The whole time Shane is gone, I pace from one side of the room to the other, not able to talk myself into jumping in the shower for fear of a knife-wielding shadow waiting on the other side of the curtain once I turn my back.
What feels like an eternity later, Shane returns looking worn down and far more tired than he did thirty minutes ago.
“Those boys are no good.” He dumps his boots and the flashlight at the end of the bed. “Your friend shouldn’t be hanging out with them.”
“I know.” I wrap my arms around my stomach, standing in the center of the room. I should get ready for bed, but all I want to do is run into Shane’s arms and let him pull me into a comforting hug. “I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”
“Can’t promise she’ll be here.” He walks past me to the bathroom and grabs a towel to wipe the blood from his face. “Mr. River isn’t fond of terrorizing the kids that come here.”
“Swear I’ll talk to her. Trust me, she wants to stay.”
Shane nods, his gaze raking over me and sending a shiver down my spine. “We should get some sleep. We have the six-mile hike around the lake tomorrow.”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep,” I admit.
Shane smiles and runs a hand through his messy hair. “There’s nothing to be scared of. Stupidity isn’t contagious.”
I shrug off the idea that I’m scared, then do something stupid. I blurt out the first words that pop into my head. “Do you think I can sleep with you in your bed tonight?”
Even on separate sides of the room I can see him swallow. “Ly—”
“Just tonight. If you could feel how hard my heart is still beating, you’d know why I’m asking.”
He’s silently staring at me, eyes ticking between mine. I should let it go. Why put myself into an awkward situation of him turning me down and making it clear once again that he’s not interested in me in the slightest? But my mouth has other plans.
“Come on. We used to have campouts in the backyard all the time. Three people in a two-person tent had us in closer sleeping quarters than a bed. You can shove a pillow between us like Jay used to do if it makes you feel better.”
He squeezed the back of his neck and sighs, but I swear I can see a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Fine. This once. Just this once.” He nods almost to himself, then disappears into the bathroom.
A minute later he reappears wearing a pair of low-slung gray sweats and a blue T-shirt. My mouth goes dry and now I’m rethinking this whole stupid idea. Every reason not to do this comes flooding in, raising my anxiety. I’ve never slept in a bed with a guy before. Sure, we had campouts, but we were preteens. What if I snore? Or drool? Oh God, what if I talk in my sleep and blurt out something embarrassing?
“You gonna change?” Shane sits on the corner of the mattress, making it dip.
Now the thing doesn’t look big enough for one person, let alone two. “You’ve gotten a lot bigger. You never had those muscles before. Did you?” And now I wish that a crazed killer had, in fact, murdered me.
Shane laughs, shaking his head at my idiotic rambling. “Go change, I’ll keep a lookout for Michael Myers or whatever his name is.”
I grab my jammies and bring them with me into the bathroom. I should jump in the shower and wash away today’s grime, but I risk him falling asleep. Then again, that would mean I could slip into my bed and forget this conversation ever happened. Just like he forgot about the kiss.
I brace my hands against the cold steel of the sink and stare at my reflection in the warped mirror. My hair is a mess, pieces hanging out of my ponytail in frizzy chunks. Purple mars the skin under my eyes from the long days and early mornings. Without a stitch of makeup on, I could resemble a zombie. No need for a mask. A shower won’t fix that.
I dump my dirty clothes on the floor, vowing to throw them in the hamper tomorrow, then pull on a pair of night pants adorned with sloths hanging from branches. As if I need another reason to repel Shane. I shrug on a black sweatshirt despite the muggy air, needing a barrier between our skin. I’ve gotten myself into this stupid mess so I might as well try to keep my hormones or whatever is running the show in check.
When I exit the bathroom the lights are out, something I’m grateful for. At least now he can’t see what a total train wreck I am. Pretty sure he’d be able to see my thoughts written all over my face.
I feel my way to the bed as my eyes adjust to the darkness. From what I can see, Shane is lying all the way on the far side of the mattress. He hasn’t said a word and I’m convinced he’s asleep until I slide under the covers and brush my leg against his. He scoots over so fast it’s as if he’s been electrocuted. At this point, he’s got to be hanging off the bed.
“This is stupid. I can sleep in my bed. I think the shock has worn off now.” I lift the covers and go to sit up, but his arm wraps around me and tugs me down, anchoring me to his chest.
For a moment my heart stops beating, but I can feel his racing against my back. If I didn’t know any better, I would think he’s just as freaked-out about this sleeping arrangement as I am. So, instead of giving into better judgment, I melt against him and rest my head on his pillow—one that smells of nothing but him.
“Comfortable?” he asks, so close that his warm breath hits the shell of my ear and makes me shiver.
“Mmm-hmm.” Why did I think I would sleep better in his bed than in mine? I don’t even want to move, let alone breathe, in case the hot dog I ate earlier is still lingering on my breath.
“Do you remember when we were younger and Jay would force you to watch a horror movie with us, then you would refuse to sleep with the lights off?”
I wince. I was a total scaredy-cat. I thought I grew out of it, but judging by tonight, that’s not true. “Yeah, he loved torturing me.”
“Well, I remember how I would wake up and he’d be sleeping on the floor and you’d be all cuddled up in his bed. Every single time.”
“Well, he’s nice to me when no one is looking.”
“He’d do anything to protect you.”
As I try to turn to face him, his arm tightens, trapping me in place. “What brought this up?”
“It’s nothing. Go to sleep.”
Shane lets me go and rolls over so we are back-to-back. Not even a minute later his breathing evens out and there’s no question that he’s dead asleep. The boy always had magical powers when it came to falling asleep in two-point-five seconds flat.
I scoot over to the edge of the bed so I’m not crowding him and stare at the floor. This isn’t the first time Shane has brought up my brother in situations that could be construed as inappropriate. Okay, this kiss was totally inappropriate, but still. It has me wondering if there is more to their bro breakup than either has said.
A tiny part of me wonders if I had anything to do with it. I guess I’ll figure it out when we’re all back in town. It’s not as if they can avoid each other forever.
The truth always comes out.
Shane’s already up and gone when I wake. I roll over to find his side of the bed cold, telling me he rose long before the sun. As for me, well, it took over an hour to fall asleep. It wasn’t just how Shane was lying right next to me, close enough to touch if I moved an inch. But I also spent a good chunk of time trying to figure out what went wrong between him and my brother. The more I think about it, the less it makes sense. Those two were closer than anyone I have ever met—practically brothers. Whatever happened was bad if it broke up their friendship.