“She’s persistent.” He held up a piece of paper with a phone number on it. “Should we call her later?”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re welcome to, but she’s not part of my rebound.”
“Good to know,” Pacey said. “Now, are you going to feed me?”
“Not even a little. But you’re welcome to have a bite.”
“A single bite? Oh, no, Mackenzie. I think I could use more. Just a single morsel.”
I ignored the flirting and the way it made me feel, all tight and oddly needy. Instead, we ate and laughed, and he was his perfectly British and flirty self.
By the time we finished dinner, I was full, happy, and wondering if this was how dates were supposed to be. There was no stress. Only fun. And yet, I was still nervous. Because of what would come next. What came after the first date? What was supposed to?
What did I want?
Pacey pulled up in front of the house, this time taking a spot behind the one he had before, but still in a prime position. “What kind of sorcery do you possess?” I asked, shaking my head.
Pacey grinned and raised a brow. I swallowed hard. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Oh,” I breathed. “Well...” I began and then trailed off.
Pacey shook his head. “Let me walk you to the door.”
Disappointment surged, and yet I felt relief. I nodded.
“Okay. That works.”
He smiled again. “It’s getting colder. I do believe snow is on the way. So, let’s get you inside where you’ll be warm.”
Was I supposed to invite him in? What was I supposed to do? Everything had just come naturally with Sanders, so naturally, it had imploded.
What was I supposed to think now?
Why was this so hard?
And why did I have to keep comparing him to Sanders? Because Pacey wasn’t Paul. I didn’t want him to be. I didn’t want anyone to be. I needed to push those thoughts and memories away and never think about them again. But they were so ingrained in my past, present, and future, that I didn’t know how I was supposed to do anything.
Pacey opened the door while I had been wool-gathering, and I looked up at him, then swallowed hard once again. He held out his hand and smiled. Such a sweet expression that went right to his eyes and did wicked things to his face. I ignored the twist low in my belly and slid my hand into his as I got out of the car. I closed the door behind me, and he tangled his fingers with mine and held my hand as he kept me steady and we walked up the stairs.
I was holding hands with Pacey Ziglar.
I had gone on a date with Pacey Ziglar.
As I stood on the front step and looked up at him, I didn’t know what else I might do with Pacey Ziglar.
He tilted his head and pushed my hair away from my face. “Did you have a good time tonight, Mackenzie?”
I licked my lips, and his gaze went straight to them. “I did. I am.”
He smiled then, and I lifted my chin and opened my mouth a bit, not knowing what I should say or do.
Pacey kept his gaze on mine as if asking for permission. I nodded ever so slightly, and he lowered his lips to mine, just a gentle brush, a sweet caress, He kissed me, a quick kiss, somewhat more pressure than a peck but no full sensation. When he pulled away, I realized that he was only the second boy I’d ever kissed.
The second one I would ever kiss.
I tried to say something, attempted to say thank you or tell him to have a good night, but nothing came out. Instead, I hiccuped, and the tears fell. All I could do was look at him, mortified.
Pacey gave me a small smile and pushed my hair back from my face again.
“It’s okay, Mackenzie. It’s about time you did this.”
I looked at him, confused, even as the tears fell harder. “You expected me to cry after you kissed me?”
“I expected you to feel something. To cry, to do anything…long before this. You are so strong, Mackenzie. You don’t have to hide it anymore.”
“So this was just a ruse? To make me cry?” I asked through sobs. He clicked his tongue, a move quite odd for a boy his age, but then pulled me close. I stiffened in his hold, my head resting on his chest, but slowly wrapped my arms around his waist and let myself weep. I cried for the girl I had been, for the one I would never be again.
And for the future that had broken beneath my feet.
I cried in the arms of the boy who held me, who made me smile, made me laugh. Made me feel. And I’d never been more confused in my life.
Chapter 6
Pacey
I coughed into my hand, annoyed with myself. I walked into my bathroom, washed my hands, cleaned my face, and sucked nasal spray up my nose. I added eyedrops and took another antibiotic.
I was exhausted, but that’s what happened when you got a sinus infection out of the blue. I was used to infections by now, but I didn’t usually get them during the first month of school. However, it had been a hard winter, after a summer full of fires and smoke, so I shouldn’t be surprised that my sinuses were acting up now. Thankfully, I seemed to be on the mend, but I was still a little tired. I was also a bit short of breath, though I knew that came from the postnasal drip lovingly coursing down my throat and entering my lungs, but hopefully, I wouldn’t need to be hospitalized again.
When I was younger, I had always likened myself to the kid from My Girl. Only instead of bees, it was anything and everything else. My mother had always sobbed when we watched that movie, and I didn’t know why she continued watching it, even now. I was pretty sure the damn thing was older than I was.
I saw myself in that kid, though. The first kiss and then finding a ring for a girl just because they were your best friend.
And then dying because bees sucked, and life was cruel.
I pushed those odd thoughts away and shook my head. I just needed to get through today. I rewashed my hands, added some hand sanitizer just in case, and winged my way downstairs. I had a study date with Nessa. Although we weren’t in the same classes this semester, we still wanted to study together. She always made me think, and I enjoyed her company. We used to be the three musketeers with Corinne around, and I hated that she was no longer with us.
I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with her gone. Though I had faced my mortality at a young age, I wasn’t sure I’d known what it meant for others to die around me.
I frowned, taking the final steps as the doorbell rang.
“Nessa?” Miles asked from the his study area. He and Tanner shared the library, while Dillon and I shared the office. Sanders had occupied the desk in the back alcove area that worked for him. Now, it was the catch-all for all of our extra books and notebooks. We were less than a month into school and were already getting messy. I’d have to work on cleaning things up. It just went to remind me that I had a feeling that it wasn’t Sanders who had kept us clean last semester but rather his girlfriend.
Mackenzie. The girl that I had made cry.
I pushed those thoughts from my head once again. I hadn’t meant to make her cry. But I was glad that she’d finally felt something. Wasn’t I?
“She’s here to study,” I said, finally answering Miles.
He gave me a hard look. “So... Nessa and Mackenzie?”
I narrowed my eyes at my friend and roommate, trying to understand what his problem could be. “Do you have a problem with that?”