Still, knowing everything else I was about to tell Kelly, how our lives were about to change once again, I bit my tongue about Connor.
Instead of forbidding her from seeing him again, like I wanted to, I simply said, “I see.”
I crossed the room to look at the new flowers that had been delivered. Buying time by checking the cards to see who they were from, while I tried to find the strength to come clean with my wife.
I cleared my throat, closed my eyes for a moment, and took a deep breath.
“Kelly, there are a few things I need to tell you … things that happened while you were … asleep,” I began, moving to sit on the edge of her bed.
Kelly sat up and looked at me. “Okay.”
“I didn’t want to overwhelm you with all of the information at once, instead trying to give you bits and pieces at a time, let you get used to them, then give you more, but, it’s time you know everything.”
“Jeez, Sean, you’re scaring me.”
“Let’s start with the good news,” I said, plowing through. I knew if I stopped talking, I’d lose my nerve. “I built Escape in a Book.”
Her mouth dropped open. “What?”
I nodded and grinned. “I did. It’s perfect. Just how you described it. I wanted it to be ready for you when you woke up, and it is.”
“The bookstore?”
“And coffeeshop,” I clarified. “It’s downtown. Perfect location, right by the water. We’re actually doing quite well.”
“I can’t believe it,” she said with a little laugh. “Do you have pictures?”
“Yeah, I do, I should have thought of that.”
I pulled out my phone and opened up the photo app, scrolling until I found one of the outside, then a few of inside the store.
Kelly looked through them, eyes wide and filling with tears.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispered. “I can’t wait to stand inside and breathe it in.”
I chuckled, imagining her doing just that.
“That’s so amazing, Sean, I can’t believe you did that for me.” She reached out and put her hand on my arm. “You never gave up hope, did you?”
Fuck.
I flinched at the pride and love in her voice.
Maybe I shouldn’t have led with the good news; it was only going to make delivering the bad so much worse.
“The first few years,” I began, my hand grasping hers as I looked in her beautiful face, my heart full of fear. “I was full of hope. No matter what the doctors said, or the nurses, I was sure you were going to wake up. Each time I talked to you, or held your hand, I just knew you were going to open your eyes and respond. But, you didn’t.”
Kelly squeezed my hand in response.
I took a deep breath and continued, “Then I began to feel really, really lonely. Jake was pulling away from me, caught up in his own life, his friends … and once the bookstore was done I wasn’t bogged down with plans, contracts, and problems. And … I met Madeline.”
Kelly tried to pull her hand away, but I held on.
“No,” she breathed, her eyes full of pain.
“I’m so sorry, Kel.”
Kelly yanked her hand back, and this time I let her go.
Her eyes filled and her tone was flat when she shouted, “Get out.”
Nine
Kelly
I laid back on the bed, shell-shocked.
He met someone else.
I couldn’t stop the feelings of helplessness that almost crippled me with their strength.
The last few weeks it seemed like there’d been one blow after another. I couldn’t even catch my breath before the next punch was thrown, hitting me squarely in the gut. It hurt to breath and my throat felt raw from the burn of tears.
My marriage hadn’t been without issues, but to me, it was perfect.
Now everything had changed. Everything except me, that is, and with each new bit of information I realized things weren’t going to get easier, or return to normal, once I left the hospital and went home.
As the tears streamed down my face, I wondered about Madeline.
I didn’t want to. I didn’t want visions of some faceless woman with my husband. Eating dinner with him, holding his hand … kissing him. Probably even worse. I’d been essentially gone for five years, so it was probably naïve of me to expect Sean to have been celibate the entire time.
Except … was it? He was my husband, after all.
It felt like my heart was breaking and I started sobbing so hard it was a struggle to catch my breath.
Madeline.
I started picturing her a million different ways.
Was she a floozy, out for a good time, tempting my husband with big boobs and puffy lips?
Was she a mom from Jake’s school? A divorcee who spent all her time working out, trying to get back her youth?
Or was she some young twenty-something looking for a sugar daddy?
My mind went haywire with theories, none of them very nice, but I couldn’t find it in myself to feel sorry for her, or for him. Maybe it didn’t say much about me, and maybe eventually I’d find it in me to forgive …To understand the predicament that Sean had been in.
But, today is not that day
“Kel?”
I looked over at the entrance to my room and saw Karen standing there looking crestfallen.
“He told you?” she asked.
“You knew?” I cried, betrayal settling in my belly.
Karen crossed to the bed and sat on the edge.
“I did … and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away, but I thought it should come from Sean, not me. Although I did give him an ultimatum and let him know I would tell you about her if he didn’t.”
“Have you seen her?” I asked, my voice pitiful even to my own ears.
Karen nodded and said, “Once. It was at a restaurant a little over a year ago.”
“A year?” I breathed, wondering exactly how serious things were between them. “Is she pretty?”
“Don’t do this to yourself, Kel. I’m sure it was a mistake, which Sean will quickly rectify.”
“Can we talk about something else?” I asked, not wanting to think about it any longer.
Karen grasped my hand and said, “You bet.”
We sat quietly for a few moments before I said, “How about I go splash some water on my face and then we head to the cafeteria for some coffee?”
“Sounds perfect,” she replied gently.
I’d upgraded to a walker, so after I got cleaned up, Karen and I walked down to the cafeteria.
Well, Karen walked … I shuffled.
When we reached the dining area, Karen told me to sit while she grabbed the coffee, and when she returned with not only coffee, but pie, I knew I couldn’t stay mad at her.
It wasn’t fair, since she wasn’t the person I was actually mad at anyway.
“Mmmm, that looks yummy,” I said, giving her a small smile when she placed the plate in front of me.
“Key lime, your favorite,” she said as she sat across from me.
“And apple for you,” I replied, nodding toward her plate.
“I usually don’t splurge like this but … what the heck, right?”