“Why haven’t you signed a record deal yet?” This is from Diego, who’s looking at me as if I’m crazy. “I’m sure they’re offering you all the damn money in the world.”
I’m privileged AF and I know it. Diego comes from a middle-class family. A single mama who raised her two sons as best she could. He became a dad when he was eighteen, but he’s doing shit right. Sticking with his girl Jos while they raise their baby girl, Gigi. But he’s all about the money. He hustles during the off-season, trying to provide for his family.
So when he sees me squandering what looks like a good deal, he thinks I’m an idiot. And he’s probably right.
“Is it the money?” Caleb asks. He also comes from a middle-class family. Solid, hardworking parents. “Is it not enough?”
“It’s plenty.” I hesitate, not sure how to word it without sounding like an asshole. But too late. I am an asshole, so I decide to just say it. “But it’s not enough for me to take the deal.”
My dad is fucking rich. He is the manager of one of the most expensive hotels in the Yosemite Valley. Plus, he comes from money. My grandparents were rich too. I’ve had access to whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, my entire life.
Since my parents divorced, it’s been just me and Dad. Mom lives in Oregon. I used to visit her more, but life got busy—for her and for me. Dad has a girlfriend who’s only a few years older than I am, and they like to party. They’ve almost always been my source of booze and weed.
Until I went on tour, and everyone else became my source for booze and weed—among other things.
“How can you turn them all down and settle for this bullshit, when you could be doing so much more?” Diego asks, his voice incredulous. “You’re talented, man. Just—go for it and take the deal.”
How can I explain to them that I don’t want to give up what he calls ‘this bullshit’? I like going to college. Hanging with my friends. Meeting girls. Being on the team. Belonging to something. I have no siblings. Growing up, I spent a lot of time alone, and I hated it. This is why Tony and I bonded so quick last year. We have similar backgrounds.
I look around at all of my friends, and I realize quickly how much they mean to me. How much they won’t judge my ass for telling the truth.
“I’m not ready yet,” I admit quietly, staring at the beer bottle in my hand. I’m buzzing hard. Actually, I’m fucking drunk, and when I have this much alcohol in me, it makes me melancholy sometimes. “I want to play football.”
Caleb makes an exasperated breath. “Rather sit on the bench than get pussy every night?”
“He gets pussy every night whether he’s on a bench or not,” Eli jokes.
They all laugh, with the exception of me.
And Tony.
“I get what you mean,” he says to me, his voice quiet. When Tony talks, people lean in to listen. Because he always has something good to say. “Do your own thing, man. Do what makes you happy.”
I smile at him and hold my beer up, offering him a silent cheers before I slug half of it down.
Soon, I’m blindingly drunk, telling stories about being on the road. We’re laughing as I describe one of the many desperate chicks who snuck onto my tour bus. How I found her in my bed, buck naked, save for a pair of fire-engine red panties.
“Did you fuck her?” Caleb asks excitedly.
“Hell no.” I shake my head. “She was sixteen.”
They all groan in disappointment.
Jailbait is to be avoided at all costs.
“What are you boys doing out here?”
We glance up to find Ava standing there, looking pretty as can be, her gaze scanning over all of us. When her eyes meet mine, they narrow the slightest bit, and I know she’s not happy with me.
Not much I can do to change her mind, so I just grin at her in return.
“Jackson’s telling us stories about his summer,” Eli answers, slapping his hand against his thigh. “Come here.”
She plops down on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning in to give him a kiss. I watch them unabashedly, wondering what that would be like. To be with someone permanently. To have a steady girl in my life, one I could count on, one who would always be there for me, no matter what. Would I get bored of the same old pussy every night?
Probably.
I think of Ellie. How easy she is to talk to. How she accepts me no matter what. I can’t lie—I’ve been tempted to try something with her. See if there is any magic between us. I bet there would be. But she’d eventually have expectations and I don’t think I could meet them. I’m not the commitment type.
This is why it’s best I don’t try anything with her at all. No matter how much I want to.
“Where’s Ellie?” I ask Ava once she’s done kissing on my friend. The words leave me without thought, and I realize my mistake when Ava glares at me.
“Inside. Like you fucking care though,” she tosses at me.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, princess. Don’t be hostile to my friend,” Eli says, running his hand up and down her back in a soothing gesture.
“Don’t tell me to calm down, Eli. He’s the one who had his tongue down another girl’s throat when we walked into his dressing room.” Ava points at me.
“He didn’t know we were coming.” This is from Caleb, who sends me a bro nod.
I nod at him in return. “And may I correct your assessment? She had her tongue down my throat, not the other way around.”
“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to, it doesn’t make a damn difference,” Ava says, rising to her feet. “You fucked up, Rivers. That girl has been pining away for you all summer. Living for your texts at night. Dying for you to come home. First night she gets to see you, and she witnesses you with someone else.”
“We’re just friends,” I start, but Ava bursts out laughing.
“Please,” she says, shaking her head. “That’s what you think. That’s not what she wants.”
“I can’t control her,” I say morosely, hating how shitty Ava’s making me feel. I don’t need this right now.
I don’t want it.
“Then tell her how you really feel. End her misery once and for all. You’re just stringing her along. Using her.”
“I’m not using her.”
“This is getting way too heavy.” Caleb rises to his feet, stretching his arms above his head. “I’m gonna go find Baylee.”
“Another girl who’s getting strung along,” Ava says as Caleb starts to walk away. “Stop messing with her head, Caleb! I mean it!”
“Girl, you need to calm down,” Eli says when Caleb’s gone. “You’re pissing off all my friends.”
“Funny how you used to hate Caleb, back when he flirted with me,” she reminds him.
“Ava. Babe. You’re on fire tonight.” Eli shakes his head. “Why you starting so much drama?”
This is turning heated. The rest of us look at each other, silently communicating as we rise to our feet.
And get the hell out of there.
“Why are they fighting?” I ask Tony once we’re a safe distance away. As in, in my kitchen.
“Things are tense between them. She’s leaving soon,” Tony explains.