‘As soon as I stepped into the hall I had a bad feeling. He was on edge and smarmy too, then I smelt the food, Indian. He told me he’d bought us dinner as an apology for his behaviour, my favourite, chicken tikka, but I told him I wasn’t hungry and I just wanted my things. I saw the look on his face and knew he was fuming but I brushed past him and made my way upstairs, determined to be as quick as I could. He followed me and I told him I could manage by myself but he kept cajoling me and begging, all the way to the bedroom. He was making my skin crawl to be honest, whining and pleading but I wasn’t having any of it. Looking back I think that’s what tipped him over the edge, seeing me taking my stuff because that’s when he lost it… that’s when it happened…’ Kelly paused, and was on the verge of laying the most sordid of details bare when a piercing noise broke through the enrapt silence of the room.
Each of the women looked at one another and then to Bev for guidance, who quickly rallied and told them the obvious. ‘I’m sorry, ladies but that’s the fire alarm and we have to leave the building. Please leave your belongings where they are and follow Diane towards the exit.’
With that everyone did as they were told and headed towards the door. Kelly was in shock. After being immersed in her story, pacing each sentence so that it made sense, she was now plunged back into the real world and the moment was lost, and that bell was going through her. Its shrill warning made Kelly want to scream so she moved quickly, desperate to get outside.
Once they were in the car park she removed her hands from over her ears and then felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. It was Bev. ‘I’m so sorry you couldn’t finish your story, Kelly… we can continue next time if you feel up to it. I imagine the hardest part was about to come. Are you okay? I know you hate loud noises so that alarm must have rattled you.’ Bev was rubbing Kelly’s shoulder.
‘It’s okay, can’t be helped and I’m fine, I promise… do you think there really is a fire or someone has burnt more toast?’
‘Well, there are no teenagers in the building so I doubt they’ve set fire to the bins again. It’s either a drill or a cooking accident, neither would surprise me. As long as you’re okay, but if you need to talk privately, once they let us in I don’t mind staying for a bit longer. It’s no trouble.’
Kelly shook her head. ‘No, it’s fine, Bev. I’ve had enough of the past for one day. Maybe next time, if I feel up to it.’
Bev nodded and removed her hand, and focused on the arrival of the fire brigade.
While they waited for the building to be checked so they could go back inside to collect their coats and bags, Kelly joined the other women who were chatting in a group, some on their phones, some having a cigarette – they’d obviously thought on their feet and flouted the rules. Kelly was just glad it wasn’t raining like earlier and the thought reminded her of shy Tina. Seeking her out in the crowd Kelly made her way over to check she was okay and maybe invite her to the secret Facebook group she’d set up for victims of domestic violence and rape. It was a great way of keeping in touch and supporting one another when they weren’t in meetings.
When Tina looked up from her phone and saw Kelly she smiled, looked grateful. Maybe she needed some company. Kelly knew that feeling well. Being a victim changed your life in many ways. She hadn’t expected that but gradually it began to dawn on her that people treated and looked at you differently.
Her parents avoided talking about it and overcompensated for the pain and suffering they imagined she’d endured. After all, the last thing they wanted was to hear the nitty-gritty and for this Kelly was glad. That’s why she hadn’t wanted them in court for the evidence. Why make them listen to that? Perhaps they felt guilt, too, about their inability to save their child from such an ordeal. It made them act weird and Kelly sometimes wished that she could turn back the clock and go back to how things were before. But what was done was done and she had to live with it.
It was a similar situation with friends because they also didn’t know what to say to make things better. And men gave you a very wide berth, like you had the plague. Maybe they were ashamed to be male or were they afraid to approach a victim, someone damaged and fragile? Everyone seemed to walk on eggshells, were overly kind or they stared, and probably whispered behind her back. Kelly thought her life would go back to normal afterwards but it soon became very clear that normal was a thing of the past. What happened with Stan had changed everything. Gradually, she’d realised it was time to make new friends, some that understood, who would listen and not try to sweep things under the carpet.
If Tina had time, Kelly was going to invite her for a coffee, and include the other women too, if they wanted to join in. While they watched the comings and goings of the fire brigade, a seed planted itself in Kelly’s brain and, as Tina chatted about where she lived and her kids, an idea blossomed.
By the time they got the all-clear to go back inside it had spread and Kelly’s head was buzzing with bees that hovered over the garden of flowers in her mind. She was going to set up her own group for chatting about fun things, somewhere they could have a laugh and not necessarily discuss depressing stuff like drunken partners and how crap your life was. It would be a new start, a place to make friends, and right now, Kelly needed as many as she could get.
9
Billie couldn’t wait to get inside the car, away from the rain and the stench of that prison. The place had stuck to her skin and hair and clothes so now she was desperate to get home where she could shower and change. But first things first, there was a call to make. Billie would keep it light, positive and informative. The rest she would save until they met. Billie tapped on Sue’s name and waited. When she answered, Stan’s mum didn’t miss a beat. All she wanted to know was that he was okay.
‘Billie, oh thank goodness! Have you seen him? How was he?’
‘He’s fine Sue, honest. He looked well. A bit thinner than last time I saw him but apart from that he was quite positive.’
‘Good, that’s good. I told him he was too skinny and needed to buy more snacks from the shop. He’s got money in his prison account so there’s no excuse, is there?’
‘No, I suppose not.’ Billie’s heart went out to Sue who was still looking out for her boy, regardless of where he was.
Tears began forming again and she needed to pull herself together instead of behaving like an emotional wreck. Rubbing her eyes, Billie pressed on. ‘Anyway, I need to set off for mum’s and if I don’t get my finger out I’ll hit rush hour. She hates me driving over the Woodhead Pass when it’s dark, and this rain never stops, does it?’
Sue laughed. ‘No it bloody doesn’t but you’ll have to get used to it now you’re home, and buy a brolly, too.’
‘It’s on my list, don’t worry, but while I’m on, I was wondering could I come and see you, tomorrow?’ Now Billie had asked the question she half-hoped Sue would say no and as soon as the thought entered her head, she felt guilty and chided herself for it. Running away again, Billie? Always running away.
‘Oh, that would be lovely. Of course you can come! I’d love to see you. What time? I’ll be in all day. You just say.’