But—that doesn’t mean anything, I said. They just drove her home. It’s not a crime to leave a jacket.
Coach nodded. I know, he said. That’s exactly right.
We talked about it for a while. We talked about Max, a little, but Coach knew that Richard was my oldest friend, so mostly we talked about Richard. Richard’s got a bright future serving our country, he said. I talked to Representative Patterson’s office about him just this week. Richard had to get a letter of recommendation from a local congressman for his application to the Naval Academy, and he’d been stressing about it all fall. I couldn’t believe that he might lose that just because he’d hooked up with a crazy drunk girl. But Coach was serious as a heart attack. It’s politics, he said. But that’s how it works. They’re gonna come out of the woods. And not just for Richard and Max. For all of you boys on the team.
They were coming after us because she’d hooked up with a couple of guys? They wanted to punish us for her drinking too much, for her being easy? When there were assloads of kids doing stuff like that every night of the week. Just because Richard left his jacket behind, because she was too drunk to get inside and he didn’t want her to be cold. It was worse than the laser pointer, which was just an arbitrary rule. And maybe Max deserved it, karma-wise. But Richard didn’t. Richard was my oldest friend, and he was a little soft, and whatever he did it was only because the girl wanted to hook up with Max—she had let him rub her shoulders, she had gotten into the car. And anyway, if she’d tried to commit suicide, didn’t it only prove that she was unstable, the kind of person who drank too much and regretted it after?
I didn’t understand this world, I thought, where everyone just wants someone to blame, when all of us have enough to deal with as it is.
The crazy thing was, the girl didn’t even want to get Richard and Max in trouble. It was her mother, Coach said. She did the whole cry-for-help thing because people wouldn’t stop teasing her. So really, we’re all on the same page. We want the same thing the girl wants. We all just want this to settle down.
Right, I said. I leaned forward and put my fist on the desk. I wanted Coach to know that I was serious. I wanted him to see my commitment. I wanted to do the right thing.
I felt like a man. I said, What do you need me to do?
* * *
• • •
THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Saturday, Haley called and asked if I’d give her a ride to the mall. She had to buy a birthday present for her dad.
And I was thinking maybe we could talk a bit, she said.
Sure, I said. I was so nervous I worried my voice was going to crack. I hadn’t talked to Haley in weeks, and I thought she didn’t like me anymore. Yeah, I was going to the mall today anyway, I said. I was thinking about seeing a movie.
Oh, cool. Yeah, Scream 3 just came out, she said. I’m dying to see it.
That’s so awesome, I said. Amazing. Yes.
I could barely speak to her on the drive there. She looked out the window. A song came on the radio that I liked. I like this song, I said, but Haley just kind of said mm-hmm. I was sure I was fucked.
But in the mall, it was a little easier. We walked by racks of T-shirts and flip-flops. We went to the bookstore and to a store that sold only teapots. I saw guys look at Haley, then at me, then away. I made myself look them in the eyes. Yeah. She’s with me, I said to them, in my mind.
We had a good time. Haley was a good time. She made fun of this stupid T-shirt and the kind of person who would wear it. I made a joke about a teapot, I did the I’m-a-little-teapot arms, it made her laugh. She bought a book for her dad about the Civil War. Does your dad love the Civil War? she said. My dad is crazy about the Civil War.
Yeah, I said, but only to keep her talking.
In line at the movies I asked what the first Scream was about. Is there anything I need to know before I see this one? I said.
Haley stared at me. “You haven’t seen Scream?” she said.
So I laughed and said I was joking. Of course I saw Scream, I said. I saw it twice.
Haley laughed and kind of punched my shoulder. God, Nick, you fooled me. For a second I don’t know what I thought, she said.
Ha ha, I said. Yup. There’s no way this one will be good as the first, I said.
They’re all good, Haley said. She kind of punched me on the shoulder again, in a way that let me know we were all good. She even let me buy her a Mountain Dew.
So you like scary movies, huh? I asked her.
Yeah, I love them, she said, and I loved the way she shrugged when she said it. I loved how she drank soda, she wasn’t one of these girls who always make a big deal about calories. She was easy to be around. She was so pretty.
I’ve been wanting to ask you something, she said. Our elbows were almost touching on the armrest between us. An ad on the screen was trying to sell us another Mountain Dew.
I want to ask you something, too.
Oh, okay. You go first.
I panicked. For a wild second I thought she was about to say that she was falling in love with me. I thought about saying something emotional first, maybe that’s what she really wanted. Something like I really like you. But I chickened out. No, you go first.
No, you. Then she laughed. I’m just kidding. I’ll go first. It’s this whole thing with Max and Richard. I’ve been really wanting to talk to you about it. I know Max is a jerk, but what about Richard?
The lights in the theater went off and a trailer started playing. I leaned closer to her, smelled strawberries. Yeah, I whispered. Richard is a good guy.
So he didn’t really . . .
Didn’t really what?
She was looking at me, but it was dark, so I couldn’t read her expression. Richard is my oldest friend, I said.
She didn’t say anything. I thought she just needed me to explain. It’s not like everyone is saying, I said. That’s just a dumb story. You just can’t understand the pressure he’s under, that we’re all under.
She laughed. I decided that maybe, yes, okay, what I said could have been a joke. I forced a laugh, too, but then her eyes were wide. It had been a sarcastic laugh, I realized.
You think I don’t understand pressure?
Yeah, you know how it is. I turned to face her. I thought about taking her hand but didn’t. I know you do. We’re scrutinized for every little thing. Every little thing gets all blown out of proportion.
What do you mean?
I just mean, people are coming out of the woods for Max and Richard.
Wait. She looked away. She pushed her hair out of her face. Wait.
She was quiet for so long I wasn’t sure she was going to continue, and then she said, in a different voice, really agitated now, “What you’re saying is, you’re saying they’re allowed to rape a girl because of pressure?”