“A couple of my college buddies are coming down for the weekend – Missy and Brandt. I thought maaaybe we could go on a double date. You know, just for fun or whatever. A little human interaction. Can you handle that?” She smirks at me sweetly.
Did Jessie Timms just ask me out on a date? Of course, I would rather be alone for our first official date, but I am more than willing at this point –
“Oh c’mon, Pay. We can get all pretty and make fun of people. That’s like, our superpower.” She is so cute in this mode... Not really begging, but kind of begging and...
I really need to kiss her again.
“Fine. Yeah. Whatever. I’ll go,” I nod my consent, taking another step toward her.
“Awesome! Missy’s gonna flip. She’s been on me to get her a date with you for like... Years.” Jessie turns away from me, and her words hit like a Mack truck.
Missy is my date? Missy? Not Jessie? And that means Jessie’s date is...
“So who’s this Brandt guy?” Nonchalant. I can do that. I’m great at that.
Jessie waves a hand in the air. “Oh God, he’s just a buddy. Like I said, this is just for fun. It’s not like, official matchmaking or anything.” She turns back to me and smiles widely.
Just a buddy. I’m just a buddy too, Jess, and you kissed me like your life depended on it not too long ago...
Maybe that is just what Jessie does now. She is single, and she’s always been way more outgoing and up for a good time than I am. When we were at college together she was constantly trying to get me to go to this party or that game or something.
College girl. She’s older now, but she’s still a college girl. College girls are nuts, and Jessie’s always been crazy to begin with.
I’d had plenty of interactions with the female collegiate specimens before leaving campus for good. I was, admittedly, shy as hell. That had kept me a virgin throughout the entirety of high school.
But college girls didn’t need me to pursue them. They were more than happy to attack without the slightest notice.
I definitely hadn’t left campus still a virgin. I’ve got plenty of experience under my belt – no pun intended.
I still haven’t dated much at all in these last four years. Meeting girls on the ranch is rare as hell, and in my free time, I don’t really like to go anywhere else besides the trails through the forests and mountains.
Plus, I always know Jessie is coming back anyway... in a month, two, maybe a few more. She’d be back, and a girlfriend would just be an annoying obligation that kept me from hanging out with my best friend.
I haven’t wanted anything to keep me from spending time with Jessie. Ever.
And Brandt – (what kind of stupid effing name is that, anyway?) – isn't going to keep me away from her either.
Sure. A double date. Why not. If this is how Jessie wants it to be, then I am one hundred percent fine with it too.
“Is Missy hot?” I crack.
A flash of something that is definitely not “good humor” crosses Jessie’s face, but she recovers like a champ. “Missy is totally hot. She’s a brunette. She’s funny…ish. She’s as close to a degree as I am, so at least you know she’s not an idiot.” She shrugs.
“Hey. Idiot or not, hot brunettes are my favorite.” I am surprisingly good at lying to my best friend – much better than I thought I’d be. “What night? What time? What we doin’?”
Jessie’s face goes blank. She gives two exaggerated eye blinks and raises both of her eyebrows. “Payden? Payden Hardick? Where’s Payden? Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” Then she cracks up.
I laugh along with her. Why not? This is all just so fucking hilarious. Great times ahead. Great.
“A man’s got needs, Jess.” I say the words lightly, but both of us instantly freeze while they hang in the air.
Jessie stares at me hard, no longer laughing. “I suppose that’s true, Pay.” She turns her back again and busies herself with a stack of papers.
Hello folks! It looks like Jessie Timms’ sense of humor just left the building!
“This was your idea, Jess. I’m tryin’ to be a good sport,” I say gently. All she has to do is turn around and tell me no – she doesn’t want me going on a date with her friend or anybody else – she wants me all to herself.
But she doesn’t say any of those things.
“Well you keep that attitude up, cuz I don’t wanna hear about it from Missy if you decide to crawl back into your turtle shell that night.” Jessie has managed to make her voice light, but she still won’t look at me.
“So... You still haven’t told me what night,” I try to steer the conversation somewhere else.
There isn’t much in life that I despise more than getting reminded of how quiet and shy I am. It’s not like I try to be a certain way. I was born like this. Generally, there are very few people I open up to – mostly just family.
And Jessie.
She finally meets my gaze. I can see that she is struggling to be pleasant. “Friday night. Let’s say seven. Meet at my house? We can go to dinner or something and then... whatever.”
“Wow, Jess. That’s quite the exciting plan you’ve got there. How could I possibly miss out on ‘or something and then whatever’?” I laugh, and she can’t help joining me.
The tension is gone. For now.
“It’ll be fun. We’ll figure it out. Just some buddies. No big.” Jessie has fully recovered in an instant.
“Yeah. Yep. Alrighty then. If I don’t see ya before, I’ll be at your house tomorrow night at seven sharp.” I nod and walked toward the door with my coffee cup. “Hope you’re not lying about the hot part!” I shoot at her as I exit, attempting to keep the good-humored banter alive.
Jessie doesn’t respond, and I keep on walking.
If she just wants to be friends, then that’s exactly what I’ll give her.
“Mommy’s sick, honey. But I’m going to get better. I promise.”
I was eleven when my mother received her breast cancer diagnosis. I’d known something was wrong. She was going to the hospital way too often, and she always seemed to feel like throwing up no matter what we were doing.
When her long dark hair started to fall out, I guess she figured she had to talk to us and lay the truth out on the table.
I don’t think she realized that we were paying apt attention as she nonchalantly took each of us for a long walk – one of us per evening, for four evenings straight.
Pierce (fourteen at the time) had been extremely silent and pale when he came back. He’d gone straight to his room, and I hadn’t dared to bother him.
Preston (thirteen) had returned the second night with puffy, swollen eyes. He pulled a repeat of Pierce – disappearing into his room immediately. But I’d been able to hear Preston wailing through the walls.
I’d absolutely dreaded my upcoming walk with my mother, which was ironic, considering following her around on the ranch had always been my favorite activity.
“How do you know you’re going to get better?” I tried not to cry, but there was only so much an eleven-year-old could handle. Tears were streaming down my cheeks.