Because Bobby didn’t want to play the field. He didn’t want to have one sexual experience after the other.
He wanted to find the one.
And Navy screamed exactly that, even if he didn’t know it.
“And I don’t let too many people into my early writing,” Bobby said. “I have a critique partner that I work with, along with two excellent beta readers, and of course, my editor and agent, but outside of that, I keep my process close to the cuff.” Bobby polished off his beverage and turned his gaze to Navy. “Tell me about your family.” So much for not prying.
“Not much to tell,” Navy said. “But what would you like to know?”
“I get the impression there is some animosity or something.”
Navy drained the last drop of his drink as he swung his legs over the side of the chair and sat upright. He took both of Bobby’s hands and held them a little too tight.
A little too intimately.
He liked Navy in ways that forced him out of his comfort zone. The men he dated were safe. They weren’t long-term material. They weren’t the kind of men he’d consider marrying or adopting a child with. The gentlemen he dated in the past were the kind of guys that he called fillers or inbetweeners until he found the one.
He didn’t think he’d come in contact with any man that fit that bill for a few years.
But sitting with Navy, that theory flew right out the window.
However, Bobby wasn’t sure Navy felt the same way.
“It’s not so much that as it is they don’t really accept me for how I really am.”
“You mean your sexuality?”
Navy leaned closer, taking Bobby’s hips in a forceful grip, twisting him to a sitting position. “With each passing decade, gays, queers, lesbians, transexuals, and any other marginalized group that isn’t heterosexual has opportunities that the previous generation didn’t. But even so, we still have to fight and claw our way for respect. We’re still having to beg for the same rights as everyone else. It’s a battle I’m not willing to take on.”
“That’s not what I asked.” Bobby wanted to pull away. He hated this argument. No one could ever win because both sides were correct. Long strides had been made in the rights for equality for all minorities.
But gays were still treated like second-class citizens in some situations, and there would be no erasing homophobia. The only way to do that would be to wipe out society and start over and that wasn’t an option either.
“I look at my family the same way I see the rest of the world. No matter how much most people say they have no problem with life choices, there’s still a stupid joke. A sideways glance when two gays express what every other couple have in this world. I liken it to being a black man. He could be as rich and as kind as Casper, but if he’s jogging down the street wearing a hoodie, people will avoid him as if he’s a criminal.”
“So you deal with it by blending in. It’s a concept I know well. I basically did when I was writing as Roberta, though I never hid my true identity. I did because I wanted to make money and I love writing and I love romance.”
“I think you’re missing my point,” Navy said. “Do you remember the concept of don’t ask, don’t tell that the military instituted?”
“I do, but they got rid of that.”
“Oh, how I wish that were really true.” Navy chuckled. “Being openly gay in that atmosphere is like being the weakest link.”
“You’re exaggerating.”
“Maybe it’s not the best analogy since the military is a wonderful place and I would still be there had it not been for my accident, but it has a dark side and for gay men with certain attitudes, it can be a real killer.” Navy ran his hands up and down Bobby’s arms. “You’re young. You’ve got so much of the world to see and some of it isn’t going to be pretty.”
“I might be younger than you, but don’t mistake my youth for lack of experience with prejudice. Just because I have a supportive family doesn’t mean I haven’t had my share of hard knocks.”
“Perhaps but it’s very different for you. Your family welcomed your gayness. They see it as being a normal everyday thing. But my family? They are still grappling with why it happened as if they did something to make me gay.” Navy shook his head. “My father still wants to believe it started in prep school. That something happened like I was raped or something. Which never happened, but he has it in his head that I was taken advantage of and that’s what made me gay.”
“Shit. That’s really fucked up.”
“I know. And my brothers and sister, they do try to be supportive, in their own weird way, and they know what my father believes is utter bullshit; however, they still think there is something traumatic in my childhood that forced me into the arms of another man. They just think men and women fit together physically, therefore it must be. Plus, we were raised in a church that isn’t very tolerant. It was put in our heads that it really isn’t normal. For a long time, I did believe there was something very wrong with me.”
“That’s horrible. I’m sorry. But after all these years can’t they see that you were born this way? That this is who you are, not what you are?”
“My mom gets it, but she will only admit that in private. In public, she takes my father’s side.”
“Dare I ask what that is?”
“In a nutshell, that I’m not gay. It’s almost comical to hear them talk about how I’m just not the settling down type when their friends ask if I have a girlfriend. They have never once corrected them.”
“Jesus,” Bobby mumbled. “I can’t imagine what that must be like. But I understand why you don’t want people to know based on your childhood.”
“It’s not that I don’t want people to know. I just don’t want to flaunt my relationships.”
“Wait a second. Do you correct your parents when they do this in front of their friends?”
“Well. No. I don’t want to embarrass them.”
“Because they misspoke? Or because you’re gay.”
Navy yanked his hands away. “You mistake my family’s inability to accept me being gay with society’s issues.” He ran a hand through his thick hair before he stood. “I don’t cover it up; I just don’t see the point in making anyone any more uncomfortable than they already are around me. I’m not a fan of public displays of affection, regardless of sexual orientation. I’m a private man and I want to keep my personal life to myself. I believe I’d be that way if I were into women.”
“No offense, Navy. You can tell yourself that all you want, but it’s crap.”
“Excuse me? Are you going to seriously tell me you would enjoy having your sexual exploits plastered all over page six like your brother?”
“Of course not. I prefer not to be in front of the camera at all.” Bobby stood a little too abruptly and he realized he’d had one too many, which was why he was a little loose with his words. “I don’t want my love life to be in the tabloids. Being private and being openly gay are two entirely different beasts. If I’m in a relationship, and I’m out on a date, I’m going to hold his hand. Or put my arm around him. Maybe even give him a kiss, when and where appropriate. Like maybe down at the pier, under the stars, after having a romantic stroll.”