“I liked the idea of helping people. It’s an interesting field.”
“How much more do you have left?” Summer asked.
“I’m in the writing phase of my dissertation. All the research is done.”
“I don’t really know what that entails,” Melvin said, “but I suspect it means you spend a lot of time at a computer.”
Erika smiled at him. “That’s exactly what it entails. Lots of drafting, lots of rewriting, lots of double-checking my research, sometimes finding huge holes in my work.”
Summer was listening intently. “That can’t be easy when you’re caring for a baby on your own.”
“It’s not,” Erika admitted. “I haven’t done anything in the past month. I’m trying not to panic, but I’m behind.”
“I hate that feeling,” Tommy said, leaning forward to take another sliver of cake. “I don’t like being behind. Makes me irritable.”
“Makes you an ass,” Billy corrected. “But that’s also what makes you such a good competitor. You never say die.”
“You can’t,” Tommy agreed, licking the frosting from his fork prongs. “Wyatts never quit, and we never give up.” He looked up, a dimple flashing in his cheek. “Even when we should.”
“So, what’s next?” Melvin asked her.
“I’m trying not to get anxious, but I do need to get back to work soon. I need to graduate on time. I need to start earning money—and to do that I need my degree, need work, need to become a licensed therapist.”
“We could use a therapist in the family,” Tommy said. “Billy could use a lot of help, someone to help him sort through his fear of relationships. Why does love scare him—”
“Alright, that’s enough,” Billy interrupted, no more laughter in his voice. “I’m not interested in being dissected—”
“You mean analyzed,” Tommy corrected.
“Same thing.” Billy pushed back from the table, and began collecting the dessert plates and coffee cups. “I’m making it an early night tonight,” he said. “Tomorrow I’m back on the road.”
*
Erika hadn’t thought she’d see any more of Billy that night, but he knocked on her bedroom door after she and Beck had retired for the evening. She opened the door, pointed to the baby sleeping in the portable crib, and then stepped out of her room, closing the door behind her.
“You okay?” she asked.
His brow creased. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Tommy just seemed to take a dig or two at you.”
Billy shrugged. “That’s normal.”
“But it seemed to be a little too personal, especially when it came to you and relationships.”
“That I don’t do relationships?” His big shoulders shifted, and his flannel shirt, already half unbuttoned, fell open, exposing a lot of skin. And muscles. Impressive muscles. “It’s true. Not something I try to hide.”
She studied him intently, aware that there was more behind his breezy tone. “Maybe that’s why April didn’t reach out to you after she discovered she was pregnant. Maybe she knew you didn’t do relationships so the whole parenthood thing was a moot point.”
“If that was the case, she shouldn’t have assumed.”
“Maybe it was hard for her. She clearly had feelings for you—”
“No.”
“Yes. She spent a lot of time chasing you from rodeo to rodeo. She made a whole photo album about one of your special weekends. You don’t commemorate a one-night stand with a photo album. You forget a one-night stand. You put the man, and the memory, away. But she didn’t do that. She wanted to remember you. She… cherished you.”
“I made no promises to her. There were no commitments. Your cousin was an adult. A consenting adult who enjoyed sex. I enjoyed sex. We enjoyed sex together. Not sure why that gives you the right to subject me to your psychoanalysis babble.”
“Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s babble.”
“Just because I didn’t graduate with a plethora of college degrees doesn’t mean I’m a hick.”
“I never said that.”
“But you have formed strong opinions about me, and I’m not sure they’re all justified.”
“Everyone forms opinions. It’s human nature.”
“Want to know my opinion of you?”
She stiffened even as her gaze met his. “Not if you’re going to be unkind.”
“Why do you think I’d be unkind?”
“You’re not a fan of psychology.”
“I think you truly want to help people, and I respect that. But April wasn’t a saint, and she may have fantasized about a future with me, but that wasn’t ever going to happen. Did she keep Beck from me on purpose? I don’t know. Was she not sure Beck was mine? I don’t know that, either. All I know is that you’re here with him, and tomorrow I’ll take a DNA test, and soon we’ll have facts. Facts are what matter now. The rest of it… doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“I think you’re better at compartmentalizing than I am. It’s something I need to work on.”
“You seem to think you need a lot of work. I don’t see it.”
She looked away, averting her face. “We can always be better.”
“We can always torture ourselves about our weaknesses, too. That doesn’t interest me, though. I’d rather get stuff done than spend my life beating myself up.”
*
Billy studied her delicate profile, her elegant features framed by a mass of golden hair. Erika did little to her appearance. He couldn’t even see any makeup, other than maybe a touch of mascara that she hadn’t yet taken off, and even without makeup, she was beautiful. Naturally pretty. In any other situation he’d be flirting with her, teasing her, testing her response to him, but this wasn’t a normal situation. He wasn’t going to take her to bed. For one, she was Beck’s guardian. For another, she was April’s cousin—which was a whole thing in and of itself.
He liked women. Enjoyed bedding them. But he didn’t just hook up with anyone. It had to make sense. He had rules. No married women. No engaged women. No women seeing someone seriously.
No chicks with kids.
No pretending he was looking for love.
No pretending there was a chance for a relationship.
He didn’t want a wife. He didn’t want children. He just wanted to be free and pursue his career. It was what he cared about, and what he wanted most.
But with Erika just an arm’s length away, he felt aware of her as a woman, a warm, achingly beautiful woman, as well as a woman who had no interest in him, and God help him, but that appealed. He loved challenges, responded to them, but this wasn’t a challenge he could accept. So he wouldn’t make a move, but that didn’t make her any less physically appealing.
If anything, it made her more so.
“After the DNA test tomorrow, I’m going to be heading on to Boise. I need to be there a few days early as one of my sponsors has a VIP party for me to attend Thursday night, and then a meet and greet at the local mall Friday at noon.”