During our short engagement it never came up, because I was always pregnant. Airports without alcohol just didn’t appeal to me. But now I’m ready – well, I should be in a few weeks – and as soon as I think Shay can travel, or he’s old enough for Amanda to babysit him, I’m going to suggest we take a break away.
With Conor out and Shay sleeping in the crib, the house feels eerily quiet. I’m eager to ring Amanda but she won’t be home from work until after five and I don’t like bothering her during her busy working day. Out in the hallway, I notice two more cards have arrived with the post. I open them straight away. Like ripping off a plaster. It’s not that I’m expecting any more shocks, but I wasn’t expecting the first one either.
Thankfully, they are just regular congratulations, no malice attached. But it does make me think I should check the handwriting on the malicious card. Maybe it will match up with one of these.
The magazine is still sitting on the counter where I left it. The knot in my stomach grows as I reach my hand out. I’m nervous, I don’t want to read those words again, but I have to try and figure out who sent it. Lifting the magazine, I toss it to the side and grab the cards. Two cards. But there were three. Where is the other one? The one with the pink envelope. Grabbing the magazine, I shake it. Nothing. I shake it again. Nothing. Deep breath after deep breath – I try to calm the panic rushing through my body. I check the floor, the bin, the drawers, the presses, pulling and searching for the pink envelope, but I can’t find it. It’s gone. The card is gone.
Chapter Seven
What do I do now? Do I tell Conor about the card? Will he think I’ve gone mad? Will the hormones be brought into the dock? I’m certain I put it with the other cards underneath the magazine. Almost certain. Between pain and painkillers, I’m not sure if I can trust myself.
I didn’t dream it. Did I? No. I saw the card. I remember the fear. I can see the letters. Where the hell did I put it? I look around at the mess I’ve created. Every kitchen press is open including the drawers, and some of the contents are strewn across the floor. I check Shay is still sleeping then hurry to tidy it up.
Everything is back in place, except my heart which is still close to my mouth, when Conor returns. My mind is completely confused now.
‘Everything okay?’ I hear his voice behind me.
‘Yes, everything’s fine.’
‘Shay?’
‘Asleep.’
‘Grand, well I’m going to make both of us a nice lunch. Mam left some ham and salad stuff in the fridge.’
I keep my eyes firmly focused on the magazine I’m pretending to read. ‘Lovely, I’m starving,’ I say.
Conor places a plate of food in front of me on the breakfast bar. In the corner, Shay lies in his crib. Fast asleep. Dreaming sweet dreams, I hope. I wonder what he thinks of me? His mammy. Does he love me yet? Is he able to love yet? Or his daddy, does he prefer him? I know the day will come when Conor will be the centre of Shay’s world. Football, fishing, going for a pint. But for now, it’s all about Mammy. I must remember to enjoy it.
‘Eat up, Laura, you’re only picking at it. You need to build your strength up.’
Conor is right. I need to at least try and finish the food on my plate.
‘It’s lovely, Conor. I’m just not that hungry.’
‘I thought you said you were starving.’
I did, didn’t I? ‘I was earlier, but my appetite seems to have disappeared. It must be the pills.’ Hoping to change the subject, I swivel on the stool and put my arm on Conor’s leg.
‘Well, how are you feeling? Are you delighted with him?’
‘I don’t think I’ve ever been more content in my life. I’m with the woman I love and now we have Shay.’
Tears come to my eyes. I want to believe him. I want it to be true but something doesn’t feel right. The card still haunts me. I have to stop thinking about it.
‘And you?’ he mumbles, stuffing a forkful of food in his mouth.
‘I’m in heaven, Conor. I love you. I love Shay. We’re all together. I love my life.’
Conor smiles. ‘Good. Now eat some more.’
My thoughts are in a twist. Should I tell him about the card? Spoil his happiness? It’s not often I see Conor worrying or stressing out about something and I don’t want it to end.
The brewery takes all his time, and the fact that it’s a family business means that everyone turns to him to solve problems. I’ve suggested to him that he might want to think about sharing the workload, employing a director or something, so he can relax a bit. He can certainly afford it.
Conor wasn’t having any of it, saying he didn’t trust anyone else to make the right decisions for the business. I sometimes wonder about that, why he has to feel in complete control of the place? It’s just his job. Or is it? Half the village relies on the brewery doing well. That’s a lot of pressure for one guy. Especially someone so young, who was thrown in the deep end when his father died. I only ever took a job to pay the bills so I don’t understand the pressure he’s under.
‘What time is the nurse calling at?’ he asks.
‘What nurse?’
‘The community nurse. The hospital said she’d call in to you this afternoon to check on you and Shay.’
‘Oh yes. I don’t know what day of the week it is anymore. I better take a shower… will you stay with Shay?’
Crikey. I don’t remember the hospital saying that. Thank God Conor was paying attention. Those pills must be stronger than I thought. Now I’m beginning to doubt if I read those words in that card.
* * *
Two hours pass. I think I’ve changed Shay’s nappy about five times just to make sure it isn’t dirty when she arrives. What sort of a mother would she take me for? I hope she thinks I’m doing a good job and that Shay is safe with me. The last thing I want is for her to be checking up on me all the time. One wrong move in front of her and that’s what could happen.
Conor is in his office off the hallway when the doorbell rings. There’s a bit of muttering before they both walk into the kitchen.
Nurse Elaine immediately walks over to me and takes my hand, placing her other hand on top of it and introducing herself. She has a nice smile. I’m immediately relaxed.
‘Well, you look good,’ she says. ‘How is Mammy doing?’
‘Mammy’s great,’ I say. ‘Though she’ll be a lot better when these stitches dissolve.’
Elaine laughs. ‘I know. They really are painful but you’ll notice an improvement as each day goes by.’
Moving over to the baby, Elaine dotes on him for a bit before removing his baby-grow and checking he’s still in one piece. ‘Did he arrive on time or did he keep his mammy waiting?
‘He was early actually, by almost two weeks.’
‘Well he’s definitely not suffering from it.’ I smile at her words. I’d been worried my rushing around, refusing to relax had brought on the early labour.
‘You’re doing a great job, Laura,’ she says, to my relief. ‘Keep up the good work.’ Happy with my A-plus, I dress Shay and put him back in the crib.