I know what he’s going to wrap up. Whatever he started with Brit. I’m sure he’ll have sex with her in this skeezy dressing room that’s probably seen plenty of action in the past. At the very least, he’ll get a blowjob from her.
God. I’m so desperate to leave, I can feel my entire body vibrating with the need to run. Just run and never look back.
“Okay, well take your time—oof.” Eli glares at Ava, who just jabbed him with her pointy elbow. “Yeah, just get back to the apartment as soon as possible okay, bro? We can’t really party until the guest of honor is with us.”
“Yeah. I’ll head over there in a few. Thanks again for coming tonight.” Jackson’s dark blue gaze meets mine and I stare back, letting my fury be known. But it’s as if it flies straight over his head. He doesn’t see it.
How does he not see it?
Oh, I know. He just doesn’t see everything else I throw his way. My undying love and devotion—he’s never noticed that. My endearing friendship? Nope, doesn’t realize that either. I’ve given him hours and hours of my time. I think about him every single day, worried, happy, curious, yearning. All of the emotions, they hit me when it comes to Jackson.
Yet he doesn’t think about me at all. Not at all.
Wait. I take that back. He does think about me. As his friend. As the one girl who’s always just sitting there, waiting to lap up whatever scraps he tosses my way.
Well, I’m done. I can’t be that girl any longer.
Jackson Rivers is dead to me.
And I mean it this time.
Three
Jackson
I fucked up.
When do I not fuck up when it comes to Ellie? It’s almost as if I want to get caught. Maybe I do. I’m not good enough for her. I never have been. She’s just so damn sweet, always there, always willing to talk to me, give me advice, encourage me when I need it the most. And I need that support a lot.
Deep down, I’m an insecure asshole who’s scared to take it to the next step with the pretty girl who’s been waiting in the wings for me to get off my ass and actually do something for far too long. And what happens? I start kissing some rando woman I don’t know and I get caught.
By Ellie.
If looks could kill, I’d be dead thanks to the glare Ava’s shooting my way as Eli grabs her arm and escorts her out of the dressing room. Always protective of her best friend. Gotta love that. Eli knows I got busted and I see the sympathy there in his eyes, though he’d never say anything in front of Ava and Ellie.
He’s not stupid.
All of my friends are currently looking at me as if I’ve lost my damn mind, which maybe I have. Well, with the exception of Caleb, who grins and flashes me two thumbs up as he nods in Brit’s direction before Diego shoves him.
They offer up muffled goodbyes as they exit the tiny dressing room and the minute the door is shut and they’re all gone, I breathe a sigh of relief.
Brit—I didn’t even realize that was her name until she introduced herself to everyone—is on me the second that they’re gone, her mouth finding mine as she grinds her tight body against me.
“I thought they’d never leave,” she murmurs against my lips before she dives her tongue into my mouth.
I kiss her for a while and then push her away, taking a couple of steps back for some much-needed space. “Don’t know if I want to do this.”
Huh. When do I not want to do this? I’m all about the quick fuck in a dressing room, hotel room, on the tour bus. Hell, wherever I can get it. I’ve lost track of how many women I’ve been with over the summer.
Too many to mention.
But now I can’t get Ellie’s face out of my mind. The flash of pain in her eyes when our gazes met. Seeing me with Brit hurt her.
I don’t know if she’ll forgive me for what she witnessed.
“What do you mean, lover?” Brit rests her hand over my dick, giving it a squeeze. “You seem ready to go to me.”
I remove her hand from my crotch. “Yeah. Not right now.”
Anger lights up her eyes. They’re pale blue and a little freaky. “So when? A few minutes? You want to change? I get it. You’re all sweaty and worked up.” She rests her hands on my shoulders, letting them roam over my chest. “I can help you burn off all that energy rumbling inside of you.”
Her words are tempting. She’s describing exactly what I’m feeling. I guess she’s done this before. How else would she get backstage when I didn’t invite her? Security must know who she is.
A groupie. It doesn’t matter what band you’re in, she’ll do you just for the clout.
“I don’t know…” My voice drifts.
She drops to her knees.
And I don’t stop her.
I show up at my apartment an hour later, freshly showered and without a lick of Brit’s cloying perfume on me. When she was finished, we shared a bottle of Jack, though I drank most of it. Kicked her out of the dressing room when I realized she wasn’t going anywhere. Cleaned up, then got an Uber home because I didn’t drive to Strummers, knowing I would get fucked up when my performance was over.
This is it for me this summer. My rock star moments are finished—for now. I still want to produce music. Write a few songs. Plan for a tour next summer. Maybe even put together a record—independently of course.
I don’t want some asshole in a suit telling me what to do.
The Uber driver drops me off in front of my apartment building and I climb out of the car, staring at my door. I can hear music coming from inside. The sound of raucous laughter. My heart immediately lightens and I feel like I’m home. With my friends.
Where I belong.
I march up the walkway and barge in through the door, throwing my arms up as soon as I enter. “The party can begin!” I yell.
There are at least thirty people crowded in my living and dining room, if not more, and all of them roar in approval when they spot me. I see members of our football team. Faces I don’t recognize whatsoever. Lots of pretty girls eyeing me up and down. And scattered among them all, my closest friends.
“You made it,” Eli says as he approaches me. He pulls me in for another hug and murmurs close to my ear, “Just a warning, but my girl and her best friend are plotting your death.”
“Noted,” I tell him with a firm nod, pulling away from him. “I should avoid?”
“At all costs,” Eli says seriously, which is not a normal look for him.
I knew Ellie would be sad. A little mad. But plotting my death?
I bet I can convince her what I did wasn’t so bad. I have in the past.
God, I’m such a dick. She should run screaming from me.
Forgetting Ellie for a moment, I let myself be embraced by our guests. So many people offer their congratulations. Tell me how glad they are that I’m back. I didn’t play much on the Bulldog football team last season, but we’re sophomores now, and I can tell my teammates are ready to embrace me.
It feels good. I feel welcomed. Missed.
Loved.
Diego finds me a beer and we all sit in a circle outside, on the back patio, in the only chairs available out there. People leave us alone, as if they know we need the time to talk. It’s me, Diego, Eli, Tony and Caleb.