Both Cristiano and Kya’s heads whipped in her direction like she’d just announced she was pregnant. “What?” they both said, and even Cristiano’s voice had heat behind it, which it never did.
“You absolutely are going,” Cristiano instructed. “Ryan and Helena were nothing but good to you. You owe it to them.”
Tatiana’s jaw went a little slack. “I hadn’t talked to them in like five years. I’m sorry, it just didn’t seem like I should be there taking up space.”
Kya slammed her hands on the table. “Now I have had just about enough of you acting like we didn’t raise you right. It’s not about the quantity, it’s about the quality.”
Tatiana threw her hand out at me. “It’s not like he wants me there anyway? What am I going to do, go sit there and force myself to cry so I fit in with everyone else?”
“Tatiana stop it right now.” Cristiano’s brows were very low now, closer to anger than I’d ever seen him.
“Why? I’m so sick of tiptoeing around everywhere. I’m sorry that this happened, but I don’t understand why all of a sudden I have to be in all these situations that make me uncomfortable.” She crossed her arms. “I’m not going.”
It was an odd sensation having rage coursing through me as madly as a roaring river, yet not having any ability to draw it forth the way I wanted to. “I’m so sorry you’re being inconvenienced by my parents murder, Tatiana. Truly. I wish that this wasn’t ruining your day.” My voice was somehow dull and sharp. “It really sucks when the people you love certainly aren’t there anymore.”
Tatiana stared back at me plain faced. “You would know.”
“Tatiana!” Kya snapped.
I slid my chair back. “I don’t need to deal with this. Thank you both for being so wonderful to me. I’m sorry that you’re stuck with this hellspawn!” I stood up. “You were right about one thing, Tati. I don’t want you at my parents’ funeral. I wouldn’t want it to be stormed by your minions. In fact, why don’t you all skip it? I don’t want to cause you anymore stress.”
With Cristiano and Kya calling out after me, I grabbed my backpack, and I left. I didn’t know where to go. My aunt was staying at a hotel in the city, but it was over an hour away. Besides, she was dealing with making all the arrangements I couldn’t and I didn’t want to add to her plate. I called Harlie a couple of times, but she didn’t answer. I figured, worst case scenario, I could sleep on the porch in her family’s backyard and started to walk over. She didn’t live far from the Marquettes, and after about 20 minutes, I was standing in front of her house. I was going to just head up to the door and knock when a car pulled up in front of the house. There was a man I didn’t recognize in the driver’s seat, but Harlie was next to him in the passenger’s.
I watched as Harlie climbed out of the car, but turned and leaned back through the window. She was wearing a low cut t-shirt and a flannel shirt over it with her hair and makeup done the same way she did whenever she and I went out. I couldn’t make out what she was saying to the man in the car, but clocked every time she forced out a giggle, and then eventually, in an oddly more painful display than I was expecting, she leaned in and kissed the driver. His hand landed on her breast, which he squeezed as she laughed, before they finally parted and he drove away. I waited for Harlie to get inside her house before pulling out my phone and sending her a text.
Lose my number. We’re over.
What? Why?
I’m calling you right now.
Stop ignoring my calls.
Colin. Answer your phone.
Hey!! Talk to me!
Not interested.
I put my phone away and just started off down the sidewalk. Right as I was turning the corner, Harlie bolted out of her house and started to look all around, expecting that I must have seen her transgression. I didn’t break stride and got away without her seeing me. If she sweated over it for the rest of her life, I wouldn’t care.
Why is this happening to me again?
I definitely didn’t know where I was going now. Maybe I’d just keep walking until something hit me and took me out.
8
Tatiana
My head and heart were battling it out for which one could pound against my bones harder. My dad, the peacekeeper of our home, had left to go find Colin, and I was just sitting at the table under the harsh and intense gaze of my mom. The look of disappointment in her eyes was nothing compared to the way I wanted to reach inside my only body and pull my spine out through my throat. I’d officially taken things too far, I knew that. Being mean to Colin was a defense mechanism, and having lost his parents and not quite knowing how to process that, upgraded that mechanism to its 2.0 version, now complete with words no one should ever say, even to an enemy.
“You need to start talking right now.” My mom’s voice was as low as I ever heard it.
It had a quiver to it, but one that let me know she was trying her damnedest not to crack me over the head with her dinner plate. I couldn’t even imagine how it made her and my dad feel to watch me act like I had absolutely zero home training and went to school to learn how to act even more like an idiot. Apologies wouldn’t suffice, they should just trade me in for Colin, and I could dropout and go live with my illegal boyfriend.
“Tatiana. Explain yourself.”
“I don’t know, mom.” I pushed my dinner away because the sight of it was churning my stomach. “I don’t…” I dropped my head to the table. “I don’t know why I said that. I don’t even recognize myself.”
I heard the screech of my mom’s chair across the wood floor as she moved it closer to me. She pet my head in that sweet, make you cry sort of mom way. “What’s going on, baby? You have never acted like this before. I mean, goodness, if you’d asked me where I thought you and Colin were going to be in five years, I would never have predicted this.”
A knot made a home in my throat. “I wouldn’t have either.”
“That’s what he said.” Her voice sounded perturbed.
I lifted my head. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I asked him the same question, why you two stopped being friends, and he said that he honestly didn’t know.”
I sneered. “Sure.”
“Talk to me, Tatiana. What happened?”
I looked over at her and could see the curiosity and mom-need to know so she could help. Talking to Billy about Colin had been difficult enough. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to tell my mom too. Still, if I was going to continue to act like the devil incarnate, it probably would be helpful for her to know where it all was coming from. I used to talk to my mom about everything. I remembered thinking she was going to try and force reconciliation for her own friendship with Colin’s parents, and avoiding telling her because of it. As painful as it was, that wasn’t so much an issue anymore.
“You remember that Saturday that I went to the mall with Colin? His parents dropped us off?”
“Vividly,” she replied. “Your father and I became pretty convinced after that day that you two were going to start dating. You came home with this huge smile plastered on your face and it was clear that something good had happened, well better than typical for you two. That Monday it was the same; you put on your Sunday best, you did your hair and makeup, but you came home an entirely different person.”