For a few minutes, Jake was speechless. He was trying to digest her words and make some sense out of them. A vision of his mother lying on the floor, bloodied and beaten flashed through his mind. He flinched, closing his eyes to will it away.
After what seemed like an eternity, he took a deep breath and mumbled. "Now what?"
"I'm not sure. I met you and everything changed.” The confession was unexpected, and she sought his eyes as if he they held all the answers.
Out of the blue, two little girls raced by with a frazzled woman right on their heels. Lunging out, the woman managed to grab one of the girls by the arm before she crashed into the waitress. Without warning, the girl’s infectious giggles reeled Kristen back to her own childhood. Transfixed, she gaped at them, an innocent, dreamy look on her face.
Jake couldn't tear his eyes away from Kristen. He knew deep in his soul she deserved better, that they met the way they did for a reason. It wasn't to battle each other, it was to satisfy the desperate need to fill the void in their lives. To heal, love, and be happy.
But there was still something wrenching at his gut that he needed to resolve before he could rest his mind. “How many times did you leave him and go back?”
The question took her by complete surprise. Where was this heading now?
Her adrenaline was rising at an incredible rate of speed, and she was starting to see bright flashes of light in her mind, threatening to obscure her vision.
Her voice cracked as she forced herself to answer. “A few times.”
Jake was carefully weighing everything in his head, desperate to stay focused and calm. “A few? Did you know how he was when you married him?” His eyes narrowed as they bore into her. This was the crucial missing link he needed provided in order to move forward with her.
Kristen groaned loudly, unable to handle it anymore, then exploded. “What difference does it make now, Jake?”
He straightened in his seat, taken aback by her unexpected outburst. “It makes a lot of difference. Why can’t you just answer—”
She surged to her feet, her eyes on fire as she cut him off “— Forget it Jake! Why don’t we just forget the whole damn thing, okay? I have to get outta here!” Without wasting a second, she grabbed her bag and fled from the café into the street.
For a second Jake was in a state of shock. When he pulled himself together, he tossed the money down on the table to take care of the bill and darted after her. It didn’t’ take him long to spot Kristen a few blocks away.
Without much effort, he caught up to her and grabbed her arm, stopping her in her tracks. “What the fuck, Kristen! We can’t even have a simple conversation without you blowing up?” His mind was raging.
“It’s your fault, Jake! This whole thing with us is probably a mistake…” She turned her face to prevent him from seeing the redness in her eyes.
“A mistake? A few hours ago you said you loved me! What happened? Or was that another lie!” The minute he uttered the words he regretted them.
She whirled on him, her eyes wide. “Another lie? You see, that’s what I mean Jake. You think I’m nothing more than a stupid liar that you can fuck whenever you feel like it!”
Any bit of patience Jake had left was dissolving, but her accusation sounded so ridiculous, he had to laugh. His eyes sailed upward along her body, taking in the redness of her nose and eyes, and the trembling she was failing to control. “What!? Don’t put words in my mouth, Kristen. You know that’s a load of crap!”
Suddenly realizing they were still in the middle of the block and people were filing around and past them, he took her elbow, steering her out of the way. They were facing each other on the stairs leading up to a store. “You didn’t answer my question. What happened to you?”
“Nothing happened to me! You’re the one judging and condemning me!”
“That’s bullshit, Kristen, and you know it!” He gripped her arm and started to pull her toward the street again. “But if you really want to end it, let’s go get your stuff!”
Ripping her arm away, she refused to move and glared up at him in defiance. He took her silence as a sign of uncertainty, and hid his sigh of relief. “I don’t want it to end like this, Kris. Can't we please talk about what’s bothering you?”
Kristen was aware she was succumbing to the sparkle of kindness in his eyes. Maybe it was time to face her demons. She sank to the stairs, squinting at him against the blinding sunlight. When he dropped down beside her, she withdrew behind her hands. “I don’t understand why knowing all that is so important to you. Don’t you know how painful it is to relive?”
“I do. But I have to know what you want and where I stand. I can’t unless you tell me what makes you happy.”
The earnest quality in his voice comforted her. Her defensive shield was crumbling, but her face remained buried under her hands and a mass of hair. “I was only 20 when we got together. I didn’t understand what I was getting into. It seemed like fun at first, and wasn’t that crazy…until later. But it wasn’t the life I wanted. It was never what I wanted.”
“Baby, I can deal with that…really. You have to trust me.” He was aware of her pain, and hurt by it, but was also thrilled that she was finally opening up. “Can you look at me?”
Kristen slowly removed her hands and let her eyes travel to his face. “What else do you want to know, Jake?”
The surrender in her voice motivated him. “Why were you so afraid to tell me that?”
She shook her head, a wounded smile playing on her lips. “I thought you wouldn’t want me anymore...” A tremor rocked her body. She hugged her arms around her knees.
His eyes widened in shock, then quickly softened. “Hey, listen to me,” he said, taking her face in his hands. “That’s not gonna happen, you hear me? If I didn’t care about you so much, it wouldn’t be so important to me. But I have my own issues. I don’t want to find out months from now that I can’t give you what you really need. I don’t want you running back to him when I’m in so deep it’ll kill me. Do you understand me now?”
Without a word, she swallowed hard and nodded. The tears shining in his eyes were haunting, and her own threatened to overflow.
Without warning he grinned, but the concern in his moist eyes didn’t diminish. “So, are we good now? Or do you still want to leave me?” His lips brushed her cheek, his face nestling against her smooth skin.
“I never wanted to leave you, Jake.” Her voice was hushed in his ear. But the warmth he induced in her couldn’t supersede the pain in her heart or torment embedded in her soul. Not yet.
Jake was revitalized, a sudden spurt of energy bursting through his veins. “Then let’s go home.” He beamed, extending his hand to her.
LOGAN
Logan stood on the balcony overlooking South Beach. The view from the seventh-floor condo was magnificent, even to him, and he wasn't easily impressed. In fact, lately it was getting harder and harder to feel aroused in general. He felt as if he was floating through an endless maze sometimes, reaching out for some illusive source of fulfillment. Other times there was just emptiness.