She relaxed, though her eyes were still wary. I suspected she did that a lot and I was only just recognizing her hurt. But that’s the Baker I first met. “No. It’s fine.”
“Okay. Sweet dreams.” I kissed the top of her head, both of us blinking at one another in surprise.
She released me, and I wanted to put her arms back around me. But I resisted.
“Sweet dreams.”
* * *
I stretched out on my bed, staring at the ceiling despite the darkness. Where I wanted to be was only a room over, but I’d done enough damage already. Pushing when I didn’t really know what I was doing.
I wanted her. There was no denying that. But I couldn’t have her. Baker deserved more than just sex. She deserved a guy that would treat her right. Put her first.
And I wasn’t that guy.
Those lips. I’d been so close, yet hadn’t touched. I fisted my dick, the pressure building too much.
Those legs. God, her body. Every inch of her sweet perfection.
I hadn’t been thinking when I barged in on her shower. Didn’t consider the consequences. Like how I couldn’t get the sight of her wet and those feral eyes out of my head. She was wild and innocent. Fire and passion. And her body? Holy hell. She was stunning. Creamy, soft skin. Tits I wanted to bury my face in and suck. Trim waist, something I held at the club hours ago. Damn . . . every one of her perfect features rolled through my head. Fuck. So gorgeous. I wished I’d touched her when she was naked, the way I had at the night club. Inhibitions gone. Restraint at zero. Want at 100 percent. Her name.
I pumped my shaft in hard, intense strokes. “Easy.”
Her name was a prayer on my lips. Torture and mercy. That woman was driving me straight out of my mind.
I looked down at my dick as I stroked, imagining her mouth around me, taking me deep. My cock swelled. I pictured her eyes, ripe with pleasure as she looked up. Hungry for me as I was for her.
My balls ached. I needed Baker. To feel her around me. To have her come apart at the seams because of me. My hand was a poor substitute, but it was the best I had.
I bet when she let go she was beautiful. I could almost hear her crying my name in bliss and that was my undoing.
“Easy.”
Thick ropes of my release shot to my stomach. I pumped until there was nothing left, sinking into the mattress.
Moving in with Baker was both the greatest and worst idea I’d ever had.
And damn her, my dick twitched back to life. But it wasn’t my own touch that would do. Hers. I had to have it, and I couldn’t.
My phone buzzed on the nightstand, lighting with an incoming call.
I lolled my head to the side, my arm too heavy to reach for the phone.
Celia.
Why now? It had been months. I had started to forget.
No. Baker had distracted me.
She made it so simple to forget what I’d left behind. I’d practically vanished from my old life. Left it like I had the intention of going back. I’d led my family to believe I might.
There was no way. I’d tried to stay until I felt like I was crushed to the point I couldn’t breathe anymore.
One lone buzz signaled a voicemail.
A knot formed in my stomach. I didn’t care what she had to say. Yet . . . I reached for the phone anyway and held it to my ear like a desperate fool.
“Hey . . . it’s me. I know it’s been a while . . . Crap. Just call me back. I-I miss you, Holt.”
Her voice turned me inside out, just like it always had. I listened to the message six times before I buried the phone under my pillow. I turned on my side and punched the goose down, which did nothing to squash my anxiety.
Weak.
It took all my strength not to call her back. She missed me?
Truth of it was, a part of me missed Wyoming . . . and her. When I moved there, I’d been running from New York. All these years later and I’d run right back here.
Running. Always running.
I rolled to my other side and tossed back to the same position. Would I ever find the place where I belonged?
All I wanted was to be accepted. I’d never had it here. Sure, my family loved me, but my mother’s abandonment had caused this deep rooted sense of unsettledness. Made me question if anybody really wanted me around. The last year had only cemented that insecurity.
I was sick of living with a shadow of doubt constantly hanging over my head. Problem was, I didn’t know how to get out from under it.
“Holt?” Baker’s roughened voice broke through the darkness.
I rolled over. Light from the hallway spilled in, her shadowy figure huddled in the doorway.
I sat up straight, on alert. “Everything okay?”
“I can’t sleep.” She rocked back on her heels, eyes trained on the floor before they found mine. The turbulence in them made something inside me ache. She was begging for me to make it better, and this was her way of doing it.
I slid over and pulled the covers back. “I can’t, either.” She scurried across the floor before she lost her nerve. “Wait,” I said when she was at the edge of the mattress. “I, uh, can you give me a sec?”
Her shoulders deflated. “I can go.”
“No.” I reached for her hand when she turned to leave. “Hang on. Figure you probably wouldn’t appreciate that I’m naked under here.”
She appeared amused. “When are you not naked?”
I tilted my head as if considering. “Fair point.” I lifted my chin toward the dresser. “Problem is, my sweats are over there.”
Even in the dim light her amusement was visible. “Are you getting shy now?”
“Maybe a little,” I teased, easing out from under the covers. Shit. I still had come all over my stomach. I swiped a shirt off the floor and discreetly cleaned it off as best I could.
I felt her eyes on me, slightly embarrassed that she probably could see the evidence of what I’d been up to. Couldn’t help it. She did this to me.
Baker crawled into bed, and I made the mistake of looking over at her. The sight of her there in my T-shirt had my body at full attention again.
What the hell? She turned me on. No point in hiding it.
I tossed the shirt on the floor and stalked to the chest of drawers, pulling out a pair of old sweatpants.
“I need some water. You want some?”
“Yeah.” I swore I heard disappointment in her voice now that I had some clothes on. Or maybe I just wanted to.
I hurried to the kitchen, rinsed off the rest of the mess on my stomach, and returned to the bedroom. Baker was propped against the headboard. A little more of her hair had worked loose from the knot it was pulled in.
This was where I wanted her.
My steps faltered at the thought. I shoved down the truth and forced the cocky swagger to the surface that I’d learned as a disguise.
Her eyes were all-knowing when they met mine.
She saw me.
She saw everything. Hopefully she didn’t hear everything too.
I unscrewed the cap on the water bottle and passed it to her. She took a drink, but I guzzled most of the liquid when she gave it back to me.
“Lights on or off?” I motioned toward the hallway.
“On.”
I rounded the foot of the bed and slid in beside her. “Come here.”
She hesitated, eyeing me warily before she crawled into my arms. I settled her head against my chest and stroked her hair, the finest silk between my fingers. Her breath was warm on my skin and when she slung her arm around me, something right clicked into place. Something I’d never felt.