“Seriously?”
Bobby nodded. “He said I was emotionally detached and unavailable. That I cared more about people who don’t exist than people who do and he wasn’t wrong. I’ve never really experienced true love. Not yet anyway. But I can’t handle it when men, or anyone for that matter, don’t express things at the moment they’re feeling them, or when appropriate. Can you give me that?”
“Yes.”
Bobby closed the space between them. He crashed his mouth over Navy’s in a hot and fiery kiss. Everything about being with Navy went against Bobby’s safe, simple, uncomplicated romantic entanglements. While he never went for the flamboyant type, he did prefer a more openly gay man who was in tune with the pulse of the gay community, even though Bobby kept one foot solidly out of it.
He couldn’t handle the drama.
Gay men could be worse that a bunch of middle school girls locked on a school bus for a week.
He could understand why Navy enjoyed the straight world. He just struggled with why he felt the need to hide being gay while he no longer had to deal with the potentially hostile environment a good old boys club like the military could invoke.
“That wine tastes really, really good,” Navy said, brushing his finger over Bobby’s lower lip.
“Help yourself and while you’re at it, you can top mine off.” Bobby pointed to the end table next to the chair as he pushed himself back, leaving his legs to the side, making room for Navy.
“And you made sandwiches.”
“I didn’t make them. My sister Jackie did. I stopped by her house to see my niece on the way home and they were having those for dinner, so she made me a bunch. It’s chicken salad with grapes, her daughter’s favorite.”
“Holy shit. My mom used to make me that when I was a kid. I love it.” Navy stuffed half a sandwich in his mouth before pouring some wine and leaning back against Bobby’s chest and resting his head on Bobby’s shoulder. “This view is amazing.”
“You’ve kind of ruined it for me.”
Navy glanced up with a cranked forehead. “And why is that?”
“I kind of prefer looking down at it now from up there.”
“Two different perspectives, both just as amazing.” Navy rested his arms around Bobby’s knees. “My brother Bradley must have left an impression for you to remember him from Hawk’s party.”
Bobby cleared his throat. He’d asked for total honesty from Navy which meant he needed to do the same in return. However, knowing Navy, this piece of information might set him off. “We actually chatted for a long time, though I hadn’t ever gotten his last name. Hawk and I have very different tastes in cars. When I first met him, he told me Range Rovers were the worst waste of money and that he wouldn’t even set foot in mine, so when he introduced me to your brother, it was all about trying to change my mind about my vehicle.”
“Bradley is passionate about his cars and he loves the brands he sells.”
“Infinity is a good vehicle, but not for me.” Bobby took a gulp of courage. “After he realized he wasn’t going to get me to change my mind and go trade in my brand-new Rover, he started talking about his brother, who was gay.”
Navy bolted upright, coughing and spewing his wine across the patio. “He what?”
“Today, when I saw Bradley, I hadn’t put it all together right away because it was over a year ago. Maybe closer to two years. My sister and Hawk weren’t even married yet. So, even when I recognized having talked to him, it took a while for all the memories to come flooding back, but he picked up pretty quickly that I was gay and he let me know he had a brother who was gay, but he also let me know he wasn’t so sure his brother was out of the closet.”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Navy chugged the rest of his wine and poured more. “Unbelievable.”
“Why does it bother you so much that Bradley thought we might be interested in each other?”
“That’s not what pisses me off.” Navy rubbed his temple. “My brothers have never asked me about my love life, or lack thereof. Like I said, we’re not very close, though I want to be, but I don’t know how and my dad perpetuates the problem. Growing up I had to listen to one bad gay joke after the other. After it became apparent that I wasn’t into girls, it was like walking on eggshells in my house. Of course, I was living at prep school, so I don’t know if that made it better or worse. When I went to the Naval Academy my father made the comment about it making a man out of me and that’s when I realized how ashamed he was of my sexuality.”
“Are you sure about that?” Bobby leaned forward and rubbed Navy’s strong back. “My father used those exact words about me when I chose to live on campus instead of living at home when I went to UCLA, which obviously it would have been just as easy for me to commute and would have saved him a pretty penny.”
“He said it just like that?”
“Looked me square in the eye at the ripe old age of seventeen and said this will make you a man, son. And make sure you don’t take shit from no one. I then proceeded to correct him on his English. And let’s not forget, my father is a football coach. It drove him batshit crazy that I was a bookworm and not a sports nut. Even all my sisters played sports in high school and everyone but Rose played in college.”
“You don’t see that as a dig about being gay?”
“No. I don’t. However, my family has never treated me differently, so I can see how it could be taken that way, but maybe, just maybe you’ve been the one taking some things wrong.”
Navy let out a long breath. “Randell made a comment about that tonight but it’s hard for me to erase some of the things that happened, like the time Bradley caught me in a lip-lock with a boy when I was home for Christmas my senior year. He was so disgusted by it I thought he was going to vomit.”
“Fitz one night, not too far in the distance past, admitted to me that he didn’t really understand men being together sexually. He said he’d never get a threesome with two guys and a girl, but he’s all down for two women and a man.”
“Okay, but have you always had those conversations?”
Bobby nodded. “I’ll never forget having to explain to him the difference between being a top, a bottom, or versatile. The look on his face was classic.”
“Which are you, by the way?” Navy asked.
Bobby laughed. “I’m versatile and I prefer to be with someone who is as well. I like to switch things up. What about you?”
“Exactly the same,” Navy said with a slight smile, but it quickly faded. “I’m forty years old and I’ve never been so confused in my life about my family. I want to be close to them. I go into every gathering with the mindset it’s going to be different, but the second we all open our mouths, we’re right back to the bullshit and tonight, when I saw my dad, he and my mom seemed more interested in Casper and his new girlfriend.”
“They didn’t ask about you? Your job? Anything?”
“Well, they did, but the conversation—shit.”
“What?”
“I’m the one who brought up Casper and Ethel.” Navy palmed Bobby’s face. “But I don’t want to talk about any of this anymore. I’d rather drop the food in the kitchen and take the wine upstairs.”