“Just do it, Trenton. Trust me. Now.”
I didn’t wait to see if he’d listened to me. I had no time for that. Usually this was the kind of thing that I’d brace for, but I just had to do this, I had to take on the emotional pain of everyone on this ship until they were all sucked so dry they couldn’t stay upright. I fisted my hands. Truthfully, I didn’t know if I could even brace myself. I’d never attempted anything like this, ever.
I was going to take down Wade, and I had no idea if Trenton getting in with Blaze would work. It was possible all the sleeping Super Soldiers were going to get hit as well.
This was just the best I could do, the only hope we had.
I opened myself up, letting down my guards until I was fully opened to take on the pain of anyone who breathed the same air as me.
I closed my eyes.
The rush that hit me was beyond that of anything I could ever have imagined. So many people and so much distress. I’d known that the Super Soldiers lived in hell. Certainly, I’d experienced Anders’s version of it when I’d done this with him.
But really… I’d had no idea.
Locked away on my tiny planet, we hadn’t known this kind of agony. People lived simple lives. It wasn’t that they didn’t hurt, but somehow this was so different I couldn’t even recognize it as the same thing. These were emotions, they were wounds that would never be closed no matter how much time or help they got.
Or maybe that wasn’t true. My guys were getting better every day they were out of Evander. Other Super Soldiers had.
I hit the ground, my knees aching for a second before I couldn’t feel them anymore. There was just too much everything. I couldn’t think. Tears flooded my eyes, for what, I didn’t know. What wasn’t I crying about seemed more accurate. Everything was dark. Pain. Murder. Abuse.
Why did anyone bother trying? Why did any of us keep going when there was no point to any of it ever? Why? Just why?
I lost track of time. The ship tilted left and then right, or maybe it was me swaying. I’d lost my footing.
There just wouldn’t be anything to…
Strong hands lifted me from behind. “Sienna, enough.”
Trenton’s voice reached me. I didn’t know from where since it seemed like there was no reality anymore, just the edge of the universe where, in the end, everything was misery and destruction.
Blackness flooded my vision.
I woke up to the sounds of beeping and the whoosh of a medical machine. I was inside of one. Claustrophobia hit for a second before a cooling sensation flooded my body, and I closed my eyes, not caring one way or another whether I was inside a tube or for how long I’d have to stay there. Sleep was a balm I was glad to take however it came.
The next time I roused, I was in a bed. It was soft beneath me and the room quiet. I opened my eyes, and the sound of shuffling greeted me. Corbin stared down at me, a furrow to his brow, before he climbed into the bed and scooted us both around until he had his arms around my waist and my head on his chest. I nestled down into him, glad for his presence in the cold, cold world.
He smelled like coffee. Did Super Soldiers drink coffee? I’d never seen them have a cup.
Corbin stroked my back, gently. “How are you doing, Sienna?”
Not well. I closed my eyes without answering him, knowing I wouldn’t sleep. I hadn’t given any thought to the aftermath of what I’d done, just that I had done it. I needed to take down our captors to give Trenton the chance to take control of the ship and hope that the others woke up and could help. Clearly that had happened, or some version of it, or I’d not be lying here now with Corbin.
“Hurts.” I didn’t mean physically. My body felt fine. I wasn’t even sure why I’d been in the med machine. It was just that I was so bone-tired and yet wide awake, so weary and yet… not at the same time. I didn’t know how I was ever going to come out of this.
He stroked my hair. “I bet.”
I managed to pick up my wrist. The level read nine. That wasn’t good, but I couldn’t even bring myself to care. I had no feelings left of my own, just the ability to somehow process all the ones I’d ingested.
“Wade wants to put you back into cryo for a while, get those numbers down. We tried the med machine but, as before, there is nothing we can do in there. We had hoped the machines here, since they’re Evander made, might have some of the cures. They don’t.”
I closed my eyes. That just figured. Nothing anyone could do. “I don’t want to go into cryo and wake up to a new world, new people, with no idea who anyone is. I don’t think I can start over like that again and again.”
He kissed my forehead. “I wouldn’t let that happen to you. None of us would.”
That was sweet, but I’d long ago learned that things happened whether anyone intended them to or not. “Are you okay?”
“Me? Sure, that fucking ray they used on us to take us down really sucked, but we fought back from it pretty well until we couldn’t anymore. I’m going to figure out how to get resistance to it. That’ll be my main task for the next however long it takes. Thanks for getting us out of cryo.” He stopped his hand stroking. “Even if we’d all have preferred you didn’t almost sacrifice yourself in the meantime.”
I closed my eyes. They just felt too heavy to keep open even though I wasn’t going to sleep. “I can only do what I can do. I’m not strong like all of you, or capable with the ship. I don’t know how to do much of anything, but I have these two things I can do. I won’t be any less than any of you. If I need to use my skills to save you, that’s what I’ll do.”
He made a sound that didn’t seem happy, but I wasn’t going to lift my lids to get his facial expression. I just couldn’t. “Are we going back for Artemis?”
“No need. She’s on this vessel. We are bringing the whole thing, Artemis included, back to Mars Station to regroup. Our mission objective is done, thanks to you. We have the Evander ship and the Evander people who were left on this side of the galaxy all in cryo. This was what we wanted.”
That made me open my eyes. “That’s good news, right?”
I really needed some good news right now. In a major way.
“It is. So now we just need to figure out what to do next.” He ran his hand over my wrist where my indicators were. Aha, I understood. They had to decide how they were going to make me healthy.
I leaned on my elbow and stared down at him. “Corbin, level with me. Wade is worried that I’m at a nine, isn’t he?”
“Worried doesn’t begin to cover how we all feel about it. Yes. But he’s going to get the best possible help in healing you. So try not to worry.”
I nodded. “I’m not sure I could worry right now. I’m having trouble feeling anything through the… awful that’s inside of me right now.”
He ran his finger down the slope of my nose. “That’ll pass. I promise.”
I wished I could have Corbin’s faith in that. I absolutely did not.
4 Dark Days
When I finally could muster up enough energy to leave the room with Corbin, it was to go to the glass enclosure where I had left Wade. I was getting a little bit too close to being infectious to Trenton and Wade. I had to stay away. Technically, it would need to be at ten for me to make them sick, but there was every reason to think the number would continue to rise, and we didn’t want to find out it had happened after the fact.