I wasn’t bitter or anything.
Much.
But that was just who Hunter was.
He constantly did things to make sure that he got the best of everything, even if he had to step on people along the way.
Maybe that rule was right. Perhaps no one had seen it, and my advisor had pushed me in the wrong direction. It hadn’t been malicious on her part—at least I hoped it hadn’t. But I had been screwed, nonetheless.
And Hunter made sure that everybody knew he had beaten me. Said he always did.
But not today. Today, I would take my step in the right direction. Finally.
So, I ignored Hunter Williams, III.
The asshole.
“Ms. Thomas, if you’ll meet with me in my office?” Dr. Michaels said, and I nodded.
“Of course,” I replied aloud.
Hunter smirked, but I ignored him. I wasn’t being sent to the principal’s office. This was a planned meeting. I sat in front of Dr. Michaels and tried to rein in my excitement. Today was the day.
I would sign the papers and work towards my program. My senior year would be all about my thesis, and I needed my advisor to make that work. But my junior year was when I could choose which advisor to work with. I had already decided, and Dr. Michaels and I had an understanding. Today, that would be cemented. I would also work on the dates for my internship. I had been planning this since freshman year, and Dr. Michaels knew it. I was setting my sights high and knew that things would work out. They might not do so in my personal life, but I was moving past that and finding my future.
And this was only part of that.
“Ms. Thomas,” Dr. Michaels began, and I smiled, but not too brightly.
“Hello, Dr. Michaels. I really enjoyed your lecture today.”
“Of course,” he muttered, looking down at his notes.
“And thank you for meeting with me,” I began again, trying to think of what else to say. This would be a difficult semester if it turned out like this, but I would figure it out.
“Anyway, I suppose we should just get started.”
Excitement bubbled up within me, and I did my best not to bounce in my seat.
“Of course. I cannot wait to get started. I have so many ideas for where I want to go, but I know that my senior thesis will be fantastic, what with working with you. We’ll be able to work together, and I’ll learn so much. Thank you.”
He gave me a kind smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. A slight edge of worry slid through me.
“Well, Ms. Thomas, that’s what I need to talk to you about.”
I froze, unnerved at his tone. “Oh?” I asked, trying not to sound as if I were shaking inside.
“As you know, we hadn’t made any final decisions yet. And with the way the budget is, I’m only allowed to have one student this year.”
“I see.” I didn’t, but it seemed like the best thing to say.
“And though you are a strong candidate, I decided to go in another direction.”
“Excuse me?” This couldn’t be right. This slot was mine.
“I know you seem to think we had an understanding, even as early as last semester, and I’m sorry to have led you astray. But this is business. You’ll need to learn to toughen up. Be a man about it.”
“Be a man about it?” I whispered.
He rolled his eyes and floated his fingers in the air. “Or a woman. Whatever you need me to say that’s more politically correct. As I said, I’ve gone in another direction. You’re a strong candidate, but you’re not what I’m looking for,” he repeated. “You’re going to land on your feet. You always do. You’ll be able to find your program and internship pretty easily, most likely. There are other classes out there that you can focus on. Maybe something not so difficult as mine. I’m a taskmaster, and I need someone who will be up for it.”
I sat there, my hand shaking, everything breaking inside.
This couldn’t be happening. That understanding we’d had, had been Dr. Michaels saying outright that I was getting the program and internship and that I didn’t need to look elsewhere. And I hadn’t wanted to. This was the path I wanted to take. I had done the research. I had taken a year to go through everything that I could to pick this one. I wasn’t headstrong and blind to my faults or his, but I knew this was what I wanted. And he had promised it to me. Now, he was tossing it all away.
Another sick wave slammed into my stomach and twisted my insides.
“This can’t be true. We already talked about this. We were going to work together.”
“You need to get things in writing.”
“But...I had...”
He shook his head. “That’s something you’ll learn as an adult. And that’s fine, you’ll learn. Maybe pursue something a little softer. A little less strict and complicated for you.”
That put my back up, and I raised my chin. “Excuse me? I’m your best student. I have been all year and in the class last year. You know that.”
“You’re not my best student. You try hard, and you work hard, but with others, it comes naturally. It’s understandable, though. Not everybody’s cut out for this. Please don’t make a scene. I hate when people make scenes.”
“Oh,” I whispered, trying not to scream. He didn’t mean just people. He clearly hated women. He resented that they made scenes, at least in his opinion. Disliked that I wasn’t conforming to his ideals.
“Who took my place?”
“It was never your place, Ms. Thomas. I don’t understand why you keep thinking that way. But if you must know, it was a bright student that I have high hopes for. Mr. Williams.”
I swallowed hard, tears pricking the backs of my eyes. Not because I was sad or truly upset but because I was so fucking angry. And when I got angry, I cried.
That would likely make me a weepy woman in his eyes, so I refused to let myself break down. I blinked back the tears, hoping he didn’t see them, and fisted my hands in my lap.
“I wasn’t aware he was looking towards this area of expertise.”
“It seems you were unaware of many things. Now, I don’t need you to make that scene of yours. Just know that this is not personal. I need you to focus on finding an advisor. It will not be me. Please close the door on your way out and remember that you have homework.”
“I...there’s nothing I can do?” I asked, sputtering now.
“No. I’ve made my decision. You would do well to remember that college isn’t like high school. You don’t get everything you want just by smiling and pretending that you’re going to get it. You need to work hard, and you need to be prepared for disappointments. Now, again, close the door on your way out.”
I stood on shaky legs and raised my chin, just like Pacey had told me to do that one night, and I walked away from my dreams. Yet again.
Hunter stood in the hallway, smirking.
“Oh, look at you, disappointed again.”
“I hate you,” I whispered. And I hated myself for even saying those words. Because I shouldn’t hate him. I shouldn’t even think about him. Why was he here? Why was he always doing this?
“Aw, poor little buttercup. Now I’m going to talk with my advisor. Good luck finding yours this late in the game. You know, for someone who likes to plan so much, you sure do seem to have nothing in the end. I kind of like it. And since you’re not with Sanders anymore, if you’re ever looking for a little retreat, a way to get that stick out of your ass? Just call me. Bye, buttercup.” He sauntered into the room, closing the door behind him. All I could do was stand there, feeling like I was going to throw up.