So, after the accident they decided to get more lovable with me, not that I was complaining at all.
“I’m so happy you are okay, sweetie! I made cinnamon rolls especially for you!”
“Thank you, everyone,” I replied with hands over my heart, relieved. My mom must have taken an oblivion pill and hit her head hard. She didn’t even comment about the dinner.
“Did you sleep well? How are you feeling today? Your injuries look better,” my father said smiling while sitting down with his paper.
“Yes, dad. When was it, that the car hit me? I’m feeling a little confused.”
“Two nights ago. Yesterday you were all day in observation. You are fine now!”
“Lola, don’t forget to take your medicine, the doctor prescribed for you to take every morning. So take it.” My mom seemed to worry about me, but I knew deep down she was trying to distract me so I would forget the dinner conversation.
I gave a little smile, faking that I had forgotten what happened, at least for now. I had a bruise on my forearm and many on my legs, but nothing was bothering me more than that scene at dinner. Both seemed in a good mood, and Rodrigo was giving the milk in his bottle to Koda. All breakfast long, they kept talking about the details for my birthday dinner that night.
When everyone was ready to leave, I put my coat on and asked my father purposefully for a ride to school. It was my chance to talk alone with him, to try and find out if he knew something.
Just like me, his car didn’t like the chill air of the mornings. It was a ritual trying to get the Volvo, which stank like cigarettes, to start. We decided he was going to push the car down the street, and I would try to turn the engine on from behind the wheel. It worked. With a wide smile on his face, he got back in to take the wheel from me, and I jumped to the passenger seat. Before we left our block, I ended his happiness like a razor cut.
“Dad, why was mom so weird when I asked her about my birth?”
He took the foot from the gas, the car ended up dying again. He was still, looking straight forward. His fingers had lost their color from the way he was holding the wheel, so hard he could break it if he wanted. My hands started sweating again. I looked the other way, watching him from the corner of my eyes, without the courage to face him. In fact, his reaction didn’t surprise me, because if my mom knew something, he must know it too.
“LOLA! Are you still going over this? Stop that, take it out of your head. I don’t want you asking this type of thing again, not to me or your mother. Did you hear me?” he asked in a surly tone.
I never saw him talking this way, at least not when he was sober.
“I’m only asking because when I got into the subject mom looked really weird, like something was wrong. Even Auntie Eva was weird.”
“You are imagining things. There is nothing wrong.”
“But you reacted...”
“ENOUGH! I think you are well enough to walk to school. I can fix this alone. GO!”
I slammed the car door and turned the corner as fast as I could to dismiss myself from his view. My curiosity was starting to turn into worry every time I tried to get an answer for this question. The more I stirred, the more it stank. I had to make it clear, while it wasn’t, I couldn’t find peace.
I was thinking about the next move to get any new clues when I was startled by Gustav jumping in front of me coming from behind a wall, laughing to himself.
“BOO! Hahahah, Happy Birthday!”
“Ow, come on, get out of my way!” I replied as nicely as a horse’s kick.
“Wow, why so angry on your birthday?”
“This day sucks, if you want to know.” Gustav put a finger on my wound.
“But it only 7:15 a.m.! Your day didn’t even start yet…”
“I don’t want to imagine the rest of it... aff…” I felt a sharp pain in my right leg which was still bruised and injured.
“How’s your leg? We were in shock about your accident. I’m glad you are almost entirely fine, only missing a little bit of sense in that head, heheheh…”
“Listen to me. Get off my face. Go! Save me from your funny face, not funny at all at this time in the morning.” I threw all my anger on him, he tried to be funny, but I wasn’t in the mood.
“Alright, alright, I’m sorry! I promise to be quiet all the way to school.”
We walked like that, until the gates of Schillerska.
“Good Morning, folks!”
“Good Morning, Mr. Svensson,” said Gustav.
“Hello Lola, are you feeling better?”
I stepped in, so taken by my thoughts that I completely ignored the school janitor, Mr. Svensson.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Svensson, it’s not worth it.” Nodding with his head, Gustav saved Mr. Svensson from starting his morning with a nice answer just like he had.
“I understand. But she seems better, she’s not even limping.”
“Yes, she is. But it is not easy to grow up, you know. Nobody tells us but becoming an adult it is like losing your mother at the train station, forever,” Gustav went on, philosophizing. Mr. Svensson didn’t understand a thing, but kept smiling anyway.
We went to our Swedish literature class. Before we entered the room, I tried to fix my bangs and asked something in a very friendly voice.
“Gus, I need to be alone for a little. I’m not fine, my legs hurt. Just until dinner time, then I’ll be better, ok?”
He nodded, saying yes with his head, even though that wasn’t what he wanted. From his disappointed face, it looked like I was ‘breaking up’ with him. I was never as patient with Gustav’s drama, as he was with mine.
At the morning class, Professor Ingrid Nilsson explained about Fredrika Bremer, a radical feminist author who had been revolted by the sexist society of her time. Sadly, I couldn’t pay attention for more than ten minutes of class. I sank into my chair, only my body was there, my mind was on thoughts of what could have caused my parents’ weird behavior.
At the break, Gustav respected my request and kept his distance, even if he was watching me from afar. Since I didn’t have any friends to talk after lunch, I picked up a science book at the library to distract me. I was sitting on a chilling bench, far away from the people noise, when I heard Emma and her friends getting close, spreading her poisonous laugh. That stinks like a problem. That’s when I felt bump on my back. With the push I was sent forward out of the bench.
“Hiiii Lola. I’m sorry. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday!”
My heart raced only by having him so close. Karl never had looked at me longer than an “excuse me” or to ask when the test would be. When he stumbled over me, I didn’t know if I felt disturbed or surprised. Even though he had touched me. I found it odd indeed that he could have come to me with that excuse of wishing me a Happy Birthday. Could it be he finally noticed my existence? Good thing Gustav was far away enough away to not screw it up.
As I say, life is just like math. If it is easy, it is wrong. Of course, he hadn’t come to me to wish me a happy birthday. Instead, he glued a paper on my back that said, ‘UNLUCKY AND CRUSHED.’ It didn’t seem like it had been his idea, it was Emma’s.
I felt like garbage. When I looked around, everybody was laughing at my disgrace. Karl even came back to hug me, as if he pitied me, it seemed like he had won a bet. This time something burned in my face, and I pushed him away so hard he fell to the floor. The crowd laughed even harder at every move. I picked up my things and went home before the bell, I couldn’t care less for the rest of the classes. It was a horrible day for someone who should be celebrating. While I walked away with my angry firm steps, tears started to drop down my face from nervousness. ‘What a crap birthday this has been. I could go back to sleep and wake up again. Where’s the button to ‘turn off’? Gustav met me on the way.’