He didn’t object to kissing McKay because he was a man. He objected because he thinks he’ll be rejected. And that’s all I really need to know.
So I say, “If they’re not looking at you twice, then you’re just not trying. If McKay doesn’t kiss you back, it’s because you didn’t flip his switch and turn him on.” I reach between his legs and fondle his balls. He breathes out suddenly and his eyes droop a little. “Try a little harder to turn him on, Donovan.”
CHAPTER TWO - McKAY
When Adam’s father sat me down in his office many years ago and told me this crazy story about zeroes, and negatives, and dead twins, I was only half listening.
Not that fully listening would’ve helped me understand what the hell was happening. It wouldn’t. The things he said to me that day just made no sense and there was nothing I could do to change that.
But I was also distracted. I was thinking about what my own father told me before I was taken away. He said, “Core, there are two ways to go through life and both of them require strength and conviction. You can either listen, follow directions, and be invisible to everyone, including your enemies. Or you can buck, and go your own way, and make everyone see you. One is not better than the other. They both have their merits. And you can get where you’re going either way, if you’re strong enough. But you need to decide early which kind of man you will be. Because once people form an impression of you it rarely changes. So decide, son. Do you want to be invisible? Or do you want to be seen?”
By the time I had landed in Louisiana I had made my choice.
I would be invisible.
And so by the time I got into that office I was picturing ways to make it happen.
I wasn’t naïve enough to think my father literally meant invisible, but I was young. So I’m not gonna lie and say that idea never crossed my mind.
I do not hate Adam. Far from it. He is my best friend.
I would die for him, but not for the same reasons he would die for me.
I’m not going to walk away from him. I made my decision back when I was nine and I am nothing if not loyal.
But then Indie came along and everything… shifted.
It’s hard to explain. Nothing changed, not really. I was still on Team Adam. One hundred percent. You don’t bite the hand that feeds you, especially when the person attached to the hand is loyal, the way Adam is.
But buying up little girls… I don’t know. It’s not that much different than buying up little boys, I guess. But then again, everything about it feels different.
I didn’t start up my own team to take over. It wasn’t about replacing Adam. It was about helping him. He wasn’t the same after Indie’s attack in Nathan’s cottage. First of all, she fucked him up good and it took nearly six months for him to even be able to think straight for more than an hour or two at a time. Another six before he had enough physical coordination to make me tap out on the mat when we trained.
It’s not like he always won in the past when we sparred. But I didn’t always win either. We are fairly evenly matched. Hell, we should be. I was chosen to be his equal, his double, his replacement. But when we first started training again after he started getting better, he was… weak. I wanted to stop. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I would wake up every morning at dawn and dread the two hours we had put aside for this every fucking day.
It killed me to see him like that. And I was conflicted about Indie too. For the first time ever I wondered, Is she just… too dangerous? Even for us?
I guess I was running from it. The idea that Adam would not recover. Because it was very clear to me, right from the moment he woke, that even if he did recover, he would not be the same.
Getting attacked by the dangerous thing you fed, and loved, and cared for—how do you trust anything after that?
And Donovan was in my ear the whole time Adam was in the hospital, telling me, “We need to make a move, McKay. We can’t let this Company shit get out of hand just because they think Adam isn’t paying attention.”
He was right, I guess. But that shit got handled quick without our input, because James Fenici showed up and made a little speech that will burn in my memory for the rest of my days.
His exact words to Donovan and me were, “This is the shit show of all shit shows. And I’ve seen my share of Class A shit shows. I’m gonna let her live, but you two fuckups are gonna stand the hell down, do your fucking jobs, and bend over backwards for Adam when he wakes up so he can resume. His. Duties. I will not”—he pointed his fucking finger at our faces and those infamous green eyes of his went feral as they stared us down—“not deal with another leadership change. Do you two assholes understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”
Donovan shut up, I went back to the care and feeding of Indie, Nathan had the good sense to stay the fuck away, and… that was it.
Life went on.
Adam got better.
But I didn’t. I was simmerin’ with anger.
I can admit that now. Years later. Nine, to be exact.
But back then, I didn’t understand what I was feeling. Because Adam never told us he was in charge of anything.
Of course, I realize now, he didn’t know either. It took a while to figure that out. Years. Five, to be exact, after Indie went wild and hit him in the head.
Adam didn’t know. There was some—I don’t know, internal memo maybe?—that Adam was next in line for the throne. Or whatever you want to call it.
He wasn’t really. Not by legal succession. That was James. But James was truly out and he was just using Adam to make sure he could keep it that way.
The Company, man.
They will fuck you over every chance they get.
But they come to your rescue too.
That’s a very hard road to navigate and I might’ve taken a few wrong turns.
Adam and I are out in the pavilion watching the sci-fi series we started nearly six years ago but never finished.
Well, I finished it. Without him.
He stops to ask me questions every few minutes. “So she’s a Cylon?” He’s stretched out on the couch across from me with his legs and arms both crossed. His feet are bare and he’s shirtless. It’s fucking hot out tonight.
“I’m pretty sure you saw that part. We’ve known she was a Cylon since season two.” I’m also shirtless and stretched out on a couch. Maggie was down here with us until Indie came to take her up to bed. And we were watching cartoons until that happened.
“I think I’d remember if I knew she was a Cylon, McKay.”
He’s testy about this show for some reason. Maybe because we were into it and it started out as something we did together, but, like everything else, it didn’t keep going that way.
“I’m not making a disparaging remark about your fucking memory, Adam. I’m just saying. We’re on season three now. You knew that girl was a Cylon.”
I’m starting to get testy back. It’s too fucking hot out here and I’m just about to stand up and go inside when Indie pushes her way through the mosquito-netting curtains that frame the pavilion and walks over to me.
“Donovan wants to talk to you about something. He asked me to tell you because I was on my way out here.”