1 All Good Things
The small ship we were in jolted in the air, and I held on for dear life, wishing I could be back on the hot, rainy, miserable planet we’d just escaped. Trenton, who was flying the small vessel, didn’t notice my discomfort, nor should he since he was, in fact, saving our lives. His concentration belonged elsewhere. But Wade, who sat strapped in next to me, sure did.
He leaned forward, taking my hand in his. “Whoever designed and built this thing was obviously not concerned with the dampeners. It sucks.” He side-eyed me. “I might even puke.”
I highly doubted that. Wade and Trenton were battle scarred, and I doubted that space travel would make either one of them blink an eye in worry. But he was sweet to say that to make me feel better.
I didn’t miss the way his gaze traveled to the number on my wrist, telling him just how alive the infection inside of me currently was. It hadn’t changed. I was still at a level seven, and that was higher than any of us wanted it to be.
“I think it’s more likely they were repaired badly.” Trenton rolled his eyes. “We’re not spending a minute more on this thing than we have to. As soon as I can get parts to repair her, I’m going back for the ship.”
I cared about Artemis. Somehow, in the few days I’d been conscious on her, I’d really come to feel fond of the old lady. But I cared about who we had just left there a lot more. Without people on it, a ship was really just a ship. Wasn’t it? What did I know? I’d only been consciously aware of being in space for a matter of about a week. Or maybe less. Time was becoming something I lost track of regularly. It changed from planet to planet, ship to ship, space station to space station. In any case, it didn’t matter.
I was missing five people who should have been here with us.
Blaze, he led everyone with so little thought to himself. Anders, he was sweet inside and a caretaker despite that not being his role in life. Kellan, he didn’t see how he was kind because he was trained to see that as a fault. Corbin, he knew how to fix everything and wanted to be there for everyone. And finally Devil, he had not started out with them but came to join us because he wanted to be with me, because he wanted redemption for the life he’d lived before he’d started over. He was smart and kind, even if he didn’t know it.
All of them were somewhere else, not with us. Raising my free hand, I bit down on my thumbnail. “I’m asking again, how can we just leave them?”
“Because Blaze told us to.” Trenton didn’t look up. “And the general agreement all seven of us have is that we are putting you above everything else. I assure you, I won’t rest until we have them back from wherever they are. If they’re hiding down there, then let’s assume there is really a good reason for it. If they’ve been captured or killed, then we have to run. But we’re not abandoning them. We’re just regrouping once we have you safe.”
I was so sick of being the reason they were constantly at risk, and I was even more annoyed at having absolutely nothing to contribute except as someone they could make love to or make out with when it was safe. Not that I hadn’t really enjoyed that. I absolutely had. But it couldn’t be my only role. That was pathetic.
Clearing their emotional pain wasn’t particularly useful right now, and I had no one to zap.
I let go of Wade’s hand, smiling at him, and turned back to Trenton as I swung the chair around to face the controls. “What can I do?”
“Do?” Trenton shot me a quick look I couldn’t decipher. “You want to help fly?”
“Yes. What if the two of you were suddenly rendered unconscious? How would I fly? Can I help make it less bumpy?”
Wade leaned back in his chair. “You’re nicer than me. I’m not offering to help.”
“I noticed.” Trenton laughed. “Okay, Sienna. You want to fly? I’d love the help. Put your hands on the two buttons like I am. They’re not push buttons; you have to rotate them. Do you understand?”
I actually did. I held on to it. Funny, I could feel the ship differently when I touched the controls. As though it moved through my hands while my body continued to bounce in the rough turbulence.
“I’m not going to let you fly right this second. Too much instability until we exit the atmosphere and head into space. Then I’m going to haul ass to Mars Station. But hold on to the controls with me so you can feel what I do. You should get the sensation of what I’m doing as I’m doing it. This is a teaching trick on vessels like this one. Artemis is different. But we’ll start with this.”
Wade rose, holding on to his chair but seeming really unconcerned with what was happening, which only added to my already solid belief that he really wasn’t as freaked out as I had been from the bouncing.
“I’m going to go check out the medical supply situation here. I left most of our stuff on Artemis locked up in a fridge. I didn’t want to risk losing all of it. Hope that wasn’t a huge mistake.”
That meant that he was concerned about me and the looming seven on my wrist. I was worried about it, too, but less so every day than I had been on day one with it. At this point, the last thing I needed to worry about was the viral number and my complete inability to control it.
Wade abruptly stopped, lifting up his tablet. “I’ve got contact.”
“Who is it?” Trenton still didn’t turn to look.
Wade scrolled his fingers over the screen. “It’s Kellan.”
“Is he okay? Where is he?” The ship jerked as Trenton pulled us clear, the turbulence fading as we broke orbit. He still hadn’t taken his eyes off of the control panel. I swung around to fully regard Wade, releasing the controls. I’d get back to it. I wanted to see Wade’s face. He was better at hiding things with his voice than his facial expressions.
He chewed on his lower lip. Not a good sign. “They’re taken. He got a message out before they grabbed their devices. Says to dump the tablets.”
Trenton swung around, letting go of the controls. “Take mine. Put them out the airlock. Evander took all of them. How did that happen? Our guys are better.”
I loved that he was so confident about them. It filled me with warmth for a second before cold took me over. Evander had them? Didn’t that mean they would soon be dead? “Trade me.” I spoke the words fast. “Give me to them.”
“No,” they both answered quickly, and I wanted to throw something. Why was it so constantly the case that everyone else could risk themselves for me and not the other way around?
“You know what? I have some fucking self-determination.” Yep, I’d cursed. “Maybe if I say that I want to go trade myself for people that I have—in a short period of time—grown to deeply care about, then that is exactly what I want to do.”
Wade shook his head. “Sorry, Sienna. I know this goes back to when we didn’t listen to what you wanted. But we are listening. We hear you, and we’re saying no because we deeply care about you. Maybe even more than you do about us, because we’ve all been fighting to keep you alive and safe for a long time. Before you were really conscious to know that.” A muscle pulsed in his jaw. “We’d all die to do that. Don’t lessen their feelings or their sacrifice by insisting on invalidating what we’ve done by throwing yourself in front of the exact people who want you. What they would do with you would be so much worse for the galaxy. Do you understand?”