‘There were times when I couldn’t do right for wrong. Like he asked me to go and watch him play rugby and then afterwards he left me standing in the cold for ages while he got changed. When he finally showed up he said he was going out with the lads and I should head home. I was so annoyed and felt stupid too. We had our first row that night when he rang me pissed up and wanted to know where I was. He expected me to go to his house but I went back to my flat and ignored his messages for a few days, you know, saying he was sorry and that he hoped we could start afresh. Stupidly, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.’
Kelly spotted some shuffling in the corner of her eye and one of the women was picking up her bag and folding her coat over her arm. ‘Sorry, love, I just had a text. My Zöe isn’t well and I’ve got to go and pick her up from school. Didn’t mean to interrupt, love, I’ll just sneak out.’ With that she raised her hand and waved sheepishly to the others and then shot off.
Feeling a bit put off, Kelly looked over to Bev, worried that she might be taking too long but when the support worker nodded her head and smiled, Kelly took it as a sign to continue.
8
Once the door had closed and she had everyone’s attention again, Kelly picked up where she left off in the story of her rape.
‘Everything was okay for a while and then one night, for no reason at all, he went weird again. I know now that he was displaying narcissistic tendencies, something I’d never even heard of which is why I let him get away with too much. Anyway, we were going out for dinner and I was looking forward to getting all dressed up so made a special effort. We’d already had some wine and he was drinking beer when I came downstairs, expecting the taxi to arrive any minute. He took one glance at what I was wearing, smirked and said he wasn’t going anywhere with me looking like that.
‘Obviously we had a massive argument. He said awful things about my make-up and clothes so I told him I was sick of him and to piss off. I marched upstairs and started to get my stuff together because no way was I staying there. When he came in and saw me packing he went into a psycho rage, throwing my make-up everywhere and what totally freaked me out was that he wrote ‘slag’ all over the bathroom mirror and walls with my lipstick. I was petrified, especially when he got my new clothes and ripped them into shreds in front of my eyes. He told me I was going nowhere and to stay in the bedroom, then he stormed out and slammed the door. I think I was in shock to be honest and terrified of what might happen if I tried to leave so instead, I did as I was told. He didn’t bother me again and must have drunk himself senseless and then fell asleep on the sofa. I was awake most of the night listening for him coming upstairs and at some point nodded off.
‘When I woke up the next morning and went into the bathroom he’d cleaned it all up and the house was empty so I gathered my things and was about ready to leave when he came back with a shopping bag full of breakfast things. He was so apologetic and begged me to forgive him but apparently he’d just got over his ex walking out and seeing me packing my stuff brought it all back. He blamed the comments about my dress sense on jealousy and said he was paranoid. The thing was he’d really rattled me. I didn’t want to be with someone who had issues and it seemed to me that he really wasn’t over his ex. There was no way I was going to let him take her departure out on me so I let him go on and on but swore to myself I was going to end it.’
There was sweat on the top of Kelly’s lip, it was making her feel uncomfortable so she brushed it away with her finger, wishing at the same time that someone would turn the radiators down because the small room was stifling. After a sip of almost-cold tea, she continued.
‘I made an excuse up and managed to get away. But later that night, from the safety of my flat, I rang him and said I wanted a break. He was surprisingly cool about it and we agreed to a few days apart. I felt suffocated and had already decided to slowly cut down on the nights we were together, to give me some breathing space to work out how I felt about him.’
Kelly was momentarily distracted by the loud and annoying reversing beeps of a vehicle outside but once they stopped, refocused.
‘About three days later he rang and asked if I’d had time to think and if I fancied meeting up so we could talk things through. As it happened I was meeting some friends for a drink that night, not far from his yard and offices so I said I’d call in on my way home. He always worked late on a Wednesday. He said he liked to clear his paperwork up midweek so he could enjoy his weekends. I thought going to his work would be nice and neutral. I walked there from the wine bar – my friends were going on to the cinema.’ Kelly looked down at her hands that she remembered being cold as she’d hurried through the yard towards Stan’s office. Every detail of that night had been committed to memory.
‘When I arrived he’d more or less finished and said he was starving so suggested we got something to eat and he’d drop me off at home. I didn’t want to go to a restaurant so instead we went to the chippy and I thought it best if we ate it in the car. We still hadn’t talked properly and no way did I want to end up back at mine. I needed to iron things out and set a few boundaries.
‘Anyway, we parked up by Salford Quays and began to eat our food but it was only minutes before he asked me if I was going to dump him. When I tried to explain that he was suffocating me and I wanted to take things slowly he snapped. It was awful and I was terrified. He ripped my food off my knee and threw the carton and the contents at the windscreen then threw his kebab on me. That was it. I’d had enough so yanked on the handle and got out of the car. I told him where to go and I was so flaming angry, covered in stinky kebab meat and sauce that I kicked his car, really hard then stormed off. I knew then it was over and he was getting no more chances.’
Kelly uncrossed her legs because she was getting pins and needles and the bloody uncomfortable chair was making her back ache, too. Sighing, she focused on the wall and soldiered on.
‘You know what the really ironic thing is, that everything I told you, he twisted and lied about. When I told the police all this, about his weird controlling behaviour, they questioned him and he tried to make out it was me who was the psycho. They caught me kicking the car on CCTV at the Quays and arriving at his yard. They have security cameras fitted there too, so the scumbag used that against me which is why I hate him even more. I just wanted them to believe me.’
Kelly heard the tuts and mutterings of ‘typical’ and ‘pathetic’ which she knew were aimed at Stan, not her. When she looked away from the extractor fan and caught the eyes of one or two of the women, their shaking heads and disgusted expressions spurred her on.
‘I’d left quite a few personal belongings at his house so a week later I texted him to ask if I could collect them on the Friday after work. I was going away with my dad the next day. We like to play golf together and Mum hates it so now and then we head off to St Anne’s. I wanted my stuff back and then I could forget all about him. He texted back and said it was fine and he’d have it ready so I left it at that. I was a bag of nerves all day and was hoping he’d pass me the stuff at the door but when I rang the bell he asked me to come inside, apologising that he’d not had time to pack it up.