My phone has been ringing nonstop. So many people have called me that I’ve silenced it and then decided to go for a drive. Damion and Grace are the only two people I’m answering calls from and thankfully, they believed me when I said that I was okay and after several calls and reassurances, they’re finally leaving me alone—for now.
Turning down a county road, a road that I know almost as well as my own childhood street, I sigh. I don’t know why I’m driving down here, maybe to feel a sense of nostalgia. I’m surprised by how many more driveways there are on each side of the road then there used to be.
Some of the entrance gates are clearly expensive, not to mention gorgeous. It makes me wonder who is living out here these days? I know they can’t be a local. Nobody from Gallup has money like that.
My breath is stolen from me when I finally see it. On the right-hand side of the two-lane, unlined road. The two tall pieces of wood, with another going across the top. There is a piece of metal hanging down that’s new, FBM. My heart twists at the sight of it. It’s his initials.
There’s a metal gate with just a padlock and chain to keep it closed, that isn’t new, in fact, I think it’s probably original from Ford’s granddaddy.
Old horse fence is attached to each side of the wood entrance, and I know that the fence surrounds the entire property. I also know that Ford is the one who has been repairing it on his own since he was thirteen-years-old.
I remember riding on the back of his horse to check the fencing when we were young, then we’d picnic under a tree and I’d watch him work in the hot Texas sunshine. More times than not he’d peel his shirt off and work in just his Wrangler jeans and straw cowboy hat.
I loved it—every single second.
In those moments, I would dream about living out on this ranch with him. Our lives would have been so simple, so organic. Slowing down, I stop my car as I stare out at his family land. This land has been in the Matthews family for generations.
Ultimately, my dreams were bigger than a simple, slow, organic lifestyle. I wanted the city. I wanted to try to make it big. I wanted to try everything. Ford wouldn’t have ever come with me, and even if he had, he would’ve hated every single second.
This is his peace. Not once did he ever express an interest in living anywhere but on this ranch. I had no choice but to run. As much as I hated hurting him and the way that I did it.
On that day, facing him there with all our family and friends, I knew that I would make us both miserable if I walked down that aisle.
Turning my car around, I leave the ranch and head back into town. My stomach rumbles and I decide to get to the grocery store and grab some food that is fresh and real. I can’t handle diner food or Lulamae’s judgmental gaze again, not today.
Heading toward HEB, I smile as soon as I turn into the parking lot. God, it’s been a lifetime since I’ve been inside of an HEB grocery store. Finding a spot, I pull in and stare at the entrance. Not a single thing has changed, absolutely nothing.
Keeping my glasses on, I climb out of the car and head inside. I’m dressed down today, wearing jeans and a t-shirt with flat sandals. I didn’t put any makeup on and my hair is in a braid down my back in hopes that I won’t be recognized.
Though, since Lulamae knew exactly who I was yesterday, my hopes are not too high on that front. Grabbing a handheld basket, I carry it against my side as I walk toward the fresh produce. I’m surprised at the size of the organic produce department, it’s triple the size that I imagined it would be.
Reaching for the Fredericksburg yellow peaches, I moan as I hold a peach up to my nose. It smells amazing. Smells like home. I shouldn’t buy any, there is way too much sugar in peaches, but I can’t stop myself from placing two in my basket.
“Amazing, right?” a woman’s voice says next to me.
Looking over, I smile at her. She’s got a young toddler sitting in the basket, her legs swinging as her hands curl around the handle and a young child sitting in the large part of the cart. The woman has long blonde hair that’s braided down her shoulder and though she looks tired, she also looks happy.
“I haven’t had one in years,” I admit.
She tilts her head to the side, her eyes searching my face. I expect to see recognition cross her features as she figures out who I am, but it doesn’t. She only smiles, then turns to the little boy.
“Reese, honey, can you grab a couple of those peaches for Daddy? He asked for peach jam this summer.”
I almost moan at the thought of peach jam, of Fredericksburg peach jam. She continues putting things in her basket near me, and I can’t help but watch her. She’s a few years younger than me, but she looks blissfully happy. So damn happy. I wonder if I could have been that happy had I stayed here?
“You okay?” she asks a few moments later.
Shaking my head, I give her a smile and shove my glasses up on my head. “Yeah, I’m sorry. You just look really happy. It’s sweet.”
She frowns, then smiles softly. “I am really happy.”
We make small talk for a few minutes and I find out that she’s been married a little over three years and that she’s lived here her whole life. I don’t recognize her name when she introduces herself as Channing, but since she’s a bit younger than me, I probably didn’t go to school with her.
“You know, this may sound weird, but a bunch of us decided to do a barbeque out by the lake tonight. You’re more than welcome to join us. We’re just going to grill and hang out, the more the merrier.”
Jesus, but I forgot what small-town life was like. I would never invite a perfect stranger anywhere near me in LA, even if I was going to be in public.
I think about telling her no, but then I remember that I have nowhere to be except alone with my thoughts and my phone that has those pictures and millions of missed calls because of those pictures.
“Okay.” I nod. “What do you want me to bring?”
She grins, her eyes searching mine. “Just yourself and a side to share. We’re going to do burgers and hot dogs. Tulip always brings desserts for everyone, and I’ve already begged her for her Hummingbird cake. I hope I’m not stepping on any toes, but you’re single, right?” she asks.
I let out a snort, unable to keep it in. “I am,” I say.
“Would it be weird if I said that I really think my friend would totally be into you. I mean he’d be pissed as hell if he knew I was doing this and there’s no pressure, it’s just our whole group is couples and I know he feels like a third wheel sometimes, might be nice if he meets someone new,” she says with a shrug.
My heart hammers against my chest and I wonder if I should cancel, then I decide that maybe I would meet someone nice and who the hell cares? Plus, I can leave any time that I want to. I’ve never been shy, not even when I was a kid, why would I be now?
“I’m only in town for a few weeks, but yeah, that sounds like fun.” I smile.
Before leaving Channing and the store, I get enough food to put together a charcuterie tray to share, along with some food to keep in the hotel for myself.
I’m going to allow myself the evening to be around these new people, but tomorrow I need to get started on the task at hand, the whole reason I’m here. Tomorrow, I need to go through my childhood home.