I knew this, but forgot. “Where is she going again?”
“San Diego State.”
“Damn. That’s a long way from here.” I scrub the side of my face. Eli and Ava are solid. Things might be tense now, but they’ll make it. I have all the faith in them.
“I know. Eli’s not happy about her being that far. And I think Ava feels guilty.” Tony glances toward the sliding glass door, watching Ava and Eli duke it out in conversation. “They’ll be all right.”
“Sure they will,” I say with a nod, glancing around the room. My gaze snags on a dark head, and I know even though I can’t see her face that it’s Ellie. She’s talking with a gorgeous blonde, and I realize it’s Tony’s girlfriend, Hayden.
They glance over at me at the same time, averting their heads quickly when they spot me already staring, and I wonder…
“I think your girl and Ellie are talking about me,” I tell Tony.
“Oh really?” His voice is casual, like it’s no big deal. “Hayden is a huge fan of your music.”
“You don’t say?” I try to take a sip from my beer bottle but realize it’s empty. Damn it. “I’m thinking Ellie is filling her in on how much she hates me, and I bet your girlfriend eventually won’t like me anymore.”
“Hayden’s not like that,” Tony says. “She gives everyone a fair chance. Trust me, she’s a total fan. If she wasn’t so into me, I’d be jealous of the way she talks about you.”
I start to laugh. “You just made my night. Maybe Hayden could be the president of my fan club.”
“I think that’s more Ellie’s thing,” Tony says, sending me a knowing look.
“Not anymore.” Her catching me with that groupie in the dressing room ruined everything, I bet. I set my empty beer bottle on the kitchen counter. “I think I’m gonna go talk to her.”
“Who? Ellie? That’s probably not a good idea.” Tony frowns.
“Nah, I need to talk to her. It’s the right thing to do. Y’all are giving me shit for what I did. I need to acknowledge her.” Maybe even apologize to her, but shit. I never said we could end up together someday.
Tony yells at me as I make my way to the two women huddled together on the couch, but I ignore him, too busy concentrating on putting extra swagger in my step. So much, I nearly trip and fall on my fucking face since I’m so drunk.
The girls witness my near fall and don’t even crack a smile as they watch my approach. They just stare at me blankly.
Huh. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all.
Four
Ellie
“Stay strong,” Hayden murmurs close to my ear as we watch Jackson stagger toward us. How much did he have to drink anyway? “Don’t let him sweet talk you into removing your panties.”
“Ha, in my dreams,” I mutter, not even bothering to smile when he stops directly in front of us, his body swaying as if he’s being blown by the wind.
“Ladies.” He beams, and my heart flutters. I tell it to stop. “Talking about me?”
“Arrogant as ever, Jackson,” Hayden says, her voice light. Teasing. I need to do more of that. Be light. Teasing. But I’m too mad to be anything but a pissed-off bitch toward Jackson.
“Well, I couldn’t help but see you two looking over at me earlier.” He plops down onto the couch beside me, so close his warmth seeps into me. Slinging his arm around my shoulders, he leans forward so he can look at Hayden. “Tony tells me you’re a fan.”
“I’m going to kill him,” she mutters under her breath as she smiles pleasantly at Jackson. “Yes. I’ve enjoyed your performances.”
“Cool, cool.” He nods, his arm squeezing my shoulders as he tugs me closer. “Ellie here is my most devoted fan.”
“You don’t say.” The sarcasm in Hayden’s voice is heavy. “I had no idea.”
“Yeah, she’s been loving my music since my senior year in high school.” He gazes down at me, his perfect lips curved into the faintest smile. “I can always count on Ellie’s unwavering support.”
“Um, I’m going to go find Tony.” Hayden glances at me. “You going to be okay?”
I nod, ignoring the flare of panic lighting up my insides at her leaving us alone. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“I’ll come back and check on you in a few.” She stands, pointing at Jackson. “Be good.”
“Me?” He rests his free hand against his chest, seemingly offended. “Always.”
We watch her go, both of us quiet. I brace myself for what he might say. Or worse, for someone to approach and draw him away from me. I’m mad at him, but I’m also basking in his presence because, come on. It’s not easy for me to turn my feelings for him on and off. When he shows me those vulnerable little pieces of himself, pieces he doesn’t share with anyone else, I feel so connected to him, it’s hard to break free.
Like right now, while I stare at him like a lovesick fool.
“Did you enjoy tonight’s performance?” he asks me, his voice low. Intimate. It touches something deep inside of me, turning my legs to jelly and making me grateful I’m not standing right now.
“You were great, as always,” I reassure him, wishing he wasn’t touching me. Wishing he wasn’t sitting so close. I can’t think when he does these things.
“I’ve missed you.” He drops his head, his mouth right at my ear. “Did you miss me?”
I close my eyes for the briefest moment, wishing my ‘tangled up in him’ emotions away. This is what I’ve longed for all summer. Jackson paying attention to me and no one else.
I nod, unable to find the words. Too overwhelmed by his nearness. His voice.
It’s a weapon. One that shatters my defenses every time I hear it.
“You shouldn’t though,” he says, his fingers drifting up and down my arm, lulling me into this false sense of security. “I’m a prick. You saw me with that girl.”
“I don’t want to talk about her.” My voice is flat. I refuse to go back to that moment.
Even though it’s burned into my brain forever.
“I don’t either, but she’s right there, sitting in the forefront of your mind. Am I right?” When I nod again, he continues, “She means nothing to me. Not like you do.”
I lean back so I can stare into his beautiful blue eyes. I see nothing but sincerity in his gaze. “Are you just saying that?”
His mouth drops open. “No. You mean a lot to me, El.”
“Just as a friend, though. Right?”
He blinks at me, as if he can’t believe I’m calling him out for his shit. He deserves this. No matter how badly I’m quaking inside, scared I’m going to make him mad and push him out of my life for good, I have to do this.
“What are you asking me?” He seems genuinely confused.
“If you care about me so much, why do you get with other girls?” Why can’t he see me as more than a friend?
He makes a face. “Come on. I don’t want to have a heavy conversation with you tonight.”