Navy paused and turned. “But it’s true.”
“No. It’s not. Granted, Dad has some issues, part of which has to do with he doesn’t know how to relate to you, but no one is ashamed of you being gay, except you.”
Navy’s jaw slacked open. He tried to form words, but he couldn’t think of a single thing to say. He cleared his throat. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“That’s the first man you’ve ever brought around, and you didn’t even really do that. He sat outside.”
“He was being respectful of our family.”
Randell let out a short breath and shook his head. “You’ve spent your entire adult life with a stick up your ass about being gay. You blame us for not being supportive when you’ve never given us a chance.”
“Do you remember how you reacted when you found out I was gay?” Navy took his brother by the arm and tugged him to a more private place. “You told me that liking boys was going to make my life more difficult and you asked me if I was sure.”
“You were sixteen and I was twenty. I was an idiot and I thought maybe you were experimenting. But after that, you basically withdrew yourself from this family. You let Dad talk about you like you’re straight. You never bring around any of your love interests, and I know there was a special man in your life when you almost fucking died.” Randell poked him in the shoulder. “Do you have any idea how scared we all were? And yet you didn’t want us around. You kept us all at an arm’s length like we were just getting in your way or something.”
“It’s not that I didn’t want you there, but you and Debbie were struggling to get pregnant and you had lives and well, Shamus—”
“I didn’t even know his name.”
“Why are we having this conversation?” Navy asked.
“Because you’re still in the goddamned closet and maybe we’d all be accepting if you actually embraced your own sexuality instead of acting like it’s some big fucking deal.”
“It is to Dad.”
“Because you make it that way,” Randell said.
“Maybe. But you have to see how you don’t make this easy for me.”
“Good grief. You really don’t get it.” Randell took a sip of his coffee. “Let’s go see Dad.”
Navy did get it, but he wasn’t ashamed. He just didn’t want his father to be ashamed and his father wasn’t ready to see his youngest son in a relationship with a man.
7
Bobby hit send on the text to Navy and went about setting up a plate of food. The poor man had to be starving. But at least his father’s prognosis was really good, and he would probably only have to stay in the hospital for a few days and have a full recovery without any surgery. That had to be a load off Navy’s shoulders. Bobby glanced at his watch. Navy had texted he was only ten minutes away. Bobby might as well just go sit out front and wait with a good bottle of Pinot Noir.
That’s all Navy really wanted right now. Maybe it’s all he needed.
All Bobby knew was he would be there for Navy in any way he could.
He sat down in his favorite chair, crossing his legs. He brought the stemless glass to his nose and inhaled. It was a light Pinot. Not too rich, but still had a lot of flavor. He took a sip and closed his eyes, concentrating on the sound of the ocean crashing into the shore. The wind caught the chimes over his head. The temperature had dropped a good five degrees, but it was still very comfortable.
“Bobby?” Navy’s voice echoed through the house.
“Out by the water.” Bobby was thrilled that Navy felt comfortable enough to walk into his home, like he’d instructed him to do. It meant a lot. “I’ve got wine and food.”
“You’re a lifesaver. Twice today.” Navy stepped out into the moonlight. He stood and stared for a long moment before facing Bobby. “I can’t tell you how much your gesture meant to me today.”
“I honestly wasn’t sure how you’d take it. I know how private you are, but my mom was in the hospital a year ago and I remember how much a decent cup of coffee helped.”
“Well, you managed to provide me and my siblings with good food and a hot beverage. They were truly grateful. And as for the privacy factor, thank you for respecting my wishes when it comes to my family.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I hope you don’t feel like I treated you badly or was embarrassed by your presence.” Navy sat down on the corner of the lounge chair. “Things are complicated with my family.”
“I took a risk, which maybe I shouldn’t have knowing how things are with your siblings, which is why I didn’t enter the building. So, I’m glad it turned out okay that I did. I just wanted to help.”
“And you did.” Navy inched closer, resting his hand on Bobby’s shoulder. “Thank you for being there for me today. I don’t think I could have managed without you.”
Bobby leaned forward, setting his glass on the table. “I really didn’t do much.”
“That’s not the point.” Navy reached out and ran his fingers through Bobby’s hair. “I’ve never met anyone quite like you. I’m not sure I’m ever going to be able to give you what you want in a man or a relationship. I tend to live in the here and now. But I really like you.”
“Are you trying to say you don’t want a committed relationship?”
“Yes and no,” Navy admitted. “When I’m with someone, I’m not with anyone else and I expect the same respect. However, other than Shamus, I’ve never lasted longer than six months with anyone. I don’t think I’m cut out for it.” He straddled the chair.
Bobby did the same, leaning closer. “You do know what I’m going to say, right?”
“I can only imagine.”
“Where are you going with this conversation?” Bobby didn’t need to ask. He understood Navy’s apprehension. And he respected it. He just wanted the opportunity to change his mind, but he had to play his cards just right. He couldn’t push Navy into going deep. He had to go slow and show him that being openly gay wasn’t as bad he thought it would be, even with his family.
He hoped.
From what he’d seen, Navy’s brothers weren’t as closed off as Navy portrayed them to be, but Bobby couldn’t really make that judgment call after only spending ten minutes with them, even if his gut and all his schooling told him otherwise.
“I don’t want to be alone tonight,” Navy said. “I’m not expecting anything to happen, but I want you, I think you know that.”
“I do and the feeling is mutual.”
“I just don’t know if I can give you want you want, and I know I can’t do it long term and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m a big boy.” Bobby took Navy’s hands. “You’ve made yourself clear and now it’s my turn.”
“Okay.” Navy arched a brow.
“Life is filled with uncertainty. There are no guarantees, especially in dating and love. I ask only one thing of you and that’s honesty. And I don’t just mean that with little things. I want it on an emotional level. If you’re feeling as if I’m crowding you, I want to know. Or if I’m not giving you enough, which believe it or not, the last man I was in a relationship complained about.”