Patsy didn’t look like she was going anywhere. She pulled a notepad and pen out of her purse and went to stand by Coil.
“I can write in shorthand,” she said. “I’ll document. You just ask the questions.”
Coil pursed his lips, but must’ve decided it wasn’t worth the battle. “Where did you come across the body?
“Not too far,” Hazel said. “I guess we’ve had him in the car a good twenty minutes.”
“So you were probably in Bell County,” Coil said.
Hazel brightened as Patsy was furiously documenting the conversation word for word.
“Oh, I know we were in Bell County,” Hazel said, nodding. “We’d just passed the Now Entering Bell County sign, and Brenda commented because it looked like someone had taken a baseball bat to it. It was all crooked and dented up.”
“I know the one,” Coil said. “Good observation.”
Hazel actually looked like she was trying to smile. Agatha hadn’t seen anything but a scowl from Hank’s oldest sister since she’d arrived.
“That’s a good place to start,” Coil said. “Why don’t you tell me what happened after you came into the county.”
“Well,” Hazel said, “I was driving because everyone else drives too slow, and it’s my van. I passed a cop in the last town, and I think he got me on his radar, so I hurried up so I could get in the next county. In my experience, giving cops a potential of a lot of paperwork keeps them off your back.”
“Hmm,” Coil said, looking at Hank with a raised brow.
“So I’m going along at a pretty good clip, and I come up on this hearse,” Hazel continued. “I was about to pass them when the back door just swung open and a naked man fell out right in the middle of the road. He took a good bounce off the hood while I was slamming on the brakes, and then he kind of shot forward like one of those crash test dummies. And the brakes on Ol’ Justine aren’t what they used to be, so we rolled right over him, and he kind of got stuck under the wheel.”
“Then what happened?” Hank asked.
Agatha wanted to know too. Talk about truth being stranger than fiction.
“There wasn’t any traffic and we were parked kind of caddywompas, so Patsy got out to see what was what. She’s not squeamish at all. She watches all those serial killer documentaries.”
“What did the hearse do?” Coil asked, trying to keep things moving.
“That’s what I’m telling ya,” Hazel said. “Those fellas sitting in the back of the hearse looked real surprised when the dead guy fell out, and I could see them yelling and waving their arms. The driver slammed on the brakes and the guys in the back went tumbling donkey over elbow out the back. They weren’t wearing seat belts.” She pinched her lips together disapprovingly.
Coil’s lips twitched. “I bet that was real scary for y’all.”
“That wasn’t the scary part,” Hazel said. “I’ve run over lots of people. The two guys that fell out the back were kind of rattled so they sat there a minute. But the two guys in front got out and looked like they were mad enough to spit nails. They were all dressed like the people in that movie.” She snapped her fingers a couple of times. “The one with Will Smith and the aliens.”
“Men in Black?” Agatha asked.
“Yep, that’s the one,” Hazel said.
“I love that movie,” Patsy said, continuing with her shorthand. “But get to the good part, Hazel. I’m sweatin’ like a Baptist in a dance hall.”
“Right,” Hazel said. “Well, they all started yelling in some funny language, and then the driver pulls out a gun plain as day.”
“No way!” Agatha said with a gasp.
“Don’t interrupt,” Hazel said. “This is the good part. All I can say is it’s a good thing I had my handbag.” She held the handbag in question up and shook it.
It looked more like a piece of luggage than a handbag to Agatha.
“Why’s that?” Coil asked cautiously.
“Because I’ve got old Jimmy Dickens in here,” Hazel said.
“I’m so confused,” Hank said softly.
“Jimmy Dickens is my .44 revolver,” she said. “I threw open my door and took cover just like they do on the shows. When he raised his gun, I was ready. Kapow! He got a shot off, but it pinged off the front of the car. He was a terrible shot. I got him center mass, just like they taught me in my class.”
“Oh God,” Hank said, rubbing his hand over his face.
“You shot a man center mass with a .44?” Coil asked.
“I’ve got the proof right here,” she said, pointing to her black eye. “Jimmy Dickens always did kick like a mule. It’s not my first shiner.”
“What happened next?” Coil asked.
“I think it surprised them,” Hazel said.
“I imagine so,” Agatha said dryly. Most criminals probably didn’t expect for seventy-year-old women to fire large handguns in their direction.
“The bullet didn’t take him down,” Hazel said. “He was pretty tough. The other three helped him get back in the hearse and then they drove away. They were gone, lickety split. I don’t know much about gunshot wounds, but if I was them I’d have headed straight to a hospital.”
“I’ll have my guys check,” Coil said. “What direction did they go?”
“They just kept driving straight,” she said, shrugging.
“You said they spoke a foreign language?” Coil asked. “Any idea where they were from?”
“Nope,” Hazel said. “They looked like bad guys. They all had dark hair, and that swarthy European look.”
“Did the men act like the body was important?” Coil asked. “I mean, did it seem like they might have pushed the body out, or did it fall out by accident?”
“It was definitely an accident,” she said. “The guys in the back tried to reach for him, and they sure did look surprised when that door swung open.”
“You think you can show us where this happened?” Coil asked.
“Sure, but I’m not riding in the back of a cop car,” Hazel said. “Been there, done that.”
Chapter Three
“You sure this is the spot?” Hank asked Hazel from the rear seat of Coil’s pickup truck. Agatha was next to him, and Hazel sat snug as a bug in the plush leather passenger seat of Coil’s truck.
“Do you think I could ever forget where I almost died?” she asked.
“No, I’m sure you wouldn’t,” Hank said.
Coil grabbed his police radio and called out to Springer and James to position their police vehicles about a half mile on each side of the scene and put out cones. Traffic was light, so things would be kept moving in the far lane. Lieutenant Maria Rodriguez was carrying Hank’s other sisters.
Hank wasn’t a fan of sitting in the back seat either, and he hopped out of the truck before Coil had stopped all the way. He helped Agatha climb down, and then reached out for Hazel, and they all gathered in front of Coil’s truck.
“Listen up,” Coil said to everyone. “This is going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack. We had two weapons fired. One of the bullets hit its target, but the other could be anywhere. Look for casings, skid marks, skin, or blood. And anything else that we can take as evidence. We’ve got a man with a bullet in him running around somewhere. I want updates on hospitals with anyone who was admitted with a GSW. Let’s get this done before traffic picks up and people start throwing stuff at us.”