He let out a sigh, his shoulders sinking with relief. “Okay, good. I just wanted to be sure.”
He seemed lighter now, his face a pale pink and illuminated. It was as if he may float up to my ceiling if I didn’t hold him down. “Was that why you came by?”
He nodded hesitantly. “Sort of, yeah.”
“Ben, you could’ve called and asked,” I said as he stood, our visit obviously at an end.
“I know, but I really did want to see you.” Is he lying? Is he always?
I stood too, leaning into his kiss as he leaned over the desk toward me. At the last moment, I turned my head slightly, so his lips landed on the corner of my mouth. I looked at Gray. “I love you.”
Ben backed up, gripping the stroller’s handles. “We love you, too, Mama.” I stepped toward the door and pulled it open so they could pass through, running my hand over my sleeping child cautiously. They made their way toward the door, being greeted by enthusiastic waves and silent goodbyes from my coworkers, each enchanted by the beautiful baby I’d made with the best liar I knew.
If he thought he could continue to lie to me, he was in for a surprise. I’d find out the truth, and I’d use it to ruin him. I wasn’t going to be betrayed again. I’d let myself get walked all over for months before gaining the courage to walk away. I’d worked too hard to build myself up again to let another man destroy me. I’d learned my lesson with Nate. It was time for Ben to learn his.
Chapter Nine
When I made it home that afternoon, the apartment smelled of warming cheese and spices, a sure sign that Ben had a casserole in the oven.
I pushed open the front door, shocked to see them lying on the floor. Ben held Gray over his head, laughing as the baby giggled in his arms. “Hey, sweet boy,” I said, dropping to the floor next to them. Ben pursed his lips, waiting for a kiss, but I pretended not to see, turning my attention to Gray immediately. “Did you have a good day?” I took him from Ben’s arms, and he sat up, not missing a beat and resting his back against the couch. “Was he fussy any more?”
Ben shook his head. “Say ‘not at all, Mama’,” he teased. “He was the perfect angel.”
“Of course he was.” I rocked back and forth, patting his back as he bobbed against my shoulder. “He’s a little gentleman, aren’t you?” I said, moving to stand up and lifting my nose in the air. “What’s for dinner?”
“Broccoli and chicken casserole,” Ben said, pushing up from the couch and making his way into the kitchen. I could hear the oven open without turning around to see him do it. “And it looks about done. How was your day?”
I nodded, kissing Gray’s head. “Smells delicious.” When I turned around, Ben was placing a potholder on the counter. “My day was fine, nothing too exciting. They all raved over Gray after you left.”
Ben gave a crooked smile as he pulled the casserole from the oven and fanned a hand over it. I could see the cheese bubbling from where I stood.
“He was fine the rest of the afternoon. No more fussing, no more gas. I guess he just needed to see you.” He spun around, opening the fridge and pulling out a pitcher of fresh lemonade. It was my dinner drink of choice throughout my pregnancy and now that I was nursing, and Ben made sure to always have a fresh glass ready for me. He set it down. I was so conflicted, finding it hard to find the line between this man who doted on me, waited on me hand and foot while I was recovering, cried when he held our son for the first time, and the man who would throw that all away to cheat on me. Throughout our time together, Ben had been the perfect way for me to get over my disastrous end with Nate. He’d been everything Nate wasn’t. Kind, compassionate, understanding, a great listener, and, most importantly, I thought he’d been honest. We had the hard conversations up front. He knew about my past, and though he didn’t like to talk much about his own, I knew what mattered. I thought so, anyway. I thought I knew him. “You okay?” he asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
I nodded. “Sorry. I’m fine.”
He stared at me for a moment, as if waiting for me to say more, then stepped back. “Okay. That needs to sit for about fifteen minutes, so I’m going to grab a shower if you’re fine with that.”
I couldn’t tell him how okay with it I was, how much I needed him to give me space, so instead, I turned away with a small nod. He hurried down the hall and shut the bedroom, then bathroom door, and within moments I heard the shower kick on. I set my purse on the shelf near the door and carried Gray toward the couch, so thankful to have him in my arms again.
“I’m not mad at you,” I teased him. “I know you couldn’t help it.” I smiled as he did. “No, I know. I know you didn’t want to go see that horrible woman, did you? No, sweet boy.”
I lowered him to my lap, propping my feet on the coffee table and playing with his soft little feet. His eyes traveled the room, taking it all in with wonder. At his age, he was seeing nothing more than spots of light, but it was exciting to see the way his eyes gravitated toward them. The window, the lights above the kitchen island. I followed his gaze, feeling curious about what the world looked like from his bright, blue eyes. So much less dark than from my own, I was sure. He didn’t know the evils that existed. I prayed he’d never have to.
When my gaze landed on the coffee table, and on Ben’s phone to be exact, I froze.
He’d forgotten his phone on the coffee table.
I glanced down the hall. The shower was still running.
Could I chance going through it?
Should I?
How long did I have? Ten minutes, at least.
I reached for the black iPhone, pulling it toward me and tapping in his password. At least that hasn’t changed. I pulled up his messages first.
Palmer
Jason—his old boss
Dean—his coworker.
I clicked on the messages from Jason, looking for any form of congratulations or thank yous, but there were none. The last text was from a few months ago, when Ben had texted to say he was stuck in traffic and would be a few minutes late. It struck me as odd, though Ben had never said Jason texted him, only called, so I couldn’t be too suspicious.
I scrolled through a few others, one from a beer delivery service, one from a man we’d bought a lamp from, some from a few more coworkers wishing us congratulations after Gray’s birth. Nothing from any numbers or names I didn’t recognize. I opened the text messages from the names I recognized, checking to be sure it really was them. I knew all the tricks. My ex had made sure of that.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
I opened his calls, scrolling back to just over a week ago when I’d overheard the conversation that Ben claimed was with Jason. Friday the fifth. I scrolled up and down, shaking my head. There were no calls on that day at all, which meant either the phone call hadn’t happened, or it had and he’d deleted the true identity of the caller from his phone. The truth was obvious.
Next, I checked his Facebook and all the messages in his Messenger. Nothing. It was likely he’d deleted his contact with her. Either that, or I really had overreacted. Perhaps she was just a familiar face from his past that he ran into. Nothing more than that. Perhaps he’d accidentally deleted the call from Jason, though that really made no sense.