“Fine,” he said. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake.”
I stayed silent, suddenly unable to find the words to say anything in response. He couldn’t be serious. What had happened at work to put him in this bad of a mood?
“I’m going to go back to the hospital for the night. I can’t…I can’t be here.”
“Lucas, wait…” It was my birthday, I wanted to remind him. Instead, he continued to walk, and I made no further attempt to stop him. My husband’s shadow disappeared down the hall, and I listened to his footsteps traveling down the stairs and out the front door. When it slammed, I let out a heavy sob just as Becca’s voice carried down the hall.
“Mom?”
Chapter Eleven
Clara
When I walked into the locker room, Luke was already there, his hair messy with sleep, and he had a mug of coffee in his hand.
“I thought you weren’t in this morning?” I asked, looking at my watch. He wasn’t scheduled for surgery for a few hours, but I wouldn’t tell him I knew that down to the minute.
He shook his head, taking a sip of the coffee and releasing a loud breath. “I came in late last night and crashed in the on-call room.”
I looked over at the few other doctors around the room, surprised he’d admit that so openly. It was generally frowned upon to use the on-call rooms unless you were actually on call. “Did you get called in for a surgery?”
He stood and moved toward me as I hung my purse and jacket in my locker. “Nah, long story. Naomi and I got into it, and I just needed to get out of there. I was hoping to get a surgery to take my mind off it, but that didn’t happen.”
“Why didn’t you call me?” I asked, lowering my voice even more. “You know you could’ve come over. My bed is much more comfortable than the on-call bed. You know that.”
He tugged at a piece of my hair. “I know. I didn’t want to bother you. It was late.”
“Luke,” I said, huffing out a breath. “You’re always welcome at my house. It’s why you have a key. Even if I’m not home, if you need somewhere to go, you go.” I stared at him until he met my eye, but he finally did. “Deal?”
“Deal.”
I wanted to kiss him, but I resisted the urge. “Do you want to come by tonight? Let things cool down at home?”
He pressed his lips together. “I work late.”
“So? Come by when you get done. I’ll be there.”
He nodded, his expression filling with warmth. “Are you sure you want me there?”
“I always want you there,” I said, and it was the truth. He smiled.
“Okay, thanks. I’ll come by.”
With that, he cupped my jaw and rubbed a thumb across my cheek quickly, his touch warm on my skin. He pulled his hand away as quickly as he placed it there and headed from the room. I grabbed my scrubs, my body pulsing with energy and adrenaline. Oh, what that man does to me…
I heard him coming through the front door, and though the apartment had been dark for hours, I was far from asleep. I’d been waiting anxiously like I was a teenager preparing for my first sleepover with a boy. It was always like that with Luke. Twelve years in, and every moment with him felt like the first time.
I listened as his footsteps carried across the apartment, hearing him easing himself into the bedroom. I sat up with a light, easy smile, pretending he’d woken me.
“What time is it?” I asked, as if I hadn’t been staring at the clock for the past hour, counting down until he was there… And half wondering if he would be.
“Just past eleven,” he whispered, pulling his scrubs off and tossing them to the floor. He opened the bathroom door and walked in, stark naked. I couldn’t stop my eyes from traveling down the length of his body and back up again. He turned on the walk-in shower and looked himself over in the mirror. He was always doing that—checking himself out like he was God’s gift to women. It made me feel guilty for doing the same. At least one of us should have their head on straight about his beauty…and it wasn’t going to be him. It was one of the reasons we butted heads when I first started working.
He glanced over at me, obviously appreciating my stares, and his brows shot up. He grinned. “Wanna join me?”
I climbed from the bed without much coaxing, trying to hide the growing smile on my lips. “How was work?”
“I don’t want to think about that right now,” he said, shaking his head as he lifted the silk nightgown over mine. His eyes trailed down my body. There was a time when I was so embarrassed and self-conscious about the way I looked, sagging here and there, wrinkles where they weren’t before, but with Luke, I was so comfortable now that I didn’t care. He knew every inch of me. He knew where I was ticklish and where my body dimpled. He knew the ways I like to be touched.
He pulled my hand, dragging me into the shower and directly under the spraying water with him, oblivious to anything else. We kissed in the shower like two teenagers kissing in the rain. It was fearless, passionate, and carefree in a way I’d never been loved by anyone but him.
He cupped my neck, his long fingers wrapped in my hair as he sank further into my kiss. Kissing him was like breathing—so easy and instinctual I wanted to do very little else when I was with him. He ran his lips across my jawline, and I let out a moan. I’d never felt this good—not with anyone else, not even close.
“I love you,” I whispered, my body hot with desire as the steam billowed around us.
“I love you, too,” he said, his hands moving to explore my body. I could lose myself with him. Sometimes, I think I already had. Very little else mattered to me when he was around. For so long, my friends and parents had questioned why I stayed with someone who refused to commit in a serious way, but the fact was, I didn’t need commitment when I had Luke. It sounded crazy, believe me I know, but being with him was the easiest thing in the world. However I could have him, that was how I would. I followed his timetable. When you were my age, that was what you did. So many men were afraid to settle down. They were set in their ways, and there was very little you could do to bring them out of it. With Luke, he bent me to my breaking point but knew just when to give. It was intoxicating. His love made me feel alive, and wasn’t that worth a little risk?
“Where’s your head?” he asked, pulling away from me with concern, and I realized I’d been thinking so much I’d stopped reacting to what he was doing.
I shook my head, rubbing my eyes. “Sorry,” I said. “I’m just…nothing. Still half asleep, I guess.” I grabbed at his face, trying to continue what I interrupted, but his hands left my body and I knew he didn't believe me. He knew me too well.
“Something’s bothering you.” He seemed almost hesitant to ask.
“I…I just hate that you stayed at the hospital and didn’t come here last night,” I said, grimacing. I really, really didn’t want to fight.
“I know I should’ve come here, but I just hate showing up unannounced, and I didn’t want to call you and wake you up.”