If Maggie is to be believed, Olive wasn’t the only one who would have liked to marry Conor. As far as Maggie’s concerned the whole village was interested in him. And there they were. All gathered in my house to check out the winner. I’m sure some of them thought I got myself pregnant to trap Conor.
I place the bottle into the warmer and lift Shay into my arms. He smells like hope.
When he’s had enough, I change him and place him back in the crib, where he immediately falls back asleep. He’s such a good baby.
Back in the bed, I pull the duvet tight around my neck and close my eyes. It takes a while but eventually I fall asleep, only to be abruptly woken to the sound of Conor’s phone beeping. Lying still, I listen to him rummaging at my side.
‘Is everything okay?’ I say in a quiet voice.
‘Yes, it’s just the alarm down at the brewery. You go back asleep, I won’t be long.’
Conor pulls on a tracksuit and leaves the room. I stare up at the lonesome star, wondering why the hell he doesn’t get the brewery alarm fixed. That’s not the first time it’s gone off in the middle of the night and Conor is always the one who has to leave his bed and go and sort it out.
The sound of Conor’s car echoes in the silence. It took a while for me to get used to the quiet. The bliss of isolation. In the city, cars passed my window all night long and at the weekend, drunk fools joined them. That’s one thing I don’t miss. But I do miss the convenience of everything. The shops. The cinema. The gym. Everything was within walking distance, including my job. Now I have to make sure I don’t need anything after eight p.m. or I’ll have to drive to the next town which is almost fifteen minutes each way.
I also miss the fact that you could be anonymous in the city. Living peacefully amongst the big crowds with no one knowing who you were. Everyone in this village knows everyone else’s business. They make it look like they’re all one big happy family who would do anything for one another. But there are secrets here. Lurking behind the smiles and expensive clothes. Vicky Murphy’s death proves that. Stabbed with her own knife and left to bleed to death on the floor of her apartment while the perfect little village slept.
And now, someone wants to bring that to my doorstep. To destroy my happiness. And the only person I can talk to about it is Amanda. She’ll help me decide what to do. Amanda has been with me through all my ups and downs, stood by me when no one else believed me. What will she make of this? More trouble. There are times I think it searches me out. No matter what I do, something bad has to happen to spoil it. To bring me down and keep me in my place.
Chapter Nine
I thought I’d be all glamourous and shiny when Amanda arrived: makeup covering my pale face, my hair blow-dried, fully dressed for the day and a Jo Malone scent leaving a trail as I walked down the hall. But no, not to be. Instead, I’m still in my nightclothes. My hair is hanging limply over my pale face. The only smell in the air is baby puke. Amanda called first thing this morning to say she had the morning off work so she’d pop down for a couple of hours to see her little nephew.
Shay has been crying since he woke up at six a.m. and no matter what I do, he won’t stop howling unless I’m rocking him in my arms. I knew it was all too good to be true. Babies are supposed to cry. They’re supposed to make everything you thought you were going to get done that day a distant dream. Conor had to run to the bank first thing so he couldn’t even mind him to let me have a shower. Thank God it’s only Amanda calling.
Her little two-tone Mini comes up the driveway and I can already feel myself relax. Moving to the hall door, I open it and wave. Amanda pulls up outside the house. She’s a good bit smaller than me and skinny as a broom handle. Her smile reaches from ear to ear as she steps out of the car and runs up the steps to me.
‘You look like crap,’ she says, hugging me, careful not to squeeze Shay in the process.
‘And you smell even worse.’
‘Thanks. You look great.’
She laughs, moving her attention to Shay.
‘Hi sweetheart… oh Laura, he is so beautiful.’
‘I know, he’s the best… aren’t you Shay?’ I say, smiling down at him.
Amanda closes the door as we both walk down the hallway.
‘Is Conor here?’
‘No, he had to go out. I hope he’ll be back soon, I feel like I’ve been in these clothes for a week. I need to take a shower.’
Amanda puts her arms out. ‘Here, I’ll take him.’
‘I’m not sure he’ll…’ but when I place him in Amanda’s arms he doesn’t object, no screaming to get back into my arms. He looks comfortable and happy. Go Laura, Go. Rushing out of the room, I glance back to make sure it wasn’t a trick he was playing on me, but he still looks content in Aunty Amanda’s arms.
‘I’ll be quick.’ I call out.
‘Take your time.’
* * *
The hot steam soothes my tired body. With my eyes closed, I lift my face into the gushing water and relax. I’m happy Amanda is easy with Shay. She’s great with Conor too. Always laughing and sharing jokes. They both get on like a house on fire.
Amanda was so happy for me when I first met Conor. She liked him, thought he was perfect for me. Of course when she saw the big house and realised I was dating gold, she was even happier. ‘No one deserves it more,’ she’d said, trying to get me to move on and enjoy what I had, instead of always waiting for the balloon to burst.
I feel so much better now. It’s amazing what a shower can do. I ease myself into a pair of jeans and pick a blueprint shirt from the wardrobe. My hair is tied back, and I dab a little bit of makeup on my pale face. Seeing Amanda groomed to perfection reminds me of what Conor is looking at every day in work. I better keep up.
When I walk into the kitchen, I find Amanda sitting at the counter, flicking through a magazine, my heart skips a beat.
‘Where is he?’ I say.
‘Relax, Mammy. He’s in the crib fast asleep.’
I hurry to the crib and place my hand on his chest to feel his tiny lungs expand. My shoulders slump with relief on feeling the movement. From the other side of the room, Amanda watches me.
‘Are you alright, Laura?’
‘Yes, sorry, just panicked a bit.’
Sliding off the high stool, she walks over, looking into the crib before turning her attention to me.
‘Everything is going to be okay, you know,’ Amanda says, her beautiful blue eyes focused on mine. ‘You need to let go of the past, Laura. Things will be fine.’ She holds my stare for a moment longer before her concerned face brightens with a smile. ‘C’mon, let’s have a coffee, tell me everything.’
When I’ve finished with my petty complaints about unwanted callers and nappies that don’t fit, I apologise for my negativity and ask her to bring a bit of excitement to my day with some of her own news.
The card sits at the front of my mind waiting for the right moment. I don’t want to jump in with the drama straight away because I know things will change as soon as I do.
Amanda sits opposite me. Her face full of excitement as she tells me about her latest flings, the twenty-four-hour party she was at last week and the guy in her office who won two hundred thousand euro in the Lotto but is still first into the office every day.