She looked up at me, her mouth parted. It’d be so easy to lower my head and brush my lips across hers. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to ruin things. The problem was, I could so easily do that.
“I shouldn’t do this,” she whispered, and I nodded before I pulled away, feeling cold at the sudden lack of her touch.
She rubbed her palms on her thighs and swallowed hard. “I’m just…I don’t want to ruin what we have, Miles.”
I met her gaze and nodded. “Same here. You’re my friend, Nessa. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t have a lot of those.”
“You’re such a nice guy. I don’t know why you wouldn’t.”
I cringed. “Not the nice-guy thing again.”
“Nice guy as in a good person. Not the trademarked nice guy, who is an asshole. There’s a difference,” she said.
“I like being a good person. I try to be, anyway.” Even though I hadn’t always been, and my mistake had ruined lives. But I wasn’t going to bring that up.
“I don’t think I’m ready to make more mistakes than I already have.”
“And kissing me would be a mistake,” I said bluntly.
She bit her lip. “I think ruining our friendship would be a mistake. I like being your friend, Miles.”
The thing was, I liked being her friend, too, so I nodded and picked up the box of pasta. “Are we supposed to salt the water?” I asked, and the relief on her face nearly undid me.
Damn it, the more I told myself I didn’t want her, that I shouldn’t have her, the harder it was. Clearly, there was something between us. No matter what happened, it wouldn’t go anywhere. It couldn’t. We had just firmly put each other in our places. And we needed to stay there—even if it hurt.
Chapter 7
Nessa
“Have you had time to finish your paper?” Everly asked as she shelved a few of the new releases.
“Yes, but I’m probably going to spend the night when I get home going over it and making sure it’s ready to turn in. I swear, I miss so much reading over it only once or twice.”
Everly gave me a small smile. “Considering how hard you worked on it, I’m sure you’ve already proofed it a few times.”
I shrugged. “Yes, Natalie read over it, too. But you know me, I need to make sure it makes sense.”
“I’m sure it does.”
“And, honestly, I’m not too worried about this class because I’m enjoying myself. The other one? Not so much.”
“I thought you said that boy was helping you.”
I blushed, shaking my head. “I don’t think he’s a boy if he’s nearly twenty-two.”
“I’m sorry. I’m now in my thirties, and I feel like I’m aging with each passing day. At least, I’m going to keep telling myself I’m in my thirties, even though I may be in my forties now. I don’t remember, and I’m not going to try to do the math.”
I laughed and shook my head. “If it helps, you don’t look a day over eighty-two.”
She shoved my arm playfully and rolled her eyes. “You know, I was going to say that you were in the employee of the month running. But, sorry, I can’t do it now. You’ve ruined your chances.”
“We don’t even have an employee of the month.”
“You were going to be the first one. Then you called me old.”
I winked. “You called yourself old first.”
“True. I might have. Yet having someone else call me old means it’s time to start the firing.” She laughed as she said it, and I ducked my head.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. My kids called me old the other day because I needed their help opening an app. An app. My generation invented them. And now it seems I’m ancient and need to go sit in my rocker.”
“You’re not an aging spinster, Everly.”
“Some days, I feel like it. But back to what I was asking before. Is that hunky man of yours going to help you with statistics?” Sadly, she didn’t fall for my trick of trying to change the subject.
“He’s not my man.”
“And yet, he is hunky,” she said, waggling her brows. “And if he’s a man and not some eighteen-year-old, that means I can say that.”
“Yes, he’s a man.”
“From the way you said that, it sounds like you want him to be your man.”
I shook my head as I opened another box of books. “I don’t want him to be mine. He’s my friend and lives with Pacey and the others. I’m not entertaining another crush on one of the guys who lives in that house.”
Everly knew all about my crush on Pacey and my new one on Miles that I wouldn’t do anything about. While she was nowhere near old enough to be my mother, I had latched onto Everly when I lost my mom. Just enough that I didn’t feel so alone. I had people in my life who cared about me. Including my father. I needed to remember that.
I pushed those thoughts from my mind and tried to remember what we had been talking about. “As for Miles, yes, he’s going to help me with my stats class. We’re studying tomorrow to go over my homework. I’m having trouble with a few things, and it probably doesn’t help that my mind goes in a thousand different directions sometimes.”
“You have a job, a full course load, friends, and maybe, sometimes dating. It’s college. Of course, you’re tired. And you’re working on your final year. It’s a lot.”
I shrugged. “And now I’m supposed to look at grad schools. But I don’t think that’s going to happen.” I hadn’t meant to say that last part aloud.
“No? I thought that was the plan. What’s going on, Nessa?”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“It is. You’re talking about getting your master’s. And being a professor. And writing your book.”
“That’s everything I’ve wanted to do since I was a little kid. And yet, it doesn’t seem feasible. It’s not going to pay my bills.”
“People with English degrees do make money. They find careers.”
“I’m floundering a bit, and I hate it.”
“You’ve had a few shocks to your system over the past couple of years. It’s all right to not have your life together at twenty. I sure didn’t. Sometimes, I feel like I never have my life together.”
“You have wonderful kids, a growly and glowing husband. I’m pretty sure you do.”
Everly smiled even as she shook her head. “And I have bills, sleepless nights… And, hey, my bookstore burned down. Things get complicated.”
That made me wince. “I know. It still makes me sad thinking about this place when it burned down.”
Everly shuddered. “Me, too. I don’t want to think about it. So, we won’t. However, I had people to rely on back then, even though I almost didn’t see it in time. You have people, too. Including this man-boy,” she said with a laugh. “One who is simply your friend but can help with your classes. Are you helping him with anything?”
“Cooking? I don’t know. That seems like something he and Natalie do together. Not that I’m jealous. I swear I’m not.”