“You can mate, you are the only one holding yourself back from something with her,” he muttered, shaking his head.
Lifting my beer to my lips, I took a gulp, not tasting the hops or the cold liquid as it trickled down my throat.
“If only that were true,” I muttered back, walking off, leaving my captain standing there staring at me. I knew this because I could feel his grey eyes boring into my back until I turned the corner of the main building and out of his sight.
It sucked being a sniper sometimes, that sixth sense of being watched wasn’t always a good thing to have.
Neither was being responsible for someone losing their life.
CHAPTER TWO
PEYTON
He’s home.
For the first time in six weeks, I felt like I could take a breath and relax.
This was only the second deployment for Rafe since the fire at the vet clinic, and it was no easier on me than the first one had been.
Six months ago, the worst day of my life was replaced in my memory when Justin Johnston decided that Addy’s vet clinic needed to be burnt down, with her and me in it.
Thankfully Addy’s man Grill realised she was missing from the compound and rushed to the clinic with Rafe, the Souls and a bunch of firefighters. They came crashing into the back room where my boss and I were trapped and saved us.
Well, they saved me from the flames, but not from the nightmares and deathly fright that Justin will be back to finish the job. That night I truly thought I was going to die. All of the times when I was eighteen and wished for death, for the pain to go away once and for all, paled in comparison to my begging prayers to live.
Shame and regret filled me since, fancy wanting to die, but when I had been faced with the grim reality that I might, all I wanted to do was stay alive and start living again.
Unfortunately, with Justin still out there somewhere, living wasn’t exactly what I was doing. Surviving? Maybe, but only just. The only time I felt truly alive was when a certain black-haired, muscle-bound sniper was around.
After the night of the fire, when he carried me possessively to the ambulance, not letting me go once, even sitting on the gurney with me on his lap while the paramedics looked me over, Rafe became my beacon of light. There was nothing more than friendship between us, but he quickly inserted himself into my life, and now I wasn’t sure if I could do without his strength.
In the quiet of my house, I could admit that he meant a hell of a lot more to me than just a friend, but I would never say those words out loud and absolutely not to Rafe. If all we would have was friendship, then I was taking it. Just as long as he was in my life in some small way, then I could cope with the lonely nights and dreams of a romance with him.
“I’m liking the pink. It suits you.” I smiled at the sound of the deep voice. I knew he would come and find me as soon as I saw him spotting me heading out of the compound’s main building.
“Just like black and camo green suits you,” I answered, sliding down the bench seat to give Rafe room to sit down.
“Hey there, Bunny, I missed you,” Rafe whispered, his arm going around my shoulders and pulling me into him. That was Rafe, he was a toucher. Not in an inappropriate way; in fact, I was the only one he gave affection to really. Other than the slaps on the back to his teammates, Rafe kept a respectable distance from the women at the club. Except me.
Leaning into his embrace, I lowered my head to his chest and breathed in deeply, my nose buried in his black tee.
“I missed you too, Rafe, missed you too.” My arms winding around his thick torso, holding myself to him.
“Have you been doing okay? Your last letter didn’t give me a good vibe, babe.”
“There were some good and some bad days,” I admitted, “sometimes I feel like I am making progress, then I see someone on the street that looks like him or sounded like him and I can’t move. I am so sick of it, Rafe.” My body shuddered involuntarily and I hated that. I had spent years getting better only for a man I didn’t even know to destroy me all over again.
“Hmmm, I get that Bunny, time is what you need, just time,” Rafe murmured, his chin on the top of my head.
“And your cuddles,” I hummed, tightening my arms around him. His body was too thick for me to clasp my hands together behind his back, but that is what I loved so much about Rafe, his muscles and his cuddles. No one would think, looking at his gruff exterior, that the man loved to sit on a couch and play with my hair while I sat on his lap or snuggled into the crook of his arm, but he did—for me.
It scared me how quickly I had come to depend on Rafe for comfort. It frightened me even more that he allowed me to depend on him. Before the fire, sitting at home alone never bothered me; baking, arts and crafts and walking my dogs filled my time just nicely. I liked my own company, preferred it even–until I didn’t.
Rafe literally fitted himself onto my couch and my life and … stayed. Now, I couldn’t bear to be without him.
His deployments have been hard on me, the first one more so because the clinic had not been up and running at that time, so I basically locked myself in my house and hid from the world. Addy often visited, insisting on making sure I ate and spoke to at least one person once a day. Her husband, Grill, served on the same team as Rafe, leaving Addy alone at the same time, so she was the right person to help me figure out how to deal with the long periods of loneliness. And that fact annoyed me. Since when did I all of a sudden become lonely or not know how to fill in time? Before I met Rafe, I had everything in my life under control. Yes, it was just my dogs and me, no family to speak of, at least none that I spoke to, but I was certainly contented.
Twenty-five, I owned my own home, a better than competent vet nurse and a contributing member of society. Now I was scared of my own blasted shadow.
“So, I’m staying here in Ballarat tonight, want to hang out with me? Maybe catch a movie, or you could commandeer Stella’s kitchen and make some of those homemade donuts?” Rafe suggested his voice rumbling at the top of my head, causing tiny sparks to shoot through my body right down to the place that had been dormant for five years.
“Sneaky Rafe, using my love of baking against me,” I drawled, clucking my tongue, “I don’t mind baking for you, but can we go to my place instead of staying here?” I tried to keep my voice light, but even I could hear my trepidation. The Wounded Souls were a great group of guys, they have done nothing but help me with my trouble getting over the attack. It was just … I felt guilty because they were taking my side over a family member.
Carefully Rafe peeled me away from his chest, his big hands cupping my face.
“Bunny, we can go anywhere you like, you know these guys will always protect you. You are part of the Souls family, honey, and you have nothing to fear here.” Rafe’s knuckles swept down one cheek, the combination of rough and smooth of his skin igniting another round of sparks.
Resisting the urge to squeeze my legs together and ease the discomfort between my legs, I concentrated on his kind words instead and the meaning behind them.
“I know, and trust me, I am not afraid of them. I guess I feel partly responsible for them taking my side over … his,” I admitted, choosing not to say the name but it still hung between us, “especially Kelsey and Jason, being his parents.”