It was funny, but it wasn’t as funny as it should have been. And not just because Richard got pissy about it. Jokes just weren’t that funny anymore. Our first seeded game was in March and my face-off percentage was still hovering around fifty. College applications were due in January. Some of us had applied early decision and been wait-listed. One guy got flat-out rejected. There was a weight on our chests that wouldn’t lift no matter how fast we ran at practice.
But, there was a glimmer of hope. The Party WAGLER was at Dave’s house. It was the first party at Dave’s house since the legendary party.
Dave’s parents didn’t trust him anymore. They’d hired a house sitter, a girl from the community college. So we all pooled our money to pay her off, and Dave promised we’d keep the noise down and clean up after, that it would stay under control.
We had high hopes. We wanted this party to be great. Of course we all acted like every party was great. But we really spread the word about this one. We wanted everyone to be there. Haley had already heard about it when I invited her. But she said she hadn’t decided whether to go or not. She told me to convince her. I told her there would be beer and not just vodka but good vodka. I don’t drink, she said.
Yeah, but you smoke weed, I said.
She said, So? And I said there would be plenty of weed, too.
I hear there will be dancing, she said. I hear we’re gonna do the Waggler.
Well, some people might do the Waggler. If they’re feeling reckless. It’s a powerful dance.
Will you do the Waggler?
If you come.
She smiled at me and kind of squinted, like she was thinking hard. She didn’t say anything. I said, So. Will you come?
She said, “Nah, sounds boring.”
I must have looked like an idiot.
I’m just teasing, she said. I’m going. Could you give me a ride? I was gonna ride with Georgia but she’s grounded.
When I got to Haley’s house I had to go to the door and say hi to her mother, of course, and her mother had to go on and on about how tall I was now. She asked whether I knew Haley had been selected to be the teen columnist for the local paper starting in the spring.
Mom, Haley said.
“The column is called Teen Scene, and she even gets paid.”
Mom! Haley looked at me, rolling her eyes. It’s no big deal.
I thought again how cool Haley was, how smart.
“Lee, come on, you should be proud,” her mom said.
I wondered if I’d ever get to call her Lee. That’s really great, I told Haley. And it was great. We should celebrate. Want to get a milkshake before the—
Haley jumped in and said, Before the movie? It’s a ten-thirty movie, so we’ve got time, right?
Right, I said. Before the movie.
I shook Mrs. Moreland’s hand as we left, which made her laugh. “You’ve always been such a sweetie, Nick,” she said. She still saw me as a little boy. I wanted to say something back to her, prove myself, but I didn’t know what. So I just smiled and we left.
The milkshake thing was a good idea, it turned out. I wanted some time alone with her anyway. We went to the Greek diner, and Haley complained about her mom. It seems like she’s really proud of you, I said.
It’s suffocating, she said. She asked if my parents were a pain, too. I said I guessed so.
I felt, as we finished our milkshakes, that things were going well. As she wiped her mouth with her napkin, I thought about her blowing me. It was going to be great. There was no reason to worry about it. I ran my hand over my head. My hair was getting long. I needed to buzz it again. I needed to get Haley high. I had a joint saved for her, in an Altoids tin in the glove compartment of my car. I wanted us both to relax, so we could talk more, better, about real things.
She let me pay and then touched my arm when she said thanks. When we got to the party, she went over to say hello to some friends, but said that I should find her later. It was okay. Things were going well.
I guess it was around ten at that point. I went over to talk with Richard and ask what had happened so far. Nothing much, he said. I nodded and looked around; one of the private school girls was dancing, all by herself in the middle of the room. She was really out of it. Hey, pussy dick, out of my way, Max said, right in my ear. I’ve got a new goal. He slapped my butt and pushed past, approaching the private school girl to dance with her. He raised his arms in the air, beside her but not touching her. Slowly, like he was raising them through jelly.
How about you, I said to Richard. Got any goals for tonight? I said it to be encouraging. No judgment. Richard was my oldest friend, but part of me always wondered if he was gay. Not like he acted gay. He just never made a move.
I’m going to see what turns up, he said. Which was what he always said. Which was why he never had a girl. Girls didn’t just turn up. I was no expert, but everyone knew that.
Cool, cool, I said. We both took sips of our beers. It’s not like I could judge Richard anyway, with Haley on the other side of the room and me trying to figure out what I was going to say when I went over to talk to her again.
The party was fine. Of course, it wasn’t legendary. Dave kept running up to people and making jokes about the Waggler. He kept trying to get people to do shots. Some of the private school girls were really drunk. The girl who had been dancing stopped being able to dance. She had to sit down. She was laughing, but her eyes were closed as Max rubbed her shoulders on the couch. (He was the exception to the rule, I guess: girls turned up for Max.)
Mostly people were just talking, though. I realized I was hanging back, watching. I felt suddenly urgent, like I was once again letting a good time get away. I resolved not to let my life be that. I went to find Haley.
She was talking to some private school girls. I touched her shoulder. When she turned and saw it was me, she smiled. I said something, I don’t remember what. Then we were walking to the edge of the woods behind Dave’s house. We went to sit down but the ground was cold, so I grabbed a couple of cushions from the chairs on the deck and set them down for us, and Haley sat right next to me, the arm of her jacket touching mine. As I dug the joint out of the plastic bag in the Altoids tin, Haley said that she only ever needed a single hit to get high. I always stop after my first hit. So this is your lucky day, Nick. I’m a cheap date.
I lit the joint for her. Just like she said, she took one drag and then passed it back to me. It drove me crazy in every direction. I took a hit. She exhaled, the smoke curling around her face. She put her head down on her arms on her knees, her thin body folded in on itself. She made me want to take a train trip through Europe. She was a long-distance runner. All state. I realized everything about her was that feeling. Only needing one good hit. Running forever. I wished she would just let loose. And I wished I could be more like her.