I’m not listening to a word Taya is saying. She could be telling me we’re all about to die, but all I can see is Juniper walking away from me again. I hate this. I want her gone, but equally, I want her in my life. It’s like I’m two people, and they are warring against each other for superiority. I can’t continue this way. It’s going to send me insane. I’m already afraid of who I really am. Am I a murderer or a life giver? Why don’t they tell me? I still feel each of her kisses on my lips, burning their mark. Why Juniper? Why is she the key?
“Go home, Taya,” I order and she stops in the middle of whatever story she’s telling and looks at me indignantly.
“What? I thought we were going to have some fun?” She places her hands on her curvy hips and gives me the raised eyebrow treatment.
“I’m not in the mood,” I sigh, dropping my head into my hands.
“Did that bitch do something to you?” Taya snakes herself around my body, and I freeze. “Come on, let me help you unwind.” She presses her lips to mine, and I go cold. I feel nothing, not like the burning when I touch Juniper.
Standing bolt upright, I unhook Taya from me and lightly push her away. “I said go home.”
She huffs out a deep breath and turns on her heels, clip clopping across the room to the door. “You used to be so much fun to be with, Jacobi, but since that bitch has returned, you’ve been obsessed with her. If I were you, I’d get your priorities straight. We’re the king and queen of this school. We rule it, and if you don’t get your head out of your arse and stop whatever obsession you have with little Miss Perfect, then you’re going to lose that position. I won’t, though. I’ll be queen until the end of school, just with a different king.”
Without looking back, Taya leaves the house with a dismissive wave over her shoulder. I should go after her and grovel, but I don’t. I sit back down in my lounge and stare at the spell book Juniper and I were transposing. I flick my wrist, and the book levitates into the air. These spells are so easy. Why did I even ask her to come here?
I let the book fall to the floor with a thud.
The house is silent, too big for just me, but my mother prefers the countryside these days. Anything to be away from her son. She’s never been maternal. Even when I was young, it was the nanny who looked after me more often than not. I didn’t just have one, though. My mother wasn’t stupid; no, as soon as I became close to one, she’d fire them, and I’d have to start the whole process again with a new nanny. I had to dote on my mother and no one else, even if she barely came near me. And don’t even get me started on my father. He was never at home. His job as a lead advisor on King Ambrose’s council kept him away all the time and still does. I think Christmas is the only time we’re ever together as a family, and then all of us, including me, spend it drunk so we don’t have to interact. We’re a dysfunctional family in the extreme, but I have this cottage. It’s all I need, even if the silence is deafening sometimes.
“Argh,” I scream into the air just to make some noise, even the ghosts have fallen silent recently. “Argh.” I do it again.
“What the hell is happening to me?” I ask on my third shout, flicking my wrists quickly in all different directions.
Books jump from where they’re stored in bookcases on the wall and float high before dropping to the floor in a hail of thuds which sound like hailstones. I welcome the noise with a mischievous chuckle. No one else lives here, so I’ll have to tidy it up later, but I’m not thinking that far ahead. I’m enjoying myself and letting go.
When all the books are off the shelves, I walk carefully between them, looking down at all the titles. So many different spells and theories on the magical world are written in these volumes. They’ve been collected by my family for generations. I can’t help but wonder if any of my ancestors have ever treated these books so roughly as I have today.
I find a gap in the middle of them, and sitting down, my legs crossed over each other, I pick the books up in front of me, one by one. I read each title out loud, then place it back on the shelf in a completely different order to the arrangement before. It’s now in an order I understand, alphabetically by title, rather than by author, which my father decided he liked a few years ago and rearranged all the books accordingly. If they were fiction books, it would be better to file them by author, but these are non-fiction and by title makes more sense to me. Jesus, I am losing it. I’m sitting in the middle of my lounge, reordering spell books when I could be having fun with Taya. I’m a loser, not a king, but at this precise moment, I don’t care. I flick my wrist quicker, and the books flash in front of my eyes, but I halt all movement when I notice a book I’ve never noticed before.
‘Guardian Angels or Death Reapers’
I bring the book closer to me and drop it into my lap. Using my magic, I start to flick through the pages, skim reading what’s written. It perfectly describes what happens to me. I slam the book shut, not wanting to read any more. I don’t want to know if I collect souls or heal them.
The woman’s face slams into my mind. I leave the book in my lap but reach up to tug on the ends of my hair. I pull harder and harder, my scalp burning and tendrils coming out in my hands.
“Get out of my head,” I scream. “Go away.”
Her eyes flash with fear in the knowledge she’s dying, and I’m there to take her away to heaven.
“No,” I cry out louder. “Get out.”
I can’t do this anymore. A part of me has been dying since the first time I kissed Juniper. I hate her, but I want her. She started this, and whether she wants to or not, she’s going to help me put an end to it.
Grabbing the book about angels or reapers, I stride purposefully through the cottage. I grab my car keys from by the front door and storm out to the car. With tyres spinning and gravel kicking up behind me, I speed off to the academy to find the woman who started all this.
My driving is crazy…I’m crazy…it explains everything. The book rests on the seat next to me, and every now and then, I look down at it while dodging through traffic. After what seems like an eternity, Caspian Academy looms large in front of me, and when I see Juniper’s friend Emmie, I slam my car to a halt. I retrieve the book from the front seat and hold it close to my chest as I make my way across the car park to her, and grabbing her by the shoulder, I swing her around to face me.
“Where is Juniper?” I snarl.
“Go to hell, Jacobi. Even if I knew where she was, I wouldn’t tell you. You’re nothing but a bully. Leave her alone and go play with your harem of cling-ons.”
“Where is she?” I repeat again through gritted teeth. I ignore everything she’s just insulted me with.
“Idiot.” She pushes me hard and the book falls to the floor. I pick it up quickly and cradle it like a newborn baby to my torso. My face must be full of fury because Emmie’s eyes open wide and she steps back. “Leave me alone, Jacobi,” she shouts and runs into the building before I have a chance to confront her further.
“Damn it,” I curse, trying to calm my mind which is currently falling apart.
I need to figure out where Juniper is. The gossip mill told me she lives close to the campus gates, and I can only think of one place her father would put her. A place all the council members put their children when they attend Caspian. See, I am capable of rational thought.