“You’re always welcome here, Luke. You know this place is as much yours as it is mine. We picked out everything here, including the actual apartment, together. Why do you still walk on eggshells about it?”
“I just want to be respectful,” he said, and I saw a muscle in his jaw twinge.
“I know that, but you don’t have to be. That’s the whole point. If I had it up to me, you’d live here with me, or I with you. You mean so much to me, Luke. Don’t you know that?”
“I do,” he conceded. “Of course, I do.” His hand slipped around mine, our fingers lacing together as he stared at me.
“So, you’ll come to me next time? Instead of staying at the hospital?”
“Who’s to say there’ll be a next time?” He was avoiding the question, as usual.
“There’s always a next time,” I said. We both knew it was true. His sister was difficult to live with, at best, and the two seemed to fight more often than not. I didn’t understand how someone in her predicament could be so ungrateful for all Luke had done for her. He was a better person than I was.
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Fine, next time I’ll come here. I promise.”
I nodded, accepting the small victory, but knowing it wasn’t what I truly wanted to hear. “You know this place is yours, too…whenever you need it.”
He kissed me gently, but there was a coldness there that wasn’t present before. “I know.”
Why couldn’t he need it now? Why couldn’t he want it now? Was my place not good enough for him? He chose it. I picked this apartment instead of the one I preferred, the one closer to downtown and work, because he had such strong opinions about that particular one. “I—I mean, you can stay here any time, permanently even.” My gaze drifted to the floor as I spoke, the words coming out too fast. “Or…you know, I could stay with you some. Maybe having some help with Naomi and Becca would make things easier for you. Relieve some stress…”
His stance was stiff as he looked me over and, suddenly, I wasn’t feeling as confident in the way I appeared to him. I crossed an arm over my naked stomach, drawing his eyes back up to me. “You don’t have to—”
“I’ve actually been thinking a lot—” We spoke at the same time then stopped, and he laughed, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck.
“Go ahead,” I said.
“I’ve actually been thinking a lot about that. About…you know, moving in with each other.”
My heart flipped in my chest. Is he serious? If this was a joke, it was incredibly cruel. “You have?”
His eyes brightened, the tension leaving his shoulders in an instant as heat rose in my chest. “Yeah,” he said. “I think it’s something we should really consider. I mean, not right now, of course. I’ll have to get Naomi settled somewhere new, somewhere close by, so I can keep an eye on her and still help with Bec when needed, but it’s time that I moved on with my own life, right?”
I touched his chest, my heart fluttering as I stared into his dark eyes. It felt like my chest could burst with joy. “Yes, you deserve it, Luke. Oh, you really do.” I leaned into him, hugging his wet torso. It took an extra second for his arms to fold around me, his cheek resting against my scalp. He took a deep, thoughtful breath, our bodies moving together as we stood there, just existing together for the longest time.
I’d never been so happy, but I couldn’t help wondering if he felt the same. Based on his silence the rest of the night, I didn’t think so.
Chapter Twelve
Alaina
Knock, knock, knock. I felt the thumps rather than heard them and pulled off my headphones, staring at the clock. He’s early. I grabbed the envelope of cash on the entertainment center and crossed the room, shoving the paintbrush into the pocket of my apron. I swung open the door and gaped at him—the wrong him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?” Lucas asked, eyeing the envelope. “Expecting someone else?”
I nodded. “Mr. Andino.” My landlord. “It’s the first.”
He stepped across the threshold and into my living room. “If you pay with a check, it helps keep things straight and you have proof it was paid.”
“I prefer cash,” I said stiffly. It was just like Lucas to correct such a menial task. His way was always the best. Truth was, Mr. Andino was the best landlord I’d ever had. If he requested payments in cash, it was no problem for me. I’d never be able to tell Lucas that—he’d surely pick apart my landlord’s motives for needing all cash payments, motives I cared nothing about. We were all just trying to get by.
His shoulders rose and fell with a heavy, weighted breath. “I’m sorry about the way I handled things the other day.”
I glanced down at my paint-stained fingertips and picked at the paint underneath my fingernails, refusing to meet his eye. I won’t give in this time. I wouldn’t. “Okay.”
“Are you, er, I mean, are we…okay?”
My vision narrowed at him, my arms tossed down at my sides. “Do you have an answer for me?”
His jaw locked, and I caught the tiniest hint of a smile, my stomach turning to stone in an instant. “I…look, I want to make it up to you.”
“That’s not an answer, Lucas.” I crossed my arms as I watched him. I could nearly see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to think his way out of the mess he’d made, but I wouldn’t let him. “Why did you even come here?”
“I wanted to make it up to you,” he said, still not telling me what I wanted to hear. I stared at him, waiting. “I thought maybe we could go out of town for the night. I’m off today and tomorrow, so we could go for a hike up at Rock Island, maybe? You could bring your supplies and paint the sunset.”
My heart fluttered at the idea, though I struggled to maintain my composure. “Why would we do that?”
He stepped toward me, and there was a pull from somewhere deep inside my stomach. I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t. I wanted to resist him, but I wouldn’t. “Because I feel bad for what happened. I’d had a rough day at work, but I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m allowed to have an off-day, right?” His tone was light, but I knew what he was doing. He wanted me to admit I was wrong for snapping like I had, that this was all somehow my fault.
“You have to decide if you want this…all of this. Me. This baby. You have to decide, Lucas. I can’t make the decision for you, and I can’t keep going without knowing what you—”
“I want the baby,” he said, reaching for my arms. I didn’t stop him as his thumbs caressed my skin. I was nearly crying at the sentence. “I want all of it—you, our family. I want to be with you, Alaina. You know that. You shouldn’t have to question it, and I’m sorry I made you. I gave you a ring—” He lifted my hand, looking for it, then glanced at me.
“I don’t wear it when I paint.” My expression was empty, hoping he’d believe that was the only reason. I hadn’t worn it since he left, though it had taunted me from its hiding place in my drawer.