep in her room. Go talk to your dad,” she tells me.
I nod and head down the hallway to the back door, but not before I stop at the bedroom door that has belonged to each and every member of the family at some point, that now belongs to Aubree. I open the door just enough for me to look in and see my little girl sound asleep. I close the door back and continue out to the storage unit that we added to the backyard to make a new place to work on car projects. As I approach my dad, Axell, stands up and wipes his hands clean on a rag. “Hey Son,” he tells me.
“Hey, Dad.” I see the look in his eye that tells me he already knows about the Zoey situation. “Mom told you?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, of course.”
“And that’s why you’re conveniently out here working on the car.”
He shrugs. “Not the only reason.”
“What’s the other reason?” I ask, to avoid talking about Zoey for a few more minutes.
“You know I love that granddaughter of mine, but if I have to sit through that confused Halloween, maybe Christmas movie one more time, I might go crazy,” he tells me, with a large smile that lets me know he doesn’t really mean that, but might just a little.
I laugh. “Yeah, this has been an interesting phase for sure.”
“I’m not sure it’ll be a phase,” he jokes. After a few moments of silence he asks, “So, you want to talk about Zoey?”
I sigh and lean back against the wall while crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t know what to even say. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's actually back.”
“What brought her back? Her father?”
I shake my head. “No, she didn’t even know about him passing away and let me tell you, she took it so much harder than I could have ever imagined. I didn’t expect her to break like she did.”
“Zoey always did have a way of surprising people,” he admits.
I chuckle. “Yeah, she did.” I start to pace and rub my hands over my face. “Her life must have been a mess since she left.”
“Why do you say that?” My dad’s eyes are on me, intense as ever, but I also know he’ll listen all night if I need to.
“You should see the car she’s in. I noticed it has a Mississippi license plate, but I don't even know how in the hell it managed to get from there to here. It literally looks like it could fall apart at any moment and I just have this feeling,” I tell him, gesturing toward my gut. “That it’s only a sneak peek of what she’s actually been through and I can’t help but feel like that’s partly my fault.”