A tear welled in the corner of his eye and I kissed it away. “Look for the all-girls school in Massachusetts. Be there sometime ’round the first of the year.” I touched my heart necklace to his lips and gave him my sweetest smile. “Go now. Promise, we will be together soon.”
“You have my heart, Pheby.” He pulled at his necklace and clutched the wooden piece in his hand.
“And you have mine.”
He kissed me hard on the lips for the last time and then walked out the door. I did not follow to watch him ride off. I busied myself with gathering the towels and basin of water, trying to put my concentration anywhere but on my brokenness.
Aunt Hope whispered, “Soon as you can, burn everythin’ with his smell.”
I covered my mouth with my hand, forcing my cry to stay quiet.
She patted my back. “Go on now, Essex needin’ you to be strong ’round the Missus. ’Member, you is the distraction.”
Straightening my back and pursing my lips, I told Aunt Hope that I would take care of it all. As I crossed the grass, I strained for the sound of Essex’s horse, but he was gone. Lovie shouted again from the window.
“Make haste, girl!”
I made my way into the big house holding the basin of water, towels bulging from my arms. When I entered Missus’s chambers, I did my best to keep my emotions from reddening my skin.
“What took you so long? Where do you keep running off to?”
“The towels, ma’am.” I held them out in front of me.
“Does not take that long to get towels.”
I hesitated. “My mama was hurt in the carriage accident too. Her leg is infected. I think she needs to see the doctor.”
Missus tsked her teeth. “Lovie, go tell Hope to give Ruth some soup and blankets.”
“Ma’am, her flesh is open and the wound is festering. Please.” My voice cracked. “She needs the doctor.”
“Your mama work roots, she will figure it out.”
“Never seen an infection this bad before. She might not… This is different than the work she does. It smells like her skin is already decaying.”
She clapped her hands to silence me. “That’s enough out of you. Now, do not leave this house again until I give you permission. I will not die in this bed.” She gripped the covers as another contraction rolled through her. “Deliver me from this baby. After that, we will see about Ruth.”
I got down between her legs, hoping that Mama would hold on.
CHAPTER 7
Delivery
It took two risings of the moon before the baby crowned and another full hour before I caught it. Missus gave birth to a tan baby boy with ears that promised more pigment. I cut the cord and handed the baby to Lovie for cleaning. Missus moaned in an exhausted delirium. The infant had started a light cry, and Lovie rocked it while I helped Missus deliver the afterbirth.
“Shall I fetch a wet nurse from the fields?” Lovie held the baby toward Missus Delphina.
“No one else,” Missus murmured as the child’s cries grew louder. She looked at the baby and, after taking in his skin, turned on her side like she did not hear, refusing him. The boy cried and cried as I mopped up the mess from the birth. Finally, Missus reached for the baby and gave it her breast.
I packed Missus with towels to catch the bleeding. When the boy had his fill, she handed him over to me like it pained her to touch him. The child had almond eyes like Essex’s with rounded cheeks and a fuzzy patch of hair. Just looking at him made me mushy, and I knew I would do whatever it took to take care of Essex’s son. I swaddled the baby in a blanket and hummed in his ear while Lovie spooned more soup into Missus’s mouth. After she ate, she fell into an exhausted sleep. Lovie steered me out of the bedroom. Once I closed Missus’s bedroom door, she muttered, “Go see ’bout Ruth.”
She carried the baby to the nursery and shut the door behind her. Outside the air did not move. I could not remember the last time I’d had more than an hour of sleep. Essex had a two-day start, and thus far he had not been missed. Still, I worried over his safety. When I climbed the ladder to the loom house, I heard Aunt Hope singing softly:
There is a balm in Gilead
To make the wounded whole
There is a balm in Gilead
To cure a sin-sick soul
The odor of Mama greeted me before I even laid eyes on her. Aunt Hope had a rag and cool water beside her bed, and I knelt, then swabbed the sweat from Mama’s forehead.
“How is she doing?” I asked, though Mama’s dull skin, hollowed-out cheeks, and swollen thigh conveyed it all.
“Ain’t good. Lord have mercy.” She grabbed my hand.
We both watched over Mama in silence. Then Aunt Hope asked about Missus.
“Had a boy.”
“And?”
I nodded my head in a way that conveyed our suspicions.
Aunt Hope wiped her hands on her apron. “Trouble ahead. I’s best get on up to the big house.”
“See if you can convince Missus to send for the doctor. Tell her how bad Mama is suffering,” I said hoarsely.
She nodded her head and let herself down the ladder.
I slipped in and out of sleep as I sat next to Mama. She moaned and seemed to have small fits in her slumber. The sun had dipped behind the house by the time she opened her cloudy eyes.
“Mama.” I caressed her face as our eyes locked on each other’s. The intensity of her gaze took me by surprise. I felt the depth of her love, though no words passed between us. For a moment, my mind went empty of everything but her. Then she motioned with a bent finger to the brown jar. I held it to her lips and she swallowed. She lifted her mouth and breathed into my ear.
“ ’Member who you are Pheby… Delores Brown.”
“Mama, save your strength.”
“You ain’t nobody’s prop—” She drooled saliva and then her face went limp.
“Mama!” I shrieked.
But she was gone.
First came shock. Then the wail rumbled deep down in my gut until the grief gurgled up in my throat. Agony poured from my lips as if I were being decimated like a hog. Felt that way, too. Into her warm chest, I sobbed. How was I meant to go on without my mama? I slipped to my knees, held my head in my hands, and wept.
I knew I should get back up to the big house, but I could not make myself move toward the ladder. I did not know how much time had passed when Aunt Hope came for me. When she took in the scene she swooped me up in her arms and held me tight.
“I’s sorry ’bout this,” she said, as she patted my back. “Ruth ain’t deserve to go like this.”
I could hear flies already flitting around, and Aunt Hope moved to cover Mama’s body with a white sheet.
“Know it’s hard, but you got to keep goin’. I didn’t know my mama at all. Thank God you had her long as you did.” In that moment, I did not feel like the lucky one.
She wiped the dampness from her eyes with the back of her hand. “We need our heads right now. Snitch sniffin’ ’round the kitchen asking me questions about Essex. Think he might make his way to the house for a word with Missus.”
It took a few moments for me to comprehend.
“Needin’ your smarts, gal, to get him off the trail.”