"You still listen to this?" I gasped incredulously. "This can't be real life.”
"Just when I feel nostalgic," he slurred and brushed over my upper thigh with his hand.
Butterflies invaded my stomach in a massively wild herd. Were we back in high school, here for the very first time? If I closed my eyes and concentrated, could I turn back time? It sure as hell felt like I could.
We parked under the bridge by the river, well hidden from the main road and the cars overhead. This was our spot. I wondered if he’d ever taken other girls here over the years, but I shook away the thought.
The Used screeched through the car's speakers, and I tapped my feet accordingly, lip-syncing with an imaginary microphone.
"Do you remember our first time here?”
"I would never be able to forget it if I tried." I smiled. "I was so nervous!" The memory swirled around my mind and sped up my heartbeat.
"No, you weren't! You made the first move.”
"No. I don't think so." I scrunched my face as I recalled that night.
"Yeeeesss," he drew out. "We were parked right here, music on, just like it is now. You put your hand on my leg.”
I laughed out loud. "I put my hand on your leg because you had pizza sauce on your shorts! I was trying to clean them for you.”
"If that's the card you wanna play, Elle." Noah winked.
"I mean, I think this is what I did. Right?" I massaged him, moving up further.
"Yeah. It was something like that." Noah closed his eyes and licked his lips.
I unbuckled my seatbelt, and without realizing what my body had planned, I ended up straddling Noah in the driver's seat. He was hard against me, and it was as if no time had passed at all. I started kissing his neck, and while he moaned my name, empowerment surged through my veins. No longer was I the shy girl from school who was terrified of boys; I was older, more mature, and fierce as fuck.
Noah fumbled as he tried to unlatch my bra clasp with difficulty. I couldn't help but laugh because, in school, he had no problem taking off my clothes. It seemed as if our roles were reversed, and I liked it. Noah couldn't manage to unhook my bra, so he hiked it up. Breathlessly, he cupped my breasts with his hands, massaging them until my nipples stiffened. He nibbled on the nape of my neck, igniting a fire that burned hot deep in my belly. I pushed away all thoughts of Zac—I couldn't think of him now. All I cared about was feeling Noah inside of me. It would be easy, familiar.
He removed his hands from my breasts while our tongues intertwined feverously. I grinded my hips against him, waiting and ready for the real thing. I wanted him so badly I couldn't stand it. My heart pounded through my chest. Noah's fingers traveled up my dress until he felt my sex.
"You're so wet," he whispered in my ear.
"I want you," I breathed.
"I can't believe this is happening," he said. "I've dreamt about being with you again for so long.
Just as I unzipped his pants, his cell rang and echoed loudly inside the car.
"Who is calling you this late?" I asked before my tongue massaged his ear.
Noah took one look at the caller ID. "Oh fuck." He pushed me off him, grabbed his phone, and darted outside to answer. I crumpled awkwardly into the passenger seat and banged my elbow against the gearshift in the process.
Angry, my ego bruised, I jumped out of the car. The previous song ended, and a track from Say Anything turned on. The nostalgia hit me like a sack of bricks.
"I'm coming home soon, babe," I heard him say.
Babe?
"Okay. I'll stop and pick up some diapers and formula, too. I love you.”
My heart sank while bile rose in my throat. "Who was that?" I spat.
"I have to go home," he said as he pulled his pants up.
In the dark of the night, I stormed over to him and grabbed his left hand. The vision of a tan line on his ring finger slapped me across the face.
"You're married?" I shrieked.
He hung his head and pushed me aside, getting back in the car. I grasped his arm and whipped him around to face me.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Your wife—and kids too—are home waiting for you to come home, and you're out here about to screw me in your car?”
"Elle, let it go," he growled.
I started laughing like a hyena. "Let it go? Let it go? You're disgusting, Noah! You seduced me, all the while knowing you were going to cheat on your wife.”
"I'm drunk, okay? I wasn't thinking clearly.”
"Sounds about right. You never could come up with an intelligent thought, even back in school. No wonder we broke up. You're a jackass.”
Tears poured down my florid cheeks. How could I have been so naive to think Noah had changed? How could I have believed it was a good idea to take a ride alone with him? How did I not see his ring finger before this? I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I wanted to throw up.
"I'm sorry. Please don't tell anyone," he pleaded.
"Fuck off," I said.
"Do you need a ride home?”
"Yeah, like I'd get back in the car with you. No, thanks.”
"Suit yourself, then. It was great seeing you." And with that, Noah drove away, leaving me stranded by the river, the only person beside the shoreline.
I sank to the grass, landing on my knees. Tears of anger and frustration poured out of me. I dug my nails into the dewy earth and screamed at the top of my lungs. Several sleeping birds flew away in fright. The alcohol churned in my stomach, leaving me ill.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…
History sure had a nasty way of repeating itself.
I couldn't wallow by the river all night, though. So, I pulled myself up and trekked back toward my mother's house, cursing and muttering the whole time. My buzz disappeared miles ago, and my head throbbed malevolently. I knew I still had about a half hour's walk ahead of me, but I didn't want to call my mom at this hour. I was embarrassed enough as it was.
Along the hike, I tried to remember all the times my mother and I had taken walks or bike rides in this part of town. Too many to count. I wondered what she would say if she knew what had just happened with Noah. Admittedly, it would be something like, “When you lie with a snake, prepare to be bitten.”
On the last stretch, the birds appeared and sang to their hearts' content as the sun rose above the horizon. Technically, it was a new day, but the hurt from the night still pressed firmly against my chest.
I wanted to go home and yet, here I was.
Nine
After everything that happened with Noah, I let myself sleep in well past noon the following day. Thankfully, Jack didn't bother me; I'm sure he knew I'd come home late and need to rest. Once my eyes opened, I immediately closed them again. The sun blinded me as I'd forgotten to close the blinds when I got home.
Like a slap across the face, I remembered what happened just hours ago. I couldn't believe I let Noah hurt me all over again. As if once wasn't enough. Goddamnit, I must be some masochist. I should win an award for the best doormat. I was surprised I didn't have permanent shoe prints across my forehead.
Physically, I felt like shit too. My muscles ached while my throat was dry and raspy. I needed water and food as soon as humanly possible. But, more importantly, I needed a drink. As my eyes adjusted to the daylight, I sat up in bed. I was still wearing my same clothes from last night, heels included.