CHAPTER FOUR
PEYTON
“Pey, can you grab Millie off the floor before she faceplants in the cat food again,” Addy shouted from her position near the dog kennels. Whipping my head around in the direction of the cat area to see my boss’ six-month-old daughter indeed already face first in the bowl of dry cat food.
“Um, too late,” I grumbled in a low voice rushing over to save the little girl from another round of cat food being plucked out of her mouth by her tired mother.
“Mills, you are going to give your mother grey hairs before nature does,” I cooed at the baby as I lifted her chubby body into my arms, tiny pieces of fish flavoured biscuits hitting the floor.
“You are the devil incarnate, aren’t you pretty girl?” Lifting her into my arms, I blew raspberries on her plump belly, her giggles lighting me up inside despite my worry over not hearing from Rafe since he left for … wherever he went early this morning.
Our early morning together was so different from the night before. Then he had been relaxed and comfortable around me; we watched movies and ate sweet treats while he idly massaged and rubbed my feet. There had not been much in the way of cuddling like we usually did, but it was a nice and cosy time. Rafe and Peyton time.
Then he woke at the crack of dawn, and suddenly he put his mask up. Both making awkward small talk while I made him a hot breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, cooked tomato and half a loaf of toasted bread. It was funny how fast I learned Rafe’s favourite foods, movies and his general likes and dislikes. For example, I knew he liked his towels to be dried on the line and not in the dryer and that he preferred a little milk with his coffee instead of cappuccino style. Rafe had a serious aversion to coffee made with milk and not water-based.
Then he left, taking my car at my insistence. I liked having his car in my driveway. It gave me the illusion that there was something more between us than friendship.
“Oh my god, get a life, Peyton,” I muttered, annoyed at myself for my obvious obsession with the sexy but complex commando.
“Eeeeeee,” little Millie squealed suddenly, reaching out and grabbing a tiny fist of my hair, then promptly tried to stuff it in her mouth.
“Yes, baby girl, my hair is a pretty colour but don’t mistake it for fairy floss darlin’,” I laughed at her, doing my best to untangle my hair from her chubby hand while holding her securely.
“Quit your squirming, munchkin. I don’t think your daddy will be happy if I drop you.”
“You won’t drop her, Peyton,” a deep voice said from the door of the animal room.
“Oh hey, Grill, um Marshall.” Looking over my shoulder to see the man I was just referring to walk in.
“I don’t mind which name you call me, really either is fine. Need some help?” he asked, wriggling his eyebrows at his daughter.
“Please, she has quite the grip,” I replied, ruefully waiting for Grill to take hold of his daughter properly before using both hands to pry my hair from Millie’s tight grip.
“No wonder my wife is so happy when I get home from deployment. Miss Millie is a handful, but we wouldn’t have her any other way.” The way Grill looked at his daughter just about brought tears to my eyes. Marshall ‘Grill’ Webber was the type of person you didn’t judge by his appearance.
Big and angry looking, and if you didn’t know him and had no clue he was just a big teddy bear, you would walk across the street to avoid walking past him. Since he and Addy found each other after what they both thought would be just a one-night stand and instead resulted in little Millie, they had found their very happy ending. Both Grill and Addy welcomed me into not only their little family but also the Wounded Souls’ family. The large bunch of alpha bikers and their wives had been nothing but supportive, and I loved them, but it was my relationship with Rafe, as complicated as it was, that made me thankful for the inclusion into the fold.
Pulling a few strands of hair out of Millie’s fist, I rubbed a knuckle down her chubby cheek. “There, all gone, munchkin.”
“You’re good with her.” Grill noticed. “Do you have nephews or nieces?”
“No.” My voice came out barely over a whisper, thanks to the lump in my throat. It happened whenever I was anywhere near Millie, or when I thought about a particular time in my life, I wished like hell I had back. To have a do-over, anything to change the course of my life, starting with the worst night when I lost everything.
“Peyton, I’m sorry if I overstepped with my question,” Grill apologised quickly, obviously seeing the distress on my face. “It’s just that this isn’t the first time I have noticed how good you are with Mills.”
Annoyed at myself for falling back into my old familiar pattern of getting lost in my grief, I conjured up a smile and some courage. Not talking about my past had become a habit for me, one I needed to break.
“No, Grill, it’s fine. You weren’t over-stepping. I don’t like to talk about my past, but I think it’s time I did.” Tears pricked the backs of my eyes and I closed them, and in my mind, I saw my little boy, smelt his sweet baby scent as if he was here in the room with me.
“Um, do you want Addy? She is much better at this kind of thing,” Grill stammered, looking very uncomfortable all of a sudden, not that I could blame him. The amount of times Addy burst into tears during her pregnancy scared me, so I could only imagine what it did to her big, bad soldier.
Oh god, I miss Rafe.
Just thinking about our farewell this morning brought more tears to my eyes, no longer threatening to spill but spilling. Fat tears dripped down my cheeks and small, hiccupping sobs, escaping my lips.
Where was he? Where did he go every time he left Ballarat? Why was everything with him such a goddamned secret?
“Fuck Peyton, don’t cry please, for the love of God, don’t cry,” Grill pleaded, looking around the empty animal room desperately. Little Millie was in his arms laughing every time her father swung her this way, then that as he looked for a way to escape my sudden breakdown, her loud gleeful giggles bringing her mother running.
“Is Millie laughing again?” Addy squealed, coming rushing into the room then stopping as soon as she saw the tears rolling down my face.
Turning on her husband, Addy narrowed her eyes at him. “What did you do?”
“Me? I didn’t do a fucking thing, I promise, Sweet Cheeks,” Grill argued, his voice high pitched and not at all like his deep timbre. I couldn’t help the deranged giggles that escaped in between my sobs.
“Don’t swear, Marshall, Millie is going to sound like a member of Team FIVE, and if that happens, then you are on the couch, mister.” Addy walked over to me, her arms coming around my shaking shoulders.
“Honey, can you take Millie and give Pey and me a minute?” I heard Addy ask her husband softly. My face planted against her upper arm in an attempt to hide my crying face from Grill.
“Yeah, Sweet Cheeks, take more than a minute, baby. I will take Mills home and put her down for her nap, have some daddy and daughter time,” Grill murmured, his voice sounded close. Kissing noises came next, and then I felt Grill move away.
“Might make a phone call to a certain sniper and rip him a new one,” he muttered darkly, the door closing giving me a chance to voice my displeasure at the idea of bringing Rafe into this. He had no blame here, other than leaving without giving me a clue as to where he goes. The simple fact of the situation was I had no claim on Rafe, on him or his time. I couldn’t exactly be mad at him for his secrecy when I had a whopper of mine I was yet to share.