I stand up and stop in front of him. “Please, don’t let this house be the defining factor of the life I’ve lived. It can’t tell you that from the time that Tom and I got married, I was alone. He took that job with his father and he was gone. We got two weeks after getting married, and that’s when I got pregnant with Erin. If it weren’t for her, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I don’t know if I would have stuck around here, waiting on him. He was never around, never. I raised her on my own, and he came home for a weekend a month. And the longer he worked there, the less frequent those trips home were until they eventually stopped altogether. Tom and I, we never had a real marriage, and now it’s over anyway. I signed the papers and he’s living in London.”
“There must have been some happy times. You must have loved him at some point. I saw the pictures in there. It looks like the two of you had the perfect life together.”
“I worked very hard at convincing others and myself at one point in time that we did have the perfect life together. It’s all just an illusion, Logan. None of it was real.” I stop and take a breath, getting the courage I need. “Honestly, I don’t know if I’ve felt anything real since the day you left.”
I look up and our eyes lock. Something is being exchanged as his chest starts rising and falling faster. He wets his lips and breathes out, “Fuck, El.” His hands grab me, and he pulls me to his chest where our lips finally meet.
The kiss starts slow and timid, but something breaks between us, and years of love and passion come pouring out. As his lips move with mine, his hands travel up to tangle into my hair, pulling me so close. I feel his teeth nip my lip, and it sets free the wild side that’s been building up inside me of, the wild side that hasn’t been unleashed or explored in years. She’s finally free, the teenage girl I used to be. And the longer I stand here in his arms, the stronger she’s getting.
His tongue makes its way into my mouth, and he tastes just like I remember. It makes my stomach tighten as tingles flood my body. He picks me up against him and carries me over a few feet to press my back against the brick wall of the awning. With me in place, his hands move to cup my cheeks, deepening the kiss. With my eyes closed, it’s easy to imagine that it’s not the Logan of today. It’s the Logan that drove away from me that day. The eighteen-year-old boy who knew exactly how to set my soul on fire. I don’t feel like the forty-year-old woman I am either. I feel eighteen again, ready to throw caution to the wind and take a leap of faith with him.
“Mom?” Erin’s voice cuts through our moment, and I break the kiss while he sets me on my feet. He keeps his back turned on her while I rush her inside the house.
I open the door, let us in, and close it behind me.
“Who the hell is that?” she asks with wide eyes and a smile playing on her lips.
I take a deep breath, needing to calm down. “That’s Logan.”
“Logan? Who in the hell is Logan?” she asks as I walk her through the house, toward the front door.
“Remember, years ago, when you asked me if Daddy was the only man I ever loved and how I told you that there was a guy when I was in high school?”
Her mouth drops open as our feet stop moving. “That’s him? That’s your first love?”
I nod. “Mm-hmm, and you’re kind of ruining the moment, so if you would…” I motion toward the front door.
She giggles. “I don’t have anywhere to go or anything to do. I’m broke.”
I grab my purse off the entryway table and pull out a wad of cash. “Here, take it. Go shopping for your dorm room or something.”
She laughs but gladly takes the money I’m giving her and exits out the front door.
I feel breathless as I turn and make my way back to the patio where Logan is back at the table. “Sorry about that,” I say, walking over to take my seat.
He lets out a nervous laugh. “We used to have to worry about parents catching us. Now we’re worrying about kids catching us,” he jokes.
I pick up my glass of wine and take a sip. “Yeah, but now I give the orders instead of taking them,” I point out.
My phone goes off, and I pick it up to see that it’s a notification from the local Italian restaurant. “Oh, food is here. Be right back.”
I go retrieve the food and take everything back to the patio table. “Hope you still like baked ziti because that’s what I ordered,” I say, emptying the bags.
“Love it. Italian is still my favorite.”
I set his dish down in front of him and mine in front of me. I open the breadsticks and leave them in the middle for the both of us. He takes a bite and points at it with his fork. “This is amazing.”
I smile and nod. “Mm-hmm, they’ve been around for a few years. It’s Erin’s favorite.”
“So, do I ever get to meet her? I mean, under better pretenses that is?”
I smile. “I’d like that. I’ve told her about you, you know?”
He smirks, and it gives my heart wings that flutter in my chest. “Really? Like what?”
I shrug one shoulder as I poke at my food. “I told her that you were my first love and I thought that we’d end up married and together forever. I told her about our prom and all the stupid, silly things we used to do, like riding around on that deathtrap of yours without helmets, getting drunk at the football games, and carving our initials into the table at our favorite pizza place on the square.”
“That place closed down I noticed.”
“Yeah, it did a couple of years after you left. It’s been opened several times under new ownership, but it never lasts for long. I haven’t been in there since, but all the same tables are still in there, so I bet we could find ours if we looked.”
“Let’s go,” he says, a look of determination forming in his eyes.
“What? Like now?”
He nods, still grinning.
I laugh. “I meant, get in touch with the owner and see if he’d let us in. There’s nobody there now. What are we supposed to do, break in?”
He nods, his eyes now wide, like he’s saying, duh.
“What? No way! I’m a mother. I can’t be getting arrested for breaking and entering.”
He rolls his eyes. “We won’t get caught. Come on. Let’s do it.” He stands and takes my hand.
“Logan, no. We can’t,” I argue as he drags me to the door.
Finally, he stops and spins me around to face him. “Have I ever got you into trouble before?”
“No.”
“Have I ever led you in the wrong direction before?”
“No, but…”
“Then trust me. You used to trust me, remember?” And then he leans in and kisses me, and I’m done for.
I don’t know what it is about him, but when we’re together, I feel like we’re still just a couple of kids. A couple of kids who don’t care about getting into trouble or the consequences. A couple of kids who just want to be together. And right now, that’s all I want. I just want to be with him. I don’t care what we do.
Ten
Logan