And I’m an idiot.
When I go to lean back, her free hand shoots up, wrapping around my neck and keeping me in place.
“I’ve thought about doing that every day since the mistake in your truck.” The way she emphasizes mistake makes me laugh because she’s calling me on my BS without coming straight out and saying it.
“So have I.” My thumb traces the curve of her full bottom lip. “Well, that’s a lie. I’ve thought about that every day for…years.”
Her eyes widen as she rears back. “Years?”
“Years.”
“But…you never…why didn’t you…no way. I would have known.”
A smile tugs at my lips at her incoherent stammering. I did such a great job burying my feelings that not even Jay knew until I came right out and told him, so there’s no way she would have picked up on them.
“And yet, you didn’t.”
“Why did you disappear on me then, huh? You were one of my best friends and then you stopped talking to me. Just like that.” She snaps her fingers, and I wince because of the hurt in her voice.
“It’s complicated.” I try to take a step away but she doesn’t let me, tightening her grip on my neck.
“I’m a smart girl. Pretty sure I can follow.”
Reality comes crashing down and I push her out to arm’s length. “We can’t do this. It…it’s a mistake.”
A wrinkle forms between her brows as she nibbles on her lower lip. I’m aware of how crazy I’m coming off after coming right out and admitting how long I’ve harbored these feelings for her, but this can’t happen. Jay would literally kill me and bury me somewhere in the woods.
“But you said—”
“I know!” I whirl around, yanking the driver’s side door open. “I know what I said but we can’t do this. I’m not good for you. All I’ll do it hurt you in the end. You deserve better.” Jay’s words to me sting just as much coming out of my mouth as they did the night he shoved me out of his house.
“Isn’t that for me to decide?”
Her words stop me in my tracks. Even though it’s a terrible idea. Even though it will crush whatever leftover willpower I possess, I glance over my shoulder into her stormy eyes.
“You’re an amazing person who is always selling himself short. But I’m all grown up now and no one but me gets to dictate what I do. I like you and that’s all that should matter.” She closes the distance and turns me with a gentle hand so we’re chest to chest. “Don’t shut me out again. It hurt too damn much last time and now—”
My lips silence whatever else she was about to say. I don’t need to hear it because I’m feeling the same way. We’re no longer just friends who had a falling-out. No more reminiscing about the good old days. We’ve crossed a line and can’t go back.
If I’m going to hell, I might as well enjoy the ride.
Lyla moans as I pull her close and slant my mouth over hers, deepening the kiss. Self-loathing mixes with need and I can’t seem to control the way one of my hands grips her hip, keeping a few inches between us despite the way she claws at my shirt. My other hand is deep in her hair, tugging her close so that all I can taste and breathe is her.
And what a wonderful mixture it is.
Pure sunshine.
A soft breeze on the warmest day in summer that carries with it the scent of flowers and something else. Something sweet that can never be named but will always trigger memories of rolling through the grass and riding bikes down the road to an adventure to nowhere.
She’s light and beauty and…heartbreak.
She’s everything I’ve avoided as I put up walls to keep people out—to keep the fragile beating muscle in my chest from shattering when another person in my life walks out.
Yet here I am, polarized in my feelings and seconds away from bolting and crushing her before she can crush me.
Just as Jay said I would do.
A throat clears a few feet away and we jump apart. Both of us are breathing heavy and there’s no way to play this off. He caught us red-handed and yet Lyla snaps straight and smiles.
“Hey, Mr. River. What’s up?”
Try as he might, he can’t keep the grin off his face. Here I am like a freaking deer in headlights and she’s going for the you-totally-didn’t-see-what-you-think-you-did angle.
“I was coming down to see if you caught Shane. And apparently you did.”
“Yeah. I was just telling him the excellent news.”
Mr. River’s eyes sparkle as he glances between us. “Sure looked like you two were celebrating.”
Now it’s my turn to smile because the man is nothing if not blunt.
“There are kids waiting.”
“Yes, sir.” I reach into the cargo bed and grab my bag since I guess I’m staying.
Mr. River turns to leave and just when Lyla lets out a sigh, he spins around. “And Lyla, have your stuff moved back to the girls’ cabin by lunch. I don’t want to get sued if you two celebrate again.” With those parting words, he leaves.
Lyla glances at me with cheeks the color of a ripe strawberry. “Well, if we can make it through that uncomfortable situation, I think we’ll make it through telling Jay.” Shaking her head, she jogs off toward camp.
Like a swift punch to the gut, the smile drops from my face and I have to fight to get my legs to work in order to follow Lyla up the hill.
No. This was nothing like telling Jay. Mr. River has no stake in our relationship beyond making sure he doesn’t get sued and the kids are safe.
Jay, on the other hand, will do anything to protect his sister from being hurt. And even after years of not speaking, he will still see me as one thing—a threat.
This time when things blow up Lyla won’t unknowingly be in the middle. She’ll be front and center to the devastation and I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me if she has to choose between me and her brother.
Two days.
Two days have passed since kissing Shane again and asking him not to shut me out once more. Now he seems to be doing everything in his power to avoid me. A complete difference from our mistake kiss when I couldn’t shake him no matter what I did.
I’m back with the other female counselors and besides meals, he’s nowhere to be found. Assignments were shuffled due to losing Dax and Jason, so Scarlett and I were paired for most activities.
I’ve given him space. He seemed shaken after admitting he’s liked me for years. And I’d be lying if I said that admission didn’t shake me as well. But today is the day. We can’t keep doing this, and the butterflies that all but swallow my insides whole whenever I see him demand answers.
Paddles tumble out of the closet because of the hasty way I threw them inside and clatter at my feet. Scarlett jumps at the noise and drops the canoe she was dragging in.
“You scared the crap out of me.” Her hand slams down on her chest with a dramatic huff.
“Sorry.” I bend down, keeping my back to her because I still haven’t told her anything about Shane. Not about knowing him most of my life. Not about the mistake kiss and the genuine one. I’m so scared she will see everything on my face and revoke my best friend card for lying about it.