There was something there—sheer happiness. And while I might be a little jealous, I didn’t care. They were right for each other. I wanted to find that, too.
“Are you okay?” Elise asked tentatively.
I rolled my eyes, trying to force some cheer into my voice. I didn’t love Pacey, but I was still embarrassed that I had fallen so hard. “I’m fine. I didn’t mean to bring him up, even though we are in his house. I’m over him,” I said, and it didn’t feel like a lie. I called that progress.
“Okay, if you say so.”
I growled and closed my textbook. There was no way I could focus. “I’m not like that anymore. I don’t know what I was thinking before when it came to him, but it’s not that anymore. It’s not some huge, overwhelming need to be with him. I was silly to even think it was.”
“There’s nothing silly about having a crush on a guy you respect.”
“It is a little silly when you mistake it for love and almost hurt some of the people you care about the most in the process.”
Elise shook her head. “You didn’t hurt them.”
“True. At least, I don’t think I did. It doesn’t matter. Mackenzie and Pacey are going strong. They’re freaking adorable, and I am slowly getting through school and figuring out my life. I don’t have time for guys.”
“I thought you had a date with Xander later tonight.” Elise raised a brow.
I shrugged. “Maybe I have time to try to date, but nothing too serious.”
“You don’t think Xander’s the one?”
I snorted. “He’s a nice guy, and maybe we can have some relaxed fun, but I’m not looking for forever. I don’t even know what I want for the rest of my life, let alone a forever with a guy.”
“Forever at our age can be a pretty long time. Of course, we all know that it sometimes doesn’t happen.” Her smile turned dreamy, and I knew she likely wasn’t even aware of the look on her face.
My heart ached, but I shook my head. “I’m not going to throw myself at anyone just because I’m afraid we’re all going to die super young like Corinne did.” I winced. “I didn’t mean to sound so harsh.”
“No, I get it. I don’t think I went to Dillon because we lost Corinne.”
“No, you pushed him away,” I countered, and she sighed.
“Oh, yes, there was that.”
“Dillon and I made it through those decisions and are better than ever for it. And you and Pacey are back to being friends.”
“Maybe not as close as we once were, but I can see that. He has so much going on in his life, and he needs time with Mackenzie. And, honestly? I’m still a little embarrassed about the way I acted.”
“You shouldn’t be. Everybody understands.”
“That doesn’t help the situation.” I snorted. “But, Elise? I’m over him.”
“Over who?” Tanner asked as he walked into the house, Miles behind him.
I rolled my eyes and did my best not to look at Miles. I didn’t know why; it was just so awkward. Every time I looked at him, I thought about that kiss. The one I wasn’t supposed to remember. Only I did. Oh, I remembered. However, I wouldn’t think about it too hard. If I did, things would get weird again. I’d already let them get strange between Pacey and me. And though we were working our way back to the way things had been, and I was responsible for my feelings, I wouldn’t fall for anyone else in this house. Even though I couldn’t seem to keep my eyes off his face, or not notice how his glasses kept slipping down his nose. I saw everything about him.
Damn it, what was wrong with me?
Elise answered. “It was me. I was just thinking about you and my crush and how I can’t ever stop thinking about you. Dillon and I were wondering what we were going to do about it, but we decided maybe it’s best if we don’t add you to our relationship,” she said dryly.
Tanner just grinned that wicked smile I knew melted others’ panties. Not mine, but I could see why some felt that way. “All you have to do is ask, babe. I’ll be there for you.”
“I hope Dillon never hears of this conversation.” Miles shook his head before sinking onto the chair beside me. “Hi, Nessa,” he said.
I gave him an awkward little wave. Oh, good, now I’d reached a new pinnacle of the awkwardness that was my life. “Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” Tanner replied as he slid onto the couch next to Elise. “What are we studying?”
“Horrible, horrible things that aren’t even for our majors.” She gestured toward the book in front of her and sighed.
“Apparently, we’re supposed to be well-rounded or some crap,” I added.
Miles just shook his head. “I get that, but I wish there were like home-ec classes for college.”
Tanner gave him a weird look, and I straightened.
“What? What do you mean?” I asked.
“I like taking a lot of the liberal arts classes that I wouldn’t normally have to. I learn a lot while in them. While my family taught me how to make a budget, change the oil in my car, and even deal with household items that normally wouldn’t be an issue, many people don’t have that. I think there should be home-ec for college. Hell, I think home-ec should still be required in high school. But now I’m being weird, so I’m just going to shut up.”
I shook my head. “Don’t shut up. That is smart. If I were learning something productive, that’d be great. Right now, I’m reading a book on history that I’m pretty sure is just an alternate version and not the truth because it doesn’t talk about the atrocities committed.”
Miles winced. “That’s the epitome of suck, and I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”
I shrugged. “It’s college. There were only so many options for this semester to fill that requirement. You would think I’d be happy with books. Not so much this time.”
“I think I took that class sophomore year.” Tanner leaned forward. “Dr. Peterman?”
“Yep. Asshole.”
“He is, and he hates women,” Tanner said.
I sighed. “Oh, I know. Thankfully, the class isn’t graded on a curve with participation, or I would probably end up with a C just because he feels like it.”
“Only one more year of school.” Miles paused. “And then, all of our grad schools and everything else with that. However, one more year of this school.”
“Yay,” Elise added deadpan. “With that, I need to go. I told Dillon that I would meet him at the bar. I’ll finish up my work there.”
“He doing okay?” I asked.
Elise grinned. “He’s doing great. He has a paper due tomorrow, and one of his nieces has a cold so everybody’s working overtime trying to get both restaurants set up and everything. It’s a lot. And while his brothers are trying to push Dillon not to work as hard as he has been, it’s Dillon. Of course, he wants to help his family.”
“It’s nice that he has them,” I said honestly.
“I know. Dillon will finish his paper, and I’m going to drive him home after he closes. It’s just going to be a long day.”