I heard the way her voice caught and knew she wasn’t asking me to stop.
“You like that, don’t you,” I said roughly in her ear as I added another finger inside of her and began to pump them in and out in earnest.
“Mmmm-hmmm,” she said, as she began to fuck my hand. “Faster.”
Within seconds she was coming and not even bothering to be quiet.
I fixed her clothes and grasped her hands to lower them.
“You liked being watched, didn’t you, dirty girl?” I asked, kissing the angry red marks on her neck softly.
Ally’s smile could only be called extremely satisfied as she looked back toward the opening of the bleachers.
I followed her gaze, but whoever had been there was gone.
“I didn’t know I’d like it so much,” she admitted, before looking at me with the pout once more on her face. “Guess you’re just going to leave me now.”
I sighed and wondered how the things I’d once found so endearing about her, now were feeling like a noose around my neck.
Fourteen
Sean
I had stayed up late and gotten up early to make sure the house was ready for Kelly to come home.
Jake had even helped me, which was surprising, even though I’d asked.
I’d gone grocery shopping to make sure the fridge and pantry were stocked with all of her favorites and had put fresh flowers in all the rooms. Not much had changed in the house while she’d been in a coma, but I’d bought a few things over the years. A new painting, a coat rack for the entryway, a few new electronics.
I did my best to ensure she wasn’t walking into a strange place. I wanted it to still feel like our home as much as possible, but it had been so long that it was hard for me to completely remember what was new and what wasn’t.
Jake was at school, so I’d picked up Kelly on my own.
Most of the paperwork had been done before I’d arrived, so when I got there, Kelly was dressed and ready. She was just waiting for the doctor to come in and give her the final go-ahead to leave. Once he did, the nurse had her get in a wheelchair and told me to meet them at the entrance.
After that, we were on our way, and, I had to say, the tension in the car was palpable.
Clearing my throat, I tried to ease some of it by saying, “I bet you’re happy to be out of the hospital.”
“Yes, of course, but a little nervous, too,” she said, not taking her eyes off the passenger-side window.
“About going home?” I asked.
She nodded.
“Jake and I will be there to help you … anything you need,” I assured her.
“That’s part of what I’m afraid of,” Kelly said, but didn’t expound. Afraid of what she’d say if I prodded, I didn’t push further, and we spend the rest of the drive home in silence.
Kelly’s eyes were wide on the house as we pulled into the driveway and I couldn’t even imagine what she must be going through. The emotion, the inner turmoil … so I tried to put myself in her shoes and really empathize with her and how she must be feeling.
This isn’t about me, it isn’t even about us, it’s about Kelly.
After a few minutes of sitting quietly in the car, I asked, “Are you ready?”
She finally turned her head toward me and nodded.
I got out first, then hurried around the car to help her out.
“I’ll take you in and then come out to get your bags,” I said when I opened her door.
I’d opened the garage, so we went in through the side door that opened into the kitchen. As Kelly looked around, I tried to see the space through her eyes and hoped she enjoyed the fresh smell of the flowers and the fruit basket filled with bananas and apples, just like she’d always kept it.
I left her standing there, her hands resting on the marble island as her eyes took everything in, and went back out to get her things.
Once I had everything, I paused briefly outside the door in an effort to collect myself, before going back inside. Having her home again was more emotional than I expected it to be, but I didn’t want to burden her with the weight of my emotions, when it was so obvious she was having plenty of her own.
“I’ll go put these in our room. Do you need anything before I go up?” I asked when I saw she was still standing in the same spot.
“I need to talk to you about that,” she said.
“About what?”
“Our room,” Kelly began, eyeing me warily. “I need you to sleep somewhere else. The guest room, or the living room, wherever you’ll be more comfortable, but I’m not ready for you to share my bed.”
My stomach clenched and the back of my throat burned.
I don’t know why I hadn’t expected this, why somewhere in the back of my head I’d imagined when Kelly came home everything would go back to normal, despite everything that had happened.
It was naïve of me to think so, but maybe I was still an optimist at heart.
“I,” I paused when my voice cracked. “I understand. I’ll move my things into the guest room.”
Kelly was watching me, and I think she must have sensed how hard this was for me, because she gave me the slightest of smiles and said, “Thanks.”
It was the closest thing to a smile she’d given me since finding out about Madeline, so I committed it to memory and walked out of the room, leaving her alone to get comfortable, which I didn’t think she’d be able to do with me hovering over her.
I put her bags on our bed and started to gather what I’d need to take with me into the guest room. Toiletries for the guest bath, pajamas, and clothes for work the next day. I figured that was enough to get me started and hopefully my stay in the guest room would be temporary and Kelly would let me back in the room soon.
She has to, right? Because the alternative doesn’t bear thinking.
Fifteen
Kelly
I pulled the apple pie out of the oven and placed it on a rack to cool.
I’d been doing a lot of cooking since I’d been home. Making family dinners, baking, eating all the things I love to try and erase the memories of all the hospital food I’ve been eating.
I was starting to feel more like myself and the house had started to feel like my home again, even though Sean was still sleeping in the guest room.
I filled my days with cooking and cleaning. Karen came by a few times a week and I’d even had Connor and Blake over for brunch, although Sean had begged off saying he had to be at the bookstore.
And I spent as much time with Jake as I could, although with school, work, and Ally, he didn’t have too much extra time.
When my phone rang, I wiped my hands on the kitchen towel then picked it up to see who was calling. I sighed when I saw it was my mother.
“Hi, Mom, how’re you doing?” I asked when I pressed accept.
“Your father and I were talking, and we think maybe it’s time for you to come out for a visit.”
“I really don’t think now is a good time, Mom. Jake’s in school and Sean has the store … Plus, I’m still getting the hang of things around here.”
“Well, Jacob is welcome, of course, but we were talking about you. Only you. I think it’s time you told Sean you’re leaving him and then you can come here and stay with us while the dust settles.”