As we walked to the exit, she said, “I wish you didn’t have to go.”
I’d told her about the visit to the hospital that morning.
“Yeah, I know, but we’re still on for tomorrow, right?”
“You know it,” she said with a grin.
We were planning on spending the day at my favorite park in town. For some reason, I was always inspired when I went there, and having Ally with me, my muse, would only ensure a great day of writing.
I needed it. Some time to get lost in writing, to forget about the crazy mess that was my current family life.
I kissed her again, caressing her tight little ass as I did, then promised to call her later.
I got in my Jeep and reluctantly turned it toward the hospital.
It wasn’t that I didn’t love my mom, I did. One hundred percent. She’d always been the parent I was closest to. But I wasn’t a twelve-year-old boy anymore. I didn’t play baseball and I’d rather spend time with my girlfriend than with my parents.
Her reaction to seeing me, the way she’d screamed in terror, hadn’t made me real fired up to go back.
I hated it.
I hated the feeling of unease and even unacceptance I’d felt when she woke up.
I rationally knew that she’d been through a lot, had a ton of changes to deal with, and that she probably felt lost.
But, dammit, she was my mother.
She was supposed to love me and accept me no matter what. I shouldn’t feel uneasy being in the same room as her, but I did. I wanted that to change, but I had no idea how to make that change happen.
I took the elevator to her floor, then walked slowly down the hallway to her room. Like it was The Green Mile and I was headed to my execution.
When I turned the corner I stopped, surprised by how good she looked. Her coloring was no longer grayish, it looked like she’d had her hair cut, and she was wearing makeup.
She looked almost exactly like she used to.
Her head came up and she smiled when she saw me standing in the doorway.
It was the first time she’d smiled at me since she woke up.
My heart constricted.
“Jake, hi, I’m so happy you’re here,” she said, lifting her hand to beckon me forward.
“Your hair,” I mumbled, still in shock.
Her hand touched the end of her bob and her lips tipped up self-consciously.
“Karen did it,” she said softly. “She also brought me some makeup and clothes.”
“You look great,” I said, my voice rough with emotion, even though I tried to contain it.
“Thank you.” My mom smiled and her eyes filled with tears. “Jake, I’m so sorry about what happened before … when I woke up. I was confused and had no idea that I’d missed five years. I thought you were a relative of your fathers’ who I’d never met.” She laughed dryly. “I guess in a way, you were … but, honey, you have to know, I never meant to hurt you.”
I nodded and sat in the chair next to her bed.
I didn’t know what to say. I felt uncomfortable, but relieved to hear those words.
After a few moments I think it became apparent to my mom that I wasn’t going to respond. She shifted in her bed, then said, “I met Connor.”
I nodded again. I knew Connor and Blake came by often to visit Mom and to read to her.
“How was that?” I asked, figuring I needed to say something. “Does Dad know?”
“It was good, actually. We went down to the cafeteria and had coffee, which was nice. He explained what happened on his end of things and said he and his daughter liked to visit me. He also said that they sometimes go to your open mic nights…”
She waited expectantly.
This time I shifted uncomfortably.
“Yeah, they do sometimes.”
She looked disappointed that I didn’t elaborate, then answered, “And no, I didn’t tell your dad. The last time he was here Karen stopped in to do my hair and it totally slipped my mind. Why, does he not like Connor?”
I wasn’t sure how much I should say but figured I should be honest.
“No. At first he tried to have him banned from visiting, said it was his fault you were in here, but one day Connor came by when Grandma was visiting, and she, Karen, and I were here. They talked while I hung out with Blake, and then Grandma and Karen talked to the doctor … Anyway, together they all kind of vetoed Dad’s decision. He was pissed, but said as long as he never saw them, he’d let it go.”
“Oh,” she said softly. “Well, I’ll talk to your dad. Connor explained what happened, and I forgave him. He’s going to come back with Blake next week so I can meet her.”
“Cool.” I looked around the room, at the flowers and cards that always seemed to be there, and asked, “Do they know when you’re going to get to come home?”
“A few more weeks, I think. My physical therapy has been going well, but it’ll still take some time … I can’t wait though. To get out of here and go home.”
I nodded again, then thought of all the changes that I was sure my father hadn’t told her about, that she would have to face. Not just changes to the house, but the bookstore he’d built in her honor, while at the same time fucking another woman.
Yeah, I was sure he hadn’t told her about that, not when she looked so happy, and suddenly I hated him. Even more than I already did.
Eight
Sean
I was a fucking wreck.
I hadn’t been able to sleep all week, not with Karen’s deadline to tell Kelly looming over me.
I knew I had to tell her, that it was the right thing to do, but I wanted more time. More time for her to heal, to come to terms with all of the other changes in our lives, but Karen was forcing my hand.
She’d sent me a text just that morning reminding me that today was the day.
I’d hated her in that moment.
I walked into Kelly’s room, surprised to see her hair and makeup done. She looked more like her regular self, less frail and pale, and I felt relief flood me at the sight of her.
She’ll forgive me … she has to.
“Morning,” Kelly said with a smile as I approached.
“Good morning, you look great,” I replied, returning her smile, even though it felt a little forced.
I was racked with nerves.
“Jake came by. It was … nice. I can’t believe how much he’s changed … He’s a man now.”
“Well, not quite, although he likes to think so,” I replied wryly, then flinched when I noticed the disappointment on her face. She would hate to know how far apart Jake and I had grown in her absence.
“I also met Connor,” Kelly said softly, and my gaze swung to meet hers.
There was a challenge in her eyes, as if she were waiting for me to get pissed off, or disparage Connor, which is exactly what I wanted to do.
It was his fault we were here, in this moment in time. If it hadn’t been for his reckless actions, I wouldn’t have lost my wife for five years. Or fought with my son. Or started a relationship with another woman.
Even as I logically realized my thoughts weren’t rational, I couldn’t help them. I needed to blame someone for what happened to Kelly, and Connor was the one who’d been drinking and driving that day.