And then I remembered that he hadn’t come home last night. Had probably seduced some unsuspecting woman with his sweet talk and sexy smile.
He brushed his thumb across my lips. “I thought we were having fun.” The playfulness in his tone from minutes before had vanished. He didn’t get to act like he cared about me. Not when he’d been with someone else less than twenty-four hours ago. Hell, less than twelve hours ago.
Ugh.
The thought of him waking up in another woman’s bed nauseated me.
I shoved at his chest, no longer thrilled with his tainted hands on me. Holt didn’t budge.
“Let me go,” I hissed.
“Can’t do that, Easy.” He was far too calm for my liking.
“You’re the easy one,” I said petulantly, the green streak of jealousy on display for him to see.
Confusion flitted across his face. I pushed again, somehow managing to break out of his hold.
I wrestled my way through the wall-to-wall dancers, my anger propelling me forward. Stupid. I was so so stupid. This was how it had all started before. When I’d gotten myself in more trouble than I could have ever imagined.
The room spun as I made it to the fringe of the dance floor. Pounding bass throbbed until my heart matched its rhythm. All I could hear was the thump, thump, thump, but what I saw terrified me. I was no longer in the club, but back in the car that had been my nightmare. I’d thought it was the safest place in the world.
“We’re gonna leave our mark, baby. You and me. Nobody’s ever gonna forget us.”
That slow grin. The way I’d believed the words he’d spoken. He’d been right. I just didn’t know I’d spend the rest of my life trying to make people forget me.
I stumbled, throwing out my arm against a wall for support. Steady hands found my waist. Endless pools of concern peered down at me.
I jolted, slapping his hands away. “You—you don’t get to do that.” I shoved a finger into his chest, shouting above the music. Nobody had ever heard me because I’d never put up a fight. But those days were done.
“Baker?”
My heart twisted with the reverent way he spoke my name, but I pushed my anger toward the surface. “No. Go use your sexy words on somebody else. Maybe the woman from last night wants to hear them again.”
“Last night?” He blinked at me in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“You can’t just brainwash me.” There was an edge of desperation in my voice. I tried to remember techniques I’d learned in therapy to deal with stress, but they all escaped me.
I am strong. I am strong. I am my own woman.
He took me by the hand and tugged. I tried to remain rooted in place, but he was too strong. Holt stopped when he felt my resistance.
“We need to talk and we’re not having this conversation here.”
He waited until I gave a subtle nod before he led me down a narrow hallway. I cursed myself for giving in so easily. I didn’t owe him an explanation. Didn’t owe him anything. Yet I felt compelled to follow where he led.
Just like I always did.
Holt moved with determination. The music had only faded a fraction, still too loud to be heard without shouting. He pushed through a door with an exit sign lit above it into a stairwell. The echo of the door closing bounced off the concrete block walls. The music muted.
He released me and raked a hand through his hair, pacing in a small circle. “I know my behavior,” he paused and looked at me, yanking on his thick locks, “hasn’t been the best.”
I wrapped my arms around my middle and hugged myself, staring at the ground.
“Brainwash? Baker, I don’t know what to say to that. I’d never . . .” Anguish filled his eyes. “Why would you think that?”
I lifted my gaze to his. “It’s what men do.”
He froze. “Not all men,” he said quietly.
All men, I argued in my head. Instead of saying anything, I just lifted my chin.
“Seduce you? Yeah, I’m totally guilty. And obviously I’ve done a bang up job of it.”
“Seduce. Brainwash. They’re really one in the same.” I shrugged, but my insides had gone cold.
Holt’s stare burned into me. “What happened to you?”
His voice was lethally low, as if he were furious on my behalf. When he figured out who I was, that anger would evaporate in an instant.
“Nothing that matters.” It was a lie. What happened to me defined the person I was today no matter how I tried to get away from it. I’d managed a new start, only a few people I’d confessed the truth to.
This . . . the woman in the dress who had a dream job working at a fashion magazine? She was a facade. Nothing more than a thin veil disguising the ugly truth.
He stepped closer. “I think it does. A whole hell of a lot.”
I held my ground, though I hugged myself more tightly. “I don’t care what you think.”
Holt recoiled as if I’d slapped him. Instant regret flooded me. Was this my new tactic? Hurt him before he hurt me?
A vein pulsed in his temple, but he nodded once. “Fair enough.” He let out a frustrated breath. “Then let’s get to what exactly you think happened last night.”
I lifted a shoulder and painted a look of indifference on my face. “I know you didn’t come home.”
Light dawned in his eyes. “And where exactly do you think I was?”
“Never gave it a second thought.” More lies. And he knew it.
“Then why’d you bring it up?”
I shrugged again, wishing I hadn’t.
He edged closer to me until I felt the heat radiating off of him. “Why do you think I spent the night out?”
“Not my business.”
“Because of you. You.”
He shoved open the door before the weight of his words settled on me. It slammed, and I jumped before sagging against the wall. He didn’t deny it.
It was always because of me. I just couldn’t figure out why I drove men to do horrible things.
I shivered and resisted the urge to go after him. Instead, I hugged myself harder and rocked until my heart slowed to a normal pace. I couldn’t go home. Not after that.
I couldn’t face if he didn’t come home, either. I was afraid to find out that he didn’t.
The shelter.
Mrs. Quinn wouldn’t mind if I spent the night there again. She’d welcome me. I closed my eyes and settled a bit more at the thought of somewhere familiar. Safe. Somewhere without Holt.
No. That felt wrong.
I straightened, picked up my head, and squared my shoulders. I’d promised myself I was ready to live out in the real world. When I’d agreed to be Holt’s roommate, I’d known it wouldn’t be trouble-free. Nothing in life was . . . and I’d learned that the hard way. But I wasn’t her any more. “When you accept you are the strong woman who tried to do the right thing and started a new life, you’ll know. You’ll have the strength to take another step forward.” Another step forward . . .
Was I going to tuck tail and run every time I got scared?
Absolutely not.
Just like Mrs. Quinn had told me I’d be able to do, I was going to take another step forward.
Chapter Six