“I understand where you’re coming from with the pressure,” Eli says, changing the subject. “With Ash gone, coaches are looking at me to carry this team.”
“What about Jerry?” He was Ash’s second-string last year. He’s a senior this year and can throw like a motherfucker. And by motherfucker, I mean pretty great.
“He’s been messing up. Throwing a lot of interceptions lately.” Eli sends me a look. “Haven’t you noticed?”
I shrug. “It’s still early days.”
“We’ve been practicing for a month. Our first game is this Saturday.”
Nerves flare within me at his words. “Shit.”
“Yeah. You forgetting dates or what?”
We’ve been in class for a week. I haven’t forgot. But then again, I sort of have. I’m just going with the flow, and not really paying attention to what’s going on around me, I guess. Too busy always looking for Ellie.
Haven’t spotted her on campus once. Is she even here? I don’t know. I’d love to ask Eli about her, but that’s opening a can of worms I don’t want to examine right now.
So I keep my mouth shut instead.
Ever since our kiss that night, I haven’t really seen her. Definitely haven’t talked to her. Girl said she was blowing me off and she’s stuck to her word. I deserve her abandonment. I give her a gift and tell her I can’t be with her. I kiss her, after letting another girl suck my dick, all in the same night. Ellie is right.
I’m a complete asshole.
But I’m also right.
I don’t deserve her.
I miss her though. So damn much. I miss her smiling face and laughing eyes. I miss her encouragement and the way she makes me believe I can do anything I set my mind to. I miss just being in her presence, whether it’s in person or virtual. She hasn’t even Snapchatted my ass, not once in the last month, which is some sort of record for us. It also hurts.
Her rejection stings, but I suppose I asked for this, acting like I did that night.
Pushing all thoughts of my shitty ways out of my mind, I change the subject.
“How’s Ava?”
“She’s good.” Eli rubs his chin, his gaze filling with longing. He misses his girl something fierce. “Meeting new people, having fun with her roommate. Checking out San Diego. Hanging out at the beach every weekend. Having the time of her life without me.”
“Bro. Get a grip. She loves you,” I tell him, hating how sad he sounds. A depressed Eli is no fun, let me tell you.
“I know. I just—it sucks that we’re living separate lives. Though you’d think I’d be used to it by now. We’ve pretty much always lived separate lives for the entirety of our relationship,” Eli says, exhaling loudly.
Ava went to a different high school than us. She’s a year younger than us too, and he was at Fresno State while she was a senior in high school. He’s right. Their lives have always been fairly separate.
“You’ll get through this.” I punch him in the arm, needing to lighten up the moment. I hate heavy shit. “Stop being such a pussy.”
He grins. “Dick.”
“Sweet talking each other as usual.”
We both turn to find Tony standing there, sweaty and with a tired smile on his face.
“You know it,” I tell him. “How’s it going?”
“Good. Feels like I’m standing on the edge of hell.” Tony takes a long drink from his water bottle. “This weather sucks ass.”
“Yeah, it does,” I say with a nod. “Can’t wait to play Saturday night’s game out here.”
“It’s at seven so it’ll be a little cooler,” Tony says, trying to be optimistic.
“Right. It’ll only be ninety instead of ninety-nine,” I say drolly, making Eli laugh.
“We should grab something to eat after this,” Tony suggests. “You guys down? I’m sure Caleb would go too.”
“What about Diego?” I ask, glancing around. I spot him in intense conversation with one of the offensive coaches on the sidelines. “Think he’d want to come with us?”
“He mentioned having to head straight home after practice to take care of Gigi. Jocelyn has a night class,” Tony says.
“It’ll just be the four of us then,” Eli says with a nod. “Let’s do it. I want tacos.”
“You always want tacos.” I shove Eli’s shoulder and he staggers backward with a laugh.
“I want someone’s taco, but she’s not here right now,” Eli says with a leer.
Sick fucker. Though he doesn’t say that kind of shit about Ava usually. He keeps the details of their relationship pretty much to himself. Which to me is always a sign that he loves her and doesn’t want to disrespect her.
Tony is the same way. He’s quiet when it comes to his girl. Diego is as well. These guys and their steady relationships. I don’t get it. We’re young, we’re in college, we should be fucking as many women as we can before we have to grow up and be responsible.
The only one who agrees with this thought process is Caleb. That guy is insane for all women, and I love him for it. He will bang whoever he wants, whenever he wants to. I aspire to that. I did do that while on tour. It was a sing fest and a fuck fest. A bit of a drug fest too, if I’m being real.
And now, I’m doing nothing. Playing football. Going to class. Having a few beers on the weekend, smoking a little weed. We’re back to playing Call of Duty in the evening too.
Honestly? It’s kind of boring, compared to what I was doing over the summer. Singing and touring and meeting new people. Seeing new places, performing for new crowds, reveling in their adulation. That was some cool shit.
It was lonely though too. Being on the road. Traveling constantly, having no one to share it with beyond my bandmates. We grew closer. They’re cool, but they’re not my friends.
Not like these guys.
Once we’re done with practice and showered, we head over to a Mexican restaurant not too far from Tony and Caleb’s condo. We order our food at the counter and go find a table, which is a fight considering how many people are currently in this place.
“Everyone loves their tacos,” Eli says after we finally snag a table.
I take a sip from my soda, wishing there was a splash of whiskey in it. “They have damn good food.”
“The girls are hosting a party at my place tomorrow,” Tony says conversationally. “You guys are invited, of course.”
“What girls are you talking about?” I ask.
“Hayden, Gracie, Joselyn, Ellie,” Tony says. “The usual gang.”
“I hate that Ava’s not here,” Eli says. He looks down in the dumps.
“Bro, you planning on visiting her during our bye week?” Caleb asks.
“She wants me to,” Eli says. “Though I told her she should come here. See her family and her friends.”
“You should go there. And I’ll come with. Check out the babes.” Caleb grins.
“Do not take his ass,” Tony says, jerking his thumb in Caleb’s direction. “You want private time with your girl. Not to have to entertain this guy the entire weekend.”
“I can find my own entertainment,” Caleb says, irritated. “I don’t need a babysitter.”