“You two dated, didn’t you?” I stopped short and she scoffed. “I knew it.” I turned around and looked at her, suddenly curious to where she’d gathered her ideas. “He got drunk once and told me about his ‘one true love.’ I thought he was talking about me, but he said it was before me. Tell me, Tatiana, were you and Colin ever more than friends?”
With each word, I felt more like a fly getting battered to death against a zapper. “Mind your own business.”
I turned on my heel and started back towards Val’s classroom. One true love? Staring at me during lunch? Who did he think he was? He was the one who rejected me. He was the one who went to school two days after we first kissed and flirted with a girl right out in the open like I wouldn’t see. What right did he have to act like that?
I stormed into Val’s classroom where the same set of students had returned and were talking with Val. “Get out,” I growled. They all stared back at me like they weren’t prepared to listen, and I wasn’t prepared to hold my temper. “What? Are all of you the same level of fucking dumb? Get out! Now!”
“Tatiana!” Val yelped.
I started swiping towards the door. “Come on. We don’t want to see me get any nastier than this. Out. Please.”
Val looked apologetically at the students. “Just give us a few more minutes.”
The students stood up, a litany of swear words hurtling at me, not that I cared. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” The last student out the door probably got impaled on the knob.
Val crossed his arms. “I know you’re upset, but you can’t just behave like--”
“I love you too.”
Val swallowed. “What?”
I lifted my blouse over my head and threw it to the side. “I love you too, and I want you. Right now.”
Val shook his head. “I don’t know, Tati. That’s pretty risky.”
I started to undo my bra. “I could use a little risk.”
5
Tatiana
After Val and I finished my anger-induced romp, I had him walk me out the front door to keep Harlie’s dumb mouth shut. When I was out in the open air, I took a deep breath in and held it until it felt like I may pass out. I teased the idea, thinking it might be so much easier to just blackout and let the rest of the day carry on without me, but my lungs started to burn, and I caved, letting the air out and recovering my breath.
“You’re going straight home?” Val asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, and probably right to bed.”
He smirked. “I would imagine, after that.”
I squeezed his hand before letting it go and then started off towards my house. I had more than one regret. I didn’t love Val. What I felt towards him was mostly sexual with a side of emotional-support when I couldn’t get a hold of Billy and my parents wouldn’t understand. It was unfair to us both that I’d allowed Harlie’s stories to get to me and inspire me to say something I didn’t mean, but there was no taking it back. I resigned myself to just fall in love with him, whatever that meant. To make the words true, then I would undo the mistake I made by saying them in the first place. If they were true, but maybe uttered sooner than they should have been, that changed it from something only horrible women did to a fun story you tell your kids over Thanksgiving when they’re old enough. That was the new plan, to make what I’d said true.
It was a good thing my house was only a couple of blocks away because after the hard and fast sex I’d demanded from Val to try and shove away my feelings, walking was more of a task than it should have been. It was only just before noon and neither of my parents got home from work until after 5. Not only would they not know I skipped and wonder why they never got a truancy call, but I could have a nice, long soak in the massive, jacuzzi tub in my parent’s master bathroom before crawling into bed.
My headphones were nestled inside my ears, playing through all of my favorite songs, until one came on that shifted me dramatically. It was the song that was the number one hit the day Colin and I went to the mall and he first kissed me. Due to its popularity at the time, it had played several times throughout the day, so when I got home, that day, I immediately bought it. It just so happened to be a cheesy love song, so when I played it on repeat until I fell asleep, I thought of Colin and, what I’d hoped, would be our new relationship. Every time it played now, I would fly to my phone to delete it, not liking the memories it brought, but just like my feelings for Colin, I could never quite bring myself to get rid of it. As the lyrics swirled around me, I touched the, now bare spot on my collarbone where the locket I’d bought used to hang. Even though I only wore it for a little under two days, I found myself touching the spot absent-mindedly, as if it was the one piece of my body that was still clinging hopelessly to those sweet times.
I dropped my hand and skipped the song. No. Now was not the time to go back to the ‘good ol’ days.’ They hadn’t ended up that good anyway. I tried to force my mind back to taking a bath and going to bed, likely the only things that were going to bring me solace today.
I allowed the idea of relaxation to carry me through the crisp afternoon air, until I got to my house and my dream was shattered. Not just one, but both of my parents’ cars were in the driveway. They were both home in the middle of the day? Why?
I walked up to my door, preparing myself to face the rain of accusations I was about to be faced with. The door wasn’t locked, so I opened it and slipped inside, halfway planning to sneak upstairs before I was noticed. I’d have to skip my bath for the time being, but if I could at least hide my presence for a few hours, I could make it seem like I didn’t skip. It was all a pipe dream though, as the second I opened the door, my mom came walking into the hallway.
“Tatiana. Why aren’t you at school?” she asked. I opened my mouth to respond, but she waved her hand through the air. “It doesn’t matter. It’s a good thing you’re here. Come.”
She turned and led back through the doorway opposite the front door, into the kitchen. I took off my shoes, dropped my backpack on the stairs, and followed after her. I rounded the corner, unsure of what to expect was awaiting me, but when I discovered what it was, I froze.
Colin held up his hand, offering a barely-there smile. “Hey, Tatiana.”
I looked at my dad and my dad looked back at me and I looked over at my mom and my mom looked back at me and then I looked at Colin. He was simply dressed in jeans and t-shirt, and had clearly been crying recently. My heart was blending my stomach at max speed and I felt like the single piece of toast I’d eaten that morning was going to be making a return trip.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Remember yesterday when I said that Colin’s only living relative lives in New York? He’s under 18, so they tried to get him to move there with her. he wants to finish out his schooling so…”
No.
“…we’ve offered for him to stay here with us until he graduates.”
My mom wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “Looks like you two are going to have to figure out how to be friends again.”
6