To be uncertain she wanted to see me was a position I’d never been in. One I’d put myself in. And I didn’t like it one bit.
“Sean?” I heard someone call out and looked up to see Connor walking toward me.
My mouth suddenly tasted bitter and I felt a rush of anger. “Connor,” I replied tartly.
He looked down momentarily at his hands before meeting my eyes once again.
“I’m so glad Kelly’s awake. I’m really happy for you and Jake.”
I wanted to lash out. To scream and shout at him like I had the first time I’d seen him standing by my wife’s bedside in the hospital. To rail at him for causing her to be here in the first place.
But I knew Kelly wouldn’t approve. Also, even though it was a hard pill to swallow, I knew I couldn’t blame him for my actions, regardless of whether or not I thought he was the catalyst.
I managed to say, “Thank you,” and then asked, “Have you just seen her?”
He looked over his shoulder toward the direction he’d come, toward her room, and nodded.
“Yeah, she’s in kind of low spirits today, but she’s moving around better.”
I swallowed my retort and it felt like acid on my tongue.
I knew why she was in low spirits, but, by God, it was none of his business and I sure as hell wasn’t going to have a heart to heart with him about the goings on between me and my wife.
When I didn’t reply, Connor said, “You about to head in?”
He was watching me warily, so I gave him a smile that I hope didn’t look like I was baring my teeth at him and held up the copy of Pride and Prejudice I was holding.
“Yup. I brought her favorite book.”
Connor shuffled his feet before saying, “Okay, well, I’ll let you get to it. I’ve got to head into the office. Have a good one.”
Before I could respond, he walked out. Which was just as well. I’d about reached my limit of pleasantries I could share with the man who’d essentially blown up my life.
Taking a deep breath, I shook off my trepidation and left the waiting room to go see Kelly. When I reached her door, I paused and looked inside. She was standing by the window, her fingers lightly stroking the petal of one of the flowers in a vase, her eyes on the expanse of grass below.
“Hey,” I said softly, not wanting to startle her.
She flinched and waited a few seconds before turning toward me.
“Hi.”
“I just saw Connor on his way out,” I said as I walked into the room. “Did you have a nice visit?”
Kelly nodded but only looked at me.
“I, uh, brought you this,” I said, holding out the book as I moved toward her. “It’s a new cover … came out a few years ago.”
She accepted the book and said, “Thanks.”
“So, Jake came by with Ally?” I asked, my mind reeling as I searched for something to say that would make the awkwardness go away.
“Yeah.”
Okay, she’s not going to make this easy.
“How’d that go? Ally’s a nice girl, huh?”
“Is she?” Kelly asked dryly, pushing past me to go to her bed.
She put the book on the table and sat down, then got fully in and pulled the blankets up over her.
“Was she not? Did something happen?” I asked, confused. Ally had always been pleasant when I met her. Maybe a little conceited, but she always seemed nice enough.
“Nothing you need to concern yourself with,” was Kelly’s reply.
“Kelly,” I said, stepping toward the bed.
“Not now, Sean,” she said, her voice containing a bite, which was wholly unlike her. “I can’t do this now.”
I stood there for a moment, helpless, unsure what to do.
“You know what? I’m tired. Can you go please so I can get some rest?”
My heart hit the ground at her words.
“Okay, Kelly, take all the time you need. I’ll check in on you later,” I said, turning reluctantly to give her the space she needed.
I hated this. Hated feeling like I was unwelcome in my wife’s room, but I could understand where she was coming from. And even though it hurt now, I had hope that she’d forgive me eventually.
Really, there was no other option, because I couldn’t live without her. Not now that I got her back.
Twelve
Kelly
I clung to my anger and hurt and pushed it into my physical therapy sessions. I was determined to get out of the hospital and back to my life, before Madeline stole it out from under me.
Jake came by a couple more times, but not nearly as much as I’d have liked, and he never stayed long.
He was always on his way to work, or a gig, or to hang out with his girlfriend. Ugh, girlfriend. It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my sweet little boy was in a relationship with a young woman.
Especially that young woman. I didn’t see the appeal. Jake deserved a sweet girl, not a sullen one who could barely say a word.
I probably wasn’t being fair, but Ally had not been the kind of girl I’d imagined for my son.
Sean still came by every day, and we’d talk about superficial things, like my health and the bookstore, but we’d avoided the topic of his affair since the day I’d told him to get out.
I couldn’t deal with it. There was just too much … too many changes, too much gone from the life I knew.
I hoped that leaving the hospital and going home would start my family on the path to recovery. That’s what I was clinging to. That hope. That belief that my life as I knew it wasn’t over.
That my family was still salvageable.
“Kelly, sweetie, are you okay?”
I paused mid-squat and looked to the door to see my friend, Karen, standing there, a paper bag with a popular fast food logo on the front.
“Oh my God, is that for me?” I asked, rushing toward her.
Karen laughed and held it out to me.
“Yes, I figured you could use a break from hospital food.”
“You’re an angel,” I gushed as I opened the bag and the delicious smell of a hamburger wafted out.
And, seriously, she was an angel.
Karen had not only done my hair and brought me clothes and makeup, but she’d brought in a laptop and set it up so I could binge watch shows that I’d missed. She’d made a list of what I’d like, it was sitting on the table next to my bed, and so far, she’d been spot on.
I’d always known she was a great friend, but a person’s grace really shines when the shit hits the fan. And Karen had not only shown up for me but had gone above and beyond and been my one constant through this whole ordeal.
“So, other than being obviously starved, how are things?” Karen asked as we both settled on the edge of my bed.
“My legs are getting stronger, all of my tests have been good, and the doc says if I keep it up, I could be home as soon as this weekend.”
“Wow, that’s great,” Karen said, then bit her lower lip and asked, “And things with Sean … anything new there?”
I took a big bite of burger and shook my head.
I felt a twinge of guilt over trying to brush off her question, but I really, really didn’t want to think about Sean and his other woman.